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oldfashiongirl

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Reply with quote  #1 
We rescued Biscuit about 5 months ago to the day.  He was older and had been in a puppy mill as a stud dog.  Most likely locked in a cage for most of his life.  How could anyone do that to him?  He was the sweetest, most gentle dog.  Never made a peep (and for a Pom, that is extrordinary).  He just wanted to sit in your lap and be petted.  Everyone who met him fell in love with him.  I considered building a fan page for him on Facebook since all of my friends were so enamored with him.

Things were going fine until this Thursday night.  We had come home from a late dinner to find throw up on the floor.  He had not thrown up since we got him so we were a little worried.  He continued throwing up throughout the night so we made a vet appointment for as soon as we could get him in, which was the next afternoon.  Our vet took xrays and did a blood panel and wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with him.  She gave him fluids and sent him home with us.  He slept well last night, better than the night before, but was still extrememly lethargic.

This morning we got the call from the vet that his liver test was very bad and that we needed to take him to the animal hospital for an ultra sound.  We did and they found that he had a large tumor in his galbladder and lots of stones.  The stones were blocking the bile from passing through which was causing liver failuer.  The vet said that the only option for treatment was surgery but due to his age and fraility, she did not expect him to survive the surgery.

We made the heart wrenching decision to euthanize him.  I couldn't bear the thought of him passing away before/during/after surgery in a strange hospital without us around him.  The decision was absolutely crushing.  He was fine two days ago.  And now he's gone.  To say goodbye, we carried him out of the clinic to a grassy patch and just held him for an hour and petted him.  We could tell he was uncomfortable and sick.  He just layed in my arms like a rag doll and would whimper when we picked him up or shifted him.  I told him how much we loved him, what a good dog he is, and how I wish more than anything that we could have had him his entire life so that he would never have had to experience the puppy mill.  Five months of a good home after years of a puppy mill just doesn't seem fair.  I take solace in the fact that we did give him probably the happiest time of his life in those last five months.

My husband graciously offered to take him into the clinic so that I could have my last memory of him outside on the lawn and in my arms.  I feel like I would have made the situation more stressful anyway since I wouldn't have been able to control my crying.  My husband said that he passed away very peacefully.  He seemed to relax and feel better once the sedative was administered and then he just slipped away into sleep.

I guess I am writing because I am just basically crushed right now.  It feels like I have been kicked in the gut and someone has taken a knife to my heart.  My husband and I just hold each other, sobbing.  It hurts more than I even thought possible. 

Did we do the right thing?  What if I just took him home and he got better somehow?  How can a dog go from being fine to dead within a day and a half?  I just miss him so much already and feel absolutely broken.

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MagzMom

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am so sorry for your loss oldfashiongirl.  It seems Biscuit was very sick and suffering.  You gave Biscuit a great home and it sucks it couldn't have been for longer.  You did the best you could and made a decision so that Biscuit did not have any more suffering in their life.  I feel your pain, I second guessed my decision too, I think all of us who made that decision for our furry loves goes through the same thought process.  I wish you peace. 
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #3 
I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking loss.  Bless you and your husband for giving Biscuit such a wonderful life, even if it was for far too short a time.  In the 5 months he was with you, he knew more than a lifetime of love. You are his earth angels.

Our animals are masters of hiding any symptoms of illness.  They're hard wired to do it in the wild as a survival mechanism.  So often, by the time we see the symptoms, the condition has progressed far beyond an easy answer.  I'm so sorry you and your husband had to go through this shocking experience.

You absolutely did the right thing.  You made that most difficult decision out of the purest love for Biscuit, and you did it to prevent him from feeling any more discomfort than he had already felt.  He didn't deserve to know pain and suffering after finally finding such unlimited love in your home.  Try to remember that those 5 months were only 5 months to you, but to Biscuit, they were the happiest years of his life.  Dogs live their lives faster than we do, so his time with you was a few years to him.  They were as blessed and as happy as he could ever have imagined life could be.  He is your special angel now, and he will never be more than a whisper away from you.  He remains snuggled in that part of your heart that was his from the beginning.

