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sarab

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Reply with quote  #46 
Omar,
I read about your life with Emma and it both warmed my heart and caused it to hurt for you at the same time.  I very much understand how you alternate between bad days and worse days.  I'm living the same.  I often feel like I'm in a daze walking around like a zombie.  Teddy is on my mind 24/7.  I keep hoping he'll come around the corner and wag his tail at me begging for a treat or for me to take him on a walk.  There isn't anything I don't miss about him.  Everything about him I cherished.  You truly captured Emma's beauty in your photos and how you expressed your feelings over her.  My heart grieves with you.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Sara
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OmarR

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Reply with quote  #47 
Thank you Sara!

I am having a hard time, so it's much appreciated.
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catman13

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Reply with quote  #48 
The first year will be the hardest because you will think about what you were doing with your friend "this time last year" at certain times.  For example, I lost it when I turned on my furnace  for the first time in the Fall.  Grady used to climb to the top of the furnace and rest there enjoying the warmth.  I placed a bit of his fur there to remember him.  Every year when I turn on my furnace, I touch that bit fur to feel that a part of him is still there.  Always remember that the happy times you shared with your were special to them too.  I like to think that if Grady has a spirit, he remembers me and the good times we shared. Give yourself however much time you need to heal in spite of what others feel.
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Buddysmama

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Reply with quote  #49 
Omar, Those pictures of Emma are precious! As the love you have for her is and always will be. The more time that goes on it seems the worse I feel. Not as bad as the first 4 horrific days. But lately I've been feeling worse. It truly is a rollercoaster of emotions isn't it?We went on a short vaca and it' was the first time I didn't have my Dad come stay over to watch Buddy in 14 years. I can't explain it, but this depressed me beyond words.
Claudia
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OmarR

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Reply with quote  #50 
Quote:
Originally Posted by catman13
The first year will be the hardest because you will think about what you were doing with your friend "this time last year" at certain times.


Emma (as well as Tulip) were extremely intertwined in my daily activities. At least 4 or 5 times per week, we would do either a walk in the neighborhood, a walk at a nearby nature preserve, or a dogpark where they would get see to see most of their friends. My wife would complain (and still does) that my life revolved around the dogs' activities. We probably only vacation every 2 years, but that is because we are just naturally busy with the daily aspects of our lives. But I would rather take time off of work and lounge with my girls at home than get onto a sardine can of a plane after sitting forever in a TSA line. I think the hardest part of going on vacation was leaving my girls at home with a house sitter. I just wanted to be with them all the time.

My life motto shirt should read "Sorry, I can't. I have plans with my dogs."

So yes, Rodney, the first year will be the hardest. But I am scared for myself. Why? Emma would have been 14 years old in 2025. Am I going to count the years as they pass by, thinking each year that I should of still had my Emma? Right now, it certainly feels that way.

And that really scares me.
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OmarR

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Reply with quote  #51 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddysmama
Omar, Those pictures of Emma are precious! As the love you have for her is and always will be. The more time that goes on it seems the worse I feel. Not as bad as the first 4 horrific days. But lately I've been feeling worse. It truly is a rollercoaster of emotions isn't it?We went on a short vaca and it' was the first time I didn't have my Dad come stay over to watch Buddy in 14 years. I can't explain it, but this depressed me beyond words. Claudia


Yes, Claudia! I 100% agree with you!

I will have some "ok" moments/hours. Definitely NOT "ok" days, but moments/hours.

It almost seems as if the denial stage is wearing off, and the acceptance stage is the really scary part of the rollercoaster coming up.

Like everyone else, I have fresh memories of where my girl would stand, where she would sit & stare out the window, where she would waiting for me when she would hear my truck as I came home from work, etc.

But I still cry everyday. I still medicate myself to sleep. I still love her. I still miss her. And I definitely still want her back.

:(
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Buddysmama

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Reply with quote  #52 
That's how I feel too. Like I can't deny it anymore. I mean I know what has happened. I know he's in Heaven. I know I cry everyday missing him. But somehow now it has become more " real". Maybe in my mind I could only cope by thinking somehow he was on some kind of vaca like he must've felt when we went away and he stayed at home having My Dad watch him. He must've felt each day....ok come home now! That's how I feel. Ok Buddy.... Come home now!!!!
But in my heart I know he's home in Heaven. The home he had here on Earth with us when his body could do all the things he wanted it to do. But even better! Because he is forever free from pain.

