This is my first post, but  I was here in October when I lost my Edo, a 15 year old doxie mix. It has been hard but he lived a good long life and in the end I was with him. I felt so many feelings but I also had my Willie to take care of- 5 years old and full of life- a doxie mix, too, but more chi and pekingese than doxie. 
Every day of the last year was bad days and good days, and mostly good, he still loved his food and could walk and eliminate all by himself. He was showing doggy dementia, which is challenging to live with, but a big part of what we take on when we love them as we do. 

We were keeping things going, Willie and I- we love to hike and he was so high energy and needs that outlet, and it's peaceful and grounding and also a way to bond anew without our darling Edo. After A month I was feeling very stable and accepting of the loss- acceptance of death is all we can ever accomplish, and fighting it is letting grief and pain reside too long within us. From the day he passed I let my Willie sleep on the bed every night, for both of us...and I had stopped letting them when Edo got older because it just wasn't safe for him- I didn't want him falling off the bed and I didn't want him to feel left out if I let Willie up. 

At Thanksgiving my high energy Willie became subdued...he had swollen nodes. I had found a fat tick on him 2 weeks or so before. We went to a new vet ( living in a new state) and she wanted to test for everything and I asked if lymphoma responds to antibiotics- she assured me it doesn't. I asked if we could try over the weekend with antibiotics and if no response we are in first thing Monday to test and determine possible treatment. By Sunday night he was better, eating and the  nodes were 80% resolved. 
He never quite got a lot better and over the course of a month we switched antibiotics, took him off, etc. The vets still assured me they had ruled out lymphoma. 3 weeks in he was breathing hard and coughing. The x-ray showed likely pneumonia, and the vet said she can't rule out cancer but we put him on baytril ( i did injectables so we wouldn't irritate his tummy) and 4 days later he was worse and had stopped eating for 2 days. Back we went and they recommended an animal hospital for supportive care as pneumonia is dangerous - he needed fluids and oxygen. 
I brought him there and as the tested him over night I got a call that he had either lymphoma or leukemia.
We lost a whole month of treatment and life quality because the vets were utterly incompetent.
We started modified chemo to give me time to consider options but his prognosis with a full protocol was still only a couple months. It was Christmas Eve. I visited him , and he looked better but was still breathing hard. He was in an oxygen cage so I couldn't really hold him. I had hopes of getting the disease under control, getting him comfortable enough to have a few days/weeks at home with us and to die peacefully. 
2 hours later the very wonderful vet told me he had gone into respiratory arrest. His heart was still beating and I asked that they euthanize him as I would take more than 30 mins to get back there to be there with him. She assured me that someone had been holding him and with him the whole time during his crisis and she'd hold him  as he passed. 
We spent time with him that evening, and I really felt he was still very much there, and I am so glad he waited so I  could hold him. He had a lot of mental troubles but his trust in me was absolute. I am so glad he experienced love and trust in his short life, and a place to express his own.  

I think I am coming out of the shock. I just don't know what to do with myself. It's as if it's in my DNA to have instincts to wake up and get him out to relieve himself, feed him, get home to  him. He kept me going when I lost my darling Edo...and I imagined I had so many years with him. I didn't even have time to process that he was dying of cancer, instead of being treated for pneumonia where he could pull through and come home in a little while. 
This forum has helped....there's too much to learn about cancer and illness in animals and we trust our vets to put the information together and treat them. I feel so failed by mine. 

But more, my life is completely altered and I don't know who I am without my loves. After his cremation  we walked the pet cemetery- a very beautiful place and it gave me perspective one the lives of our animal companions. So many don't live to the teen years. My Willie hadn't been sick a day in 4 years. I worry that grief over Edo's passing was bothering him, but he was better after a month, and then a week later started to show signs of not feeling well. 
THis forum is essential. I want to grieve openly and fully and here I know I am with others who love their darlings as if they were their human babies. It's such a beautiful connection and I don't want to be without that loving animal energy and spirit too long. It's too soon and my life is not ideal at the moment to consider a new pet.

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."
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hi, sorry for the loss of your Edo and glad he had a full 15 years of life, and yes, we all wish they could have even more years.....

As for your Willie, my heart goes out to he, he was so young, and his passing within months of Edo, I am sure it brings back alot
of painful memories, dealing with 2 in a matter of months is alot for anyone to handle.

Yes, the failed vets, i know of too well. My dog Dakota only 4 1/2 y/o passed away due to pneumonia, but it was too late........2 weeks
b4 her "passing" I asked the vet if she had "pneumonia" and she said NO dogs hardly ever get that...........and in the long run that
is what she had but it was too late cuz she was also anemic, and lost about 8 lbs and they couldn't figure out what antibotics to put
her on, they couldn't do a tracheal scope cuz she was too weak, her lungs were filled with fluid, they said she could have possible
cancer........ending result is i had to put her down. Thinking back now, i wish i never went to this vet, but unfort. i cannot take any
of this back, or bring my Dakota back. So yes, i know about the incompetent vets.

Your Willie and Edo are now together at the Bridge....watching over you.

It will take time for grieving, it is not easy. I too lost 2 pets last year within 11 months and my heart aches, just when i was feeling
ok (after about 8 months of grieving).....less than 4 months later i lost my other beloved baby, so now "both" of my pets are
coming into my mind, alot......taking things one day at a time & know this path will be a long one.

Maybe someday down the road, giving a few months or many months you may consider a new pet. I think I am going to wait at
least to the spring before i start looking to rescue a beautiful soul.



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Hi Cam- 

Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry you experienced your losses so close together , too. It's just not something I can conceive of, but it happens. I am feeling almost numb today, 9 days after losing Willie. I talk to him and Edo all the's the only way I'll get through these days. It's winter, and I can curl up and keep the world at bay for a while. And open the windows to make sunny spots for them as it moves across the room. I feel Willie still very close. Edo was ready and his energy feels large, big, universal.

Willie is near...he wasn't ready . My only solace is that while he was amazing for me, he was a rescue and had some very deep wounds to his psyche. He would get crazy about certain people, and he wasn't a dog I could have around most people. High strung and high tension.  And though he improved with training and wanted to be really good all the time, there was something in him that was always strung tight. I just feel the energy in him was more than his body could hold, but now, with a suitcase full of love and trust , he can go and express and share that love and trust in a healthy body. 
They are all playing together now
"The wound is the place where the light enters you."
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So sorry for your losses. We lost both of our boys the same time on 12/29. Clay was suffering with dementia as well as failing hips and possible recurrence of cancer (he lost his tongue to cancer 6 years ago). Luke was diabetic and also having hip problems as well as starting to lose eyesight and incontinent.
They were litter mates and we thought it best if they were able to cross the bridge together. Miss them terribly, but have comfort in knowing they don't hurt any more.
Our prayers go out to you.

Jon & Kathy
Blessed to have friends like
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So sorry about Luke and Clay- it was generous and loving to let them go together. These are the hardest of days; just keep the love in your hearts . They are peaceful and happy and still loving you so much.

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."
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