You, your husband, and your sweet Angel Biscuit are all in my thoughts and prayers.



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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reovi

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Reply with quote  #4 
You really did do the right thing, and he wouldn't have gotten better.  Unfortunately dogs often go downhill very rapidly-mine did and I know several others on this site did as well.  I think you did everything you could and gave Biscuit the time of his life that he remembered when he passed-you erased the bad!  I commend you and your husband, and wish you both much peace as you grieve.
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luckygsmomma

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Reply with quote  #5 

I'm so sorry for your horrible sudden loss of your baby. I feel your pain. You gave that dog the best months of his life. He didn't deserve this horrible ending. It's hard not to get angry and the feeling that your dog was ripped off and deserved better (he did) My little girl brought us joy every second of her 6 years and in the wink of an eye she had cancer and was not curable (not even close) My heart breaks for us both. The support of loved ones will help you through and people (even strangers like me) who understand. God bless and I will be thinking of your family and praying for little biscuit.

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Pam42

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Reply with quote  #6 
I am so sorry. 

You adopted a dog and gave it the best life to his very end.  Don't ever think twice about it.  He loves you.

My baby died of liver failure too.  I beat myself up how I didn't know.  I had her for 12 years.   It was so sudden and I thought she just had a tummy problem.
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oldfashiongirl

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thanks so much for all of your kind words and support.  Here it is, the next morning and I was hoping to find some amount of relief only to break down crying when I realized that only three days ago at this time, I would have been giving him his breakfast and he would be doing his happy dance.  Last night's dreams were all of Biscuit.

Although I am angry at how short a time he had with us after spending almost a decade in a puppy mill the thought came to me last night.  Would I rather win the lottery on my 99th birthday or never have won it at all?  That's what I think happened to Biscuit.  Had we known that his time with us would be so short, we still would have taken him in because he deserved to know happiness and love in his life and to at least know he was loved in the end. 

Right now I feel like I am crying for selfish reasons.  Because I will miss him.  Because I will never see his little face again.  Because I will never hold him again.  I know he's in a better place and I know logically that we did the right thing in sparing him the pain that would come if we couldn't let him go.  I don't know if he was "ready" to go, but I know that the alternative would have been worse, barring a miracle.  Then I wonder to myself whether I should have given the miracle a shot? 
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #8 
"Would I rather win the lottery on my 99th birthday or never have won it at all?" 

That is a wonderful way of putting Biscuit's time with you into perspective!  So true.  He hit the jackpot of a lifetime when you opened your home and heart to him.  What a lucky guy. 

I just can't stop looking at his picture.  What an adorable little guy!  I wish I could have met him. ;-)



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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oldfashiongirl

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #9 
Thank you so much for the kind words.  He really was adorable and full of a positive, happy spirit despite so much hardship in his life.  I hope he didn't even remember the puppy mill days by the end of his time with us.  Everyone who met him was enamored by him.  In five months he went from this little fragile dog who literally stared at the ground when you came up to him because he was so timid, to a dog that would constantly approach strangers on his walk to be petted and had to be dragged away in order to continue the walk.  He really was an angle. 

We got the word from the funeral home today that his ashes will be ready in a day or two.  They sounded kind and comforting over the phone.  I am looking forward to having him back here with me in some shape or form so I can set up a little memorial area at home. 

Thank you again for all of your kinds words and support.  It really does help to know that other people are going through/have gone through this experience. 
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p_im

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Reply with quote  #10 

I am so sorry for your loss,oldfashiongirl....I know exactly how you are feeling...you did the right thing...a stray bird that I have been feeding for the past few weeks passed away today, and I am inconsolable...while we cannot change what happened, we can try to remember the good things and be happy...though  I know it’s tough, because I haven’t been able to stop crying since morning...your baby was so lucky to have known you, and it was so wonderful that your baby had the best five months of his life...your baby is so lucky that you gave him such a good home, and now he is in God’s own garden...

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