Yesterday my husband and I had to put down our angel Aella. She was 4 years old. We found her abandoned as a kitten, and fell so in love with her - neither of us has ever had a cat before, she completely took over our home and our hearts. On Sunday evening she was lethargic, and we decided to take her to the vet in the morning if she was still acting strange. Early yesterday morning we went to check on her, and found her curled up, struggling to breathe in the corner of our living room, limp and hardly responsive. We rushed her to the vet, and were told that she had heart disease. Her heart was 30% larger than it should be, her lungs were filled with fluid. She was declining so rapidly, and so suddenly. We had to put her to sleep - the vet said that IF they were able to get her out of critical condition, she might live for a few more weeks.

I have been completely overcome by grief. We were not prepared for this, she was only 4, and three days ago she was her normal, rambunctious self, ripping around the house. She's never had to go to the vet for any kind of sickness, and has never displayed any symptoms of anything up until two days ago, I don't understand how this has happened so suddenly. I feel like she's been stolen from us. She wasn't prepared either, the vet had to slowly sedate her over the course of a few hours because she was fighting them so much. I feel so horrible that my baby had to go this way, its not fair. When I saw her last she was in an oxygen tank struggling to breathe - I can't get the image out of my head. 

She was literally like a child to us, I have no idea how to cope with this. I took the day off work to grieve, and everything in this house is a reminder that shes not here. I go from crying to wailing to weirdly calm, and then it starts all over again, non-stop since yesterday. I miss her so much, I don't know how to get through this. My husband is just as distraught, this is destroying us.

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Am so so sorry for your loss x your baby girl is gorgeous x I realy feel so bad for u & understand a million percent x my boy was pts 4 weeks ago tomorrow its horrendous x its grief & shock and for been so young must be so hard on yous x I know what you mean by wailing and crying and calm then it all starts again am the same , totally lost without my baby gizmo x the house totally changes u dont know where ur goin , people think ur daft, but wee are not wee are grieving the loss of our baby's . Must be horrible to remember those pictures of what's in your mind , but remember you saved her and showed her love x nothing takes the pain away x am told time heals but am ripped apart and don't think al ever heal x plz know am thinking of you and your husband at this time x sending huggs to you both x annemaire x
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I don't even know how to begin to tell you how sorry I am. This sounds like me when I lost my Monty. I would scream and cry and then feel nothing. My parents told me that grief and shock are like that. Aella was such a sweetie! Your picture that you posted of her is beautiful. Try not to think of her as struggling in the oxygen tank but instead think of it as giving her help to breathe. That's what I had to do when I lost Monty. Every time a negative thought or picture came up I turned it around because I loved him more then anything no did everything I could to try and help although I do still feel bad that I was away at school some of his last years. It takes time but it will get better. I would say right now that you should just do whatever feels right to get you through this. If you need to cry or scream go for it. Finally, remember that you did the most unselfish thing. You let her go so that she didnt have to suffer. Real, true love for this sweet little cat! Please take good care!
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Mcreyke i am so sorry for your loss of Aella. I have just went through something simular with my just 3 year old boy 6 weeks ago. Like Aella he was completely fine, and then the afternoon of the day he died he couldn't move his back legs and his breathing became fast and heavy turns out he had a heart condition called saddle thrombus. I was hysterical. I felt cheated and angry because he was so young, I still feel this way it just isn't fair that he was to me only a baby. I was like you but gradually I have felt better. Time is a healer. I am still so upset over it and I don't think i will ever get over the loss of him, but do i really want to? Pain is horrible. But it does remind me of how strongly I loved him and obviously it shows how much you loved Aella. You had a beautiful girl who was yours and you were hers. You loved her probably alot more than you realised and I think you are lucky to have felt love like that even if she had a short life. I have had very close family members pass, but none was more upsetting than when my boy died that was immense pain. Horrible things happen sometimes and we wish we could have done more, but all we can do is love and that's what you have given Aella. Cry as much as you want even though it hurts. Crying helps with greif as you release hormouns when you cry that actually cheer you up. Remeber the pain is because you loved Aella so much, some people never experience a love so deep and you have cherish that. Use loved each other and she will live on in you, because they will be aspects of you that she has changed even if you don't notice them. Decisions you make will be because she was in your life. She is you now and you have to remeber that you got 4 great years with her, it will never seem enough but just remeber the love and how happy you were with her.
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I completely relate. My cat had stopped eating and stopped drinking, and was a little lethargic but was otherwise his normal self.  I  thought maybe he just didn't like his food anymore (he would sometimes be finicky) I took him to the vet two days later when he was was suddenly noticeably weaker, more lethargic, had an episode where he was out of breath and still was not eating or drinking.  I was figuring it was probably some minor problem, maybe a stomach problem since he was not eating, but the vet told me he had advanced cancer and would not live beyond a day more.  Took him home, so I could think about this and if necessary euthanize him at home but hoped he would sleep and pass away in his sleep.  He lay down but at some point he looked alert and tried to come to me but was too weak and when I went to touch him he meowed as if he was in discomfort.  I picked him up to put him back and took him back to his favorite spot and when I put him down he was out of breath and collapsed, closing his eyes, and lying down.  I then decided to euthanize. Euthanasia later that day was NOT peaceful, he fought the vet and the sedation but was so weak he fell asleep in about a minute or two after the sedation shot and then after the euthanasia shot, although he was was completely out, it took him a while to pass away because according the vet his circulation was so weak due to the cancer. 

I have still been in pain since.  I keep worrying that I robbed him of a little more time, some of which might have been pleasant.  I am upset that his last minutes were spent upset, angry and confused in a place he normally felt secure, he loved me and hated vets and strangers.. I am upset that I did not have the opportunity to  spend time with him once I knew his condition so we could have had some fun while he was still lucid. I keep going over the horrible euthanasia in my mind. Objectively, I know I did the right thing but that does not help.

What has helped me.

Learn to trust your gut/intuition/knowledge of your cat.  I didn't want to euthanize him, just like you didn't. We love them.  But we know and love our cats, our intuition about how they are feeling and what to do is going to be correct.  Don't second guess yourself.

Try to think of the good times and realize that was most of his life.  The time he was miserable and sick was a tiny portion of a life of love.  Love to him and from him to you.  The painful time was one or two days in a great life.

Death sucks for everyone, man or animal.  Think of many if not most people you know or know of and think about their deaths.  Dying peacefully in your sleep is rare.  There is often pain, misery, discomfort at the time of death.  Cats are different than us, but still mammals. Both our animals were really sick and therefore, like us likely in pain which should be eased.

I still can't concentrate at times, I still have been having tension in my stomach and shoulder since his demise, but it gets better when I think of these things and think about the good time and the wonderful life he had of which his illness was a very short part.

Good luck and my heart is with you.

Sanjay W
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss for gorgeous Aella.

I can totally relate how it must right now but in time, you will think of the good times and what a life you gave her for the 4 years she had. A long life doesn't always mean a good life and i'm sure that 4 years of a loving home with you was better than 10+ years as a stray.

Take care
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Thank you everyone for your kind words of comfort and encouragement, it really does seem to help to just.. say (or type) it all out. And time is most definitely a healer, it still hurts like hell but more intermittently now. It's so unfair that life can be taken away so suddenly... it helps to think that they're in a better place, and that the painful part is over for them now. I'm so sorry that you've all lost your little angels as well. My heart and hopes for peace and comfort are with all of you  
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So so sorry to read that
you lost your beloved
Cat----your child whom
you loved dearly.

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What a beautiful kitty! I'm so sorry you lost her so young. You gave that abandoned baby the best time on this earth you could have given her. Without you taking her in she wouldn't have stood a chance. It's so unfair when they're snatched away so suddenly.
Maybe you could do like I did, and have suggested to others, and write Aella a letter. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just tell her how much you love her, miss her, and why you made this hard decision. Read it aloud with other family if you want, then put it somewhere Aella liked to hang out, a favorite sleeping spot or window. It's not much, but it helped me some when I had to say goodbye to my girl Raven.
Maybe you find some peace at this time...
Hugs from Marie and the crew 🐱🐌🐊
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