dragonflycat57
I am heartbroken.  I had Toby, a boxer mix, for 9 1/2 years.  He came to me as a stray so I don't know how old he was, at least 11, probably older.  Two weeks ago he just collapsed and had trouble walking after that.  Numerous visits to the vet, given meds for seizure, UTI, arthritis pain, and vitamins.  His blood work showed anemia and his urine had blood in it.  For two weeks he went up and down, mostly down, but never showing pain, just inability to walk.  His long back legs would splay out to the sides and it was so sad to watch.  He would lose his bladder and bowel control occasionally and we used diapers at night.  Yesterday, for the first day in a while, he was back to normal.  He walked perfectly and ran around and seemed happy.  Then around 5 p.m. he went to the kitchen and collapsed on the floor.  For the next 2 hours, he just laid there, raised his head occasionally, his tongue kept hanging out.  I knew what was happening.  Called my vet, who never called me back.  Toby took his last breath at about 7 p.m.  Today I took him to the pet crematorium and will get his ashes back next week.  I have one other dog, Jasper, who I am not sure how he is dealing with this.  I'm worried for him.  I can't stop thinking that if I had gone to a better vet and had more testing, Toby would be here now.  I am exhausted and heartsick.  How long will this terrible sadness last?
Catherine may
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smkovalinsky
Oh,  I am so sorry to hear about Toby.  Please know my heart goes out to you,  and do NOT blame yourself:  I did take my 11 year old dog for tests,  and had to wind up putting him down (which has me absolutely shattered).

It sounds as if maybe Toby had what my dog had (hemangiosarcoma -  cancer of liver  and spleen)  as it is fairly common in dogs over age 10,  and  does cause weakness and collapse from internal bleeding-  it is a silent killer, and by the time the dog shows symptoms,  they are dying.  :-(  Just an idea.  In any case,  I am sure your Toby was simply at the end of his lifespan.  He knows how much you loved him.  

As far as the pain from grief,  I have been grieving for 3 weeks and it is sheer hell.  Everyone here knows full well just how painful and heartwrenching the loss of a dog - or any beloved animal companion -  is.  

Try and recall the good times with Toby,  and to give and get comfort with your other pooch. xx
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NicosMommy
Don't blame yourself, though I know how you feel because I'm doing the same thing right now over losing my Husky last evening around 6pm. Just know that he loved you and he knows that you loved him unconditionally. He knows that you tried everything to help him. My Nico didn't show any signs of being ill. He was fine all day and after dinner he laid down, in his favorite spot, and passed away. Vet thinks just a sudden cardiac arrhythmia so he didn't feel anything but I wasn't even home to hold him and comfort him in his final moments. I think he wanted it that way for me because he knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it.
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PeteyLover
I lost an Aussie suddenly like that. She was only 9 and never sick a day in her life. I went to Home Depot one day, gone for less than an hour, when I got home she was down. Alive but wouldn't get up. I had her to the vet within 20 minutes and as I pulled up to the door I think she took her last breathe. They did cpr for a while but she was gone. I was in shock! A bad dream I couldn't wake up. I didn't do a necropsy so I'll never really know what happened and its haunted me ever since. I'm sorry for your loss, I know what your feeling.
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smkovalinsky
In a sense I envy all of you who lost a dog suddenly:  This had been my fear with my 11 yrs 9 months old American Eskimo ( I feared I would find him dead in his sleep as he had gotten elderly-acting and had also become breathless and  overweight).   This might have been better than the illness and pain I wound up witnessing. (Some bad memories of having to push him from behind with a broom to get him to stand up,  because if I tried to lift  his back legs he would whirl around and bite---it was awful,  but he needed to go out to do his peeps and poops)--the sound of him whining and howling in pain as we drove to the animal clinic. Just images, sounds,  and memories that plunge a dagger into my heart and twist it with guilt and agony.
So when a pooch dies in his sleep,  it is at least safe and peaceful?   I hope that provides a bit of comfort to counteract the horrible shock of losing your beloved pooches suddenly. NO death,  whether slow or sudden,  is easy.  My heart goes out to all.
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Mistysmama
dragonflycat, I am so sorry about Toby. It could possibly have been Hemangiosarcoma. The symptoms of that can come and go, ever so slightly -so a dog might have a day or so when he seems a bit "down" but then is fine again, and quite happy to run about....and then suddenly can die from internal bleeding.
 
dragonflycat, PeteyLover and NicosMommy......It hurts so much when they have gone, I know how much. And yes passing in their sleep is a blessed thing compared to a long and devastating illness. But it comes as a shock to us. And we shall always wonder why. And we will miss them the rest of our lives. We don't expect them to die, when they just lay down for a rest....it's horrible for us, and a dreadful shock.
 
smkovalinsky....I really feel your pain about your Eskimo dog. These things they go through -and even the added things they go through when we are ony trying to help them -do twist like a dagger in our hearts. I know. I am so sorry. It's awful.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
Thank you so much,  Mistysmama.
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heartsick

I am so very sorry for the loss of your  sweet precious Toby.


Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain
I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them - 

LOVE NEVER DIES


The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.


Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made
of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.


When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

My Bear and I curled up for a nap and only I woke up. I had no idea how to live without him.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      

Susan(heartsick)

 

 

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dragonflycat57
Thank you all for your support.  Each day gets a little more bearable.  I was very interested in the comment that it have been hemangiosarcoma.  I did quite a bit of research on this disease after I heard about and it sure sounds like what Toby may have had.  Now I am angry that the vet did not even think of this or do any testing.  The only test that the vet did was a blood test that showed anemia.  When Toby had blood in his urine, I had a urinalysis done, which showed...blood in the urine.  I kept taking Toby back and never any answers or ideas or suggestions of tests to do.  Since hemangiosarcoma is so common, why wouldn't the vet have thought of this?  Does anyone else have any information on hemangiosarcoma that they could share with me?  Thank you and I feel for each of you and your loss.  We will all get through this together.
Catherine may
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