Martin13
2 days ago I lost Neko, my 14 year old golden retriever. He was an amazing companion his entire life. He suffered from seizures his whole life but kicked it in the butt for 14 years. But he finally succumbed to the one thing he couldn’t beat....cancer. It came on so fast and without warning. One day he was outside playing fetch with his ball, the next day he couldn’t see anymore and had trouble breathing and even walking. When I took him to the vet I hoped it was just a bug that could be cured but I was told that he had lymphoma and cancer had spread through his entire body. That day my world was shattered. I had to make the painful decision to put my best friend and companion to sleep. Now I’m at a total loss on how to go on. Waking up and going to work is a struggle. I dread going home cause I know he won’t be there to greet me. I see his toys, his tufts of fur, the places he used to sleep and it tears me up inside. I find myself breaking down and crying uncontrollably at times. It feels like nothing in life matters anymore. I’m supposed to go on vacation next week but not sure I even still want to. I have lost pets before but it has never affected me this strongly. Seems like everything is a constant reminder of him. The bond we shared was stronger than any I have every experienced with anyone. It seems like life has lost its purpose. I truly don’t know what to do anymore.
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Rookiesmama
Martin,
I am so very sorry for your loss of Neko. This journey is a difficult one, with some days that are easier than others. My Rookie passed almost 6 weeks ago, and coming home to an empty house is still difficult. I turn on the TV pretty much as soon as I walk in, just to have the noise. Be gentle with yourself: if you feel you don't want to go on vacation, don't go. It sounds like you gave Neko an amazing life; i'm glad he had you. Hoping you find some peace today, hugs
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Tankie12
Martin I’m sorry, you didn’t even have a chance to take a breath when you were hit with the news. You both had an amazing run, seizures and a 14 year old Golden, you did an incredible job of loving and caring for your beautiful boy Neko.
Now the overwhelming grief that follows the abyss left in your life and the *now what*
Not all animals leave a mark that is beyond words, no fault of their own and we love them like crazy, but when you’re really lucky you have one that’s a soulmate on all fours. That loss hits beyond all others, your pain is beyond all others. Everything you feel is normal and this group is full of understanding and empathetic people who are here to share and reach out while walking though their own grief journey, hugs,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious Neko. To have him go so suddenly is a terrible shock and you're probably still trying to make sense of the whole thing. Yes, the coming home is heartbreak every single day. No more happy barks and wagging tails to greet you at the door. I lost my two babies recently and the loneliness I felt in my house and the daily routines that left with them was too much for me to bear. We share so much of our lives with them that they become such an integral part of who we are we can't help but feel lost without them. The hole they leave in our lives is painful and we have to somehow push through all the pain to try and come out the other side without losing our minds. The pain will dull with time, but it will not go away. We grieve for them as hard and as much as we love them. The love we have for them has no where to go so it turns to grief. I still cry every single day and I don't see it letting up any time soon, it's ok to feel this way, it is normal. It's different for everyone but you have to allow yourself to feel the pain and cry as much as you need to. Posting on this forum has been tremendous therapy for me, it is the only outlet I have for my feelings of sorrow, as everyone else around me doesn't seem to understand that I just can't get over the loss. Post here as often as you need to, everyone is so understanding because we are all too familiar with the pain. I wish you peace.
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Martin13
Thank you for your kind words. It truly feels like I’m in an abyss right now. I feel a huge emptiness that I don’t know how to fill. He had seizures his whole life. Everytime he felt one coming on he would come find me and we would ride it out together. We did everything together and I made sure that he had plenty of exercise growing up. Everyday we went to the park and play fetch till he was totally exhausted. Even in adulthood I made sure we always took walks and played fetch as much as we could. The feeling of emptiness that I feel now is unlike anything I could explain. I feel fine one minute then break apart the next. When I got him I was in a really bad and lonely part of my life. And he helped pull me back and gave me more joy and happiness in the last 14 years than I could ever have imagined. It’s like I didn’t find him, but he found me and gave me hope and joy again.
I do take some comfort in the fact that he went peacefully. The last night before he passed I took him for a walk on the same mile long road that we ran together a hundred times. We only walked this time and halfway through he was already too exhausted to go on. I think it was at that point I realized this was not something that could be cured with medicine. But even until his last breath he was the happy, loving friend that I will never forget. I know I will be missing him for a long time and there is no quick fix for this. I’m just hopeful that one day when I leave this world I will see him again
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Rookiesmama
Martin,
You'll see him again. These were on my Pinterest board, and I thought I would share them.
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Martin13
3 days since I lost my best friend and the mornings are incredibly tough. I wake up expecting to find him sleeping next to me but he isn’t there. Everyday simple tasks like taking a shower, taking out the trash seem difficult. Feels like everything I do is “the first time I’m doing it without him”. Even going to the grocery store made me depressed as I didn’t buy his favorite food. Molly, my 5 year old lab mix, tried to cheer me up and get me to play with her but I haven’t had the strength to do it. I find myself looking at classifieds for golden retriever pups to find a lookalike, but I know that would be the wrong thing to do. I’d try to bring him back and expect them to be the same....it wouldn’t be fair to me, Neko, or the new dog. I try to focus on the happy times we had and not the last week where he was blind, sick, and not himself. But it’s hard to think of those times and not get tearful. This forum has helped a lot, reading all these posts from different people who are going through something similar helps make it easier.
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