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bucksmom
jacksonsmommy wrote:
I lost my Jackson 26 hours ago, but every second since that moment that I saw him unexpectedly draw his last breath before my very eyes is a very painful memory. Ive never had to go through this before. I just know I miss my boy. He was a faithful feline to me for 16 years. He was such a loving cat. My heart aches all the time and I dont know how Im going to cope with all of this for all the days to come. I thought maybe Id just need a few days and I may be okay, but I dont know what I was thinking..It was the hardest letting him go. I elected to have him cremated because I want him to be indoors with me where he belongs and near me. Jackson along with his 2 dog brothers Jax and Oscar always followed me to the bathroom every single time I would go. Now there are only the dogs and part of me knows that they are grieving too and I need to show them love, but part of me feels like its unfair to because Jackson isnt here to be loved on anymore. I cant make sense of anything that happened yesterday morning at 7:40 am, I just know my heart was shattered into a million pieces. Suprisingly I made it through a whole day of work, but not without crying. I know life goes on, but I dont want it to go without Jackson. I know we had 16 years together and that his time would draw near that Id have to say goodbye to him, but I didnt know it would be this painful. I just dont know what to do. He was the first thing I thought of this morning and the last thing before I went to bed. I just want him to be here with me!!!!!! I know he is in a better place, but I want him here with me....Help!!! how does this work...How do I do get through each day..


Maria, thank you for posting to me and Buck. I dont have much positive to offer except that you and I made it through the night and it is morning so we push on thru another day. Weekends are hard because that was my time with my boy when I didnt have to leave him to work. Just last week he was still alive and the decline was so obvious and I knew he was nearing the end. Life will forever be defined as before and after. Please keep writing to me and Buck.
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bucksmom
Mistysmama I think I felt him this morning. After I read your post in tears I closed my eyes and started to talk to him then stopped mid sentence as I felt a warm calmness settle over me. Its like when I breathe in his smell from his bed and feel peace.
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ahartofilis
I am so sorry about you're loss with Buck. I know that there is very little true consolation for such a difficult time for you. I am sure you were very comforted when you got a sign from you're dear Buck this morning. As Mistymamma has described I think that signs can come in many subtle ways if we are open to them. I lost my beloved girl, Coco on Dec 7th to bone cancer. Her last days were terrible. As with you, I couldn't get those last days out of my head. I remember how she would look at me sometimes. I know that she wanted to live, yet I could see the decline day by day. As time goes on I still think of that time but I try ever so hard to remember all of the good healthy years that she had. She was a happy dog with a happy life for a good 10 yrs. I know that I gave her that. And I know that you loved Buck so very much! He was blessed as you cared about his very move up until the very end!
I feel that Coco is there at times like when I talk to her a lot and tell her that I love her, the wind chimes outside will start to chime up, even if its not windy! I know that Coco loved the sunshine. When the sun is shining outside, which has not been a lot lately, I feel her presence, as if she is saying, 'here I am momma, I am in the light!' It makes me tear up to even write this as I miss her so much! There are many here that know and understand how you feel, its good to know that we are not going crazy, it is normal and yet a lot of the world would not understand. I try to avoid putting my feelings out there to those that I feel will be less than sympathetic. We don't need our feelings to be dismissed or trampled on right now. I wish you peace and healing and comfort in the days ahead............sincerely, Andrea, Coco's Mom
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