My heart goes out to you after saying goodbye to your precious Mussages. I know the deep pain and grief you are experiencing. This road of grief takes us through so many emotions - sadness, anger, guilt, regret.........it is a very bumpy road that we are on.
Everything that you describe is normal. I can remember being angry as we drove away from the vet after saying goodbye to our gorgeous beagle, Bella, and seeing all of the people walking and driving around...they were going about their normal business. I just couldn't comprehend that the world was going on when my Bella was no longer here. I also went through stages of being angry at myself...questioning all the decisions we made for Bella after she was diagnosed with Kidney disease. Then I felt angry because I wondered if we acted too soon and ended her suffering prematurely. I had myself so distraught with my constant questioning.
My Bella has been gone from my side for 6 months now, and I have been able to let go of the anger and guilty feelings and that has helped me grieve properly. I am still extremely sad and often break down, sometimes unexpectedly. People assure me that this does get easier, but there is no set time frame. We need to let ourselves go through the various stages of grief, but never lose sight of the positives.
The positives that I have taken from this is that we are so privileged to have been chosen to be Mussages and Bella's family. We are grieving this deeply because we were so fortunate to have a deep, deep bond with them. I would not give up one second of my time with Bella, even if it meant that I could take away this terrible pain. I know that you feel exactly the same