I like your motto idea for a shirtt!
I can't take the paw magnet off my car that says " yes, as a matter of fact my world does revolve around my dog".

Your Emma was such a huge part of your world and your heart. And even tho the physical everyday activities part can't happen, the constant love in your heart for her will be neverending and it will be there every day, with every activity you would've done with her. I think that sadness will at some point turn more into happiness at the memories of doing those things with her. And we will smile instead of cry, remembering the joy our beautiful pups brought into our lives with all those things they loved doing. I can't imagine when that point will come! Ugh. But I feel it will. And I think as time goes on , the short time you had with Emma will seem less cut off and more like "packed chuck full of love and fun. " Because I can tell from your posts, she was a very very loved girl. And had a hec of life while she was here.
Today is 3 weeks for us. I'm trying not to freak out. It's not really working. But im trying....for Buddy.... I'm trying. I cAn
picture him giving me his " be brave and at peace momma" look.
I miss him so much.
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BodiesDad

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Reply with quote  #53 

Hi Omar,

I just read your post, as I lost my Bodie yesterday afternoon.
I am a 46 year old male that is going through much of what you are, and in a constant state of sadness, anger, and depression.
Our children are grown and Bodie was really like our child.  Their personalities are beyond a normal "pet", as they always seem to smile at us as they look into our eyes with love.
We made the toughest decision ever, to take away Bodie's pain and put onto ourselves.
Bodie was still somewhat active, but the cancer on his leg would spread quickly, and I could not let him go past the point of a quality life. He also had very very bad hip issues.

I know that everyone says the pain will eventually fade, etc, etc...and while true, I find it really hard to believe right now.  How to go back to work and not break down in front of the other guys, when I am thinking of Bodie?
Prayer is now more constant than ever, and I really do believe that your Emma and my Bodie are running with one another, just waiting for our return.  It really saddens me to write this, but in a stupid way, I feel a tiny bit of comfort that another guy felt so close to his furry best friend and my pain is not uncommon.

I am constantly looking at his pictures and watching videos, but the happiness only remains for a moment. 
Did anything seem to help you?  This site is pretty amazing at the support and kind words from everyone.
Trust me when I say that I know Exactly how you feel, and I am here with you and the others, remembering and feeling the happiness, loss, sadness, and a thousand other emotions.
Take care,
Brian

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JakobsMom

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Reply with quote  #54 
Emma is so beautiful. I recognize that big happy smile as my Jakob flashed one at me just like that. It's a smile of real happiness and love. I miss my baby boy Jakob so much as I know you miss Emma. You're obituary is so touching. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to do the same.
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Jody

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Reply with quote  #55 
Omar, I know you are having a very hard day today. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know this is completely heartbreaking! I know. Emma needs you to be strong. She is with you! Never ever ever forget that! Love cannot be broken by anything, even death. It's not your fault! You didn't do anything wrong but give your baby Emma unconditional love! And that is beautiful! Please give yourself some peace even if for a moment! Breathe and think of beautiful things about Emma that touched your heart. Hold something of hers and give yourself some peace. One day, you will have your baby back! Believe that! I know how hard it has been for me. So I know how hard it has been for you. Just thinking of you
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OmarR

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Reply with quote  #56 
Thank you so much Jody!

Your words mean so much to me!

Hugs!

Omar.
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maxismommy

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Reply with quote  #57 
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. She was so beautiful and looked so happy. I am currently trying to cope with the loss of my own Maxi so I don't have many words now- but I acknowledge and honor your loss and will be thinking of you and your sweet Emma. My broken heart is sending yours love and comfort.
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mel_1417

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Reply with quote  #58 
I also lost my best buddy suddenly. I am so sorry for your loss, prayers for peace and healing to you and your family. 
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OmarR

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Reply with quote  #59 
Thank you , everyone, for the warm thoughts!
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Jody

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Reply with quote  #60 
Hey Omar, just want you to know you and Emma are in my thoughts and prayers...
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