Gotta say I didn't expect this to hurt so badly. I had the very best little buddy I could ever have prayed for. He was my daughters therapy dog, and he was my friend. He was a little French Bulldog named Jax we adopted last year and his death was so sudden it has my head spinning and my stomach in knots, he wasn't even 2 years old yet.

On Wednesday of last week I noticed his nose was dry and he didn't want to play I figured he had gotten a cold. The very next morning Thursday he was in bad shape his eyes kept darting left and right uncontrolably, I called my job said I wouldn't be in and rushed him to the vet. We get to the vets office and he starts acting like his old self again, happy, playful his little butt wiggling trying to sniff everything and no eye twitching. I tell the vet he must be really excited because he was doing it for an hour straight at home. She checks his ears and says he has a little bit of discharge and perhaps an ear infection is the problem and gives me some drops for his ears.
Friday the very next day he was even worse, falling over whenever he shook his head and barely moving his head keeping it cocked to one side when I tried to put his collar on he let out a yelp, I rushed him back to the vet, when we got there I had to carry him. They rushed him to the back 10-15 minutes later the doctor tells me it's something neurological perhaps a form of insephilitis but to pinpoint the problem neurological testing like an MRI and testing spinal fluid would need to be done which would cost thousands of dollars. I told her I didn't have that, I don't even have a credit card so she suggested we treat him for insephilitis with steroids and antibiotics and see if he improves by the morning. On the car ride home he has a seizure and than another on my living room floor when I get him home. I rush him back to the vet, he's howling in pain and I'm so confused, I mean how can he be getting this bad so quickly. I carry him in , he's trembling from head to toe and the vet says he looks like he may not have long and is in a lot of pain. I had to have him put to sleep, and now I'll never get a good night's sleep.

My daughter who has aspergers misses her little brother and I miss my faithful, loving, humble, happy friend. This pain feels like it will last a lifetime.
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Hi Paul,
I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to dear little Jax.  I know the heartache that you and your family are experiencing now.  It is such an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and disbelief when our sweet companions leave us. I can also understand the shock as it happened so unexpectedly and quickly.  Nothing I can say will take away your pain...if I could, I would. 

Yes, I think you are right...the pain will last a lifetime.  I believe that you will grieve for Jax and miss him forever, just as I will grieve for my gorgeous beagle, Bella, and miss her forever.  I think the pain changes though.  The rawness lessens and is replaced with a dull ache.  I said goodbye to Bella nearly 15 months ago and I am still grieving deeply for her, but the overwhelming emotion that was present at the beginning is usually under control now.  I still have times when I cry and the empty feeling is always with me, but I now can focus more on my feelings of absolute gratitude.  I feel so lucky to have been chosen to be her mummy.  I know it was a privilege and I try to concentrate on helps me cope with the loss. 

Just keep reminding yourself that this pain is the price that we pay for the privilege of having them in our lives.  It is a price we willingly pay.  Even though we would love to take away this pain that we are feeling, we would never give up one second of the time that we had with Jax and Bella. 
Nothing prepares us for the depth of grief and hurt that we feel, but nothing prepared us for the incredible way they came into our life and enriched it beyond our wildest dreams.  We were so lucky and we know.

I hope that soon, you and your daughter can remember your sweet boy with more smiles than tears.
I wish you peace and healing.
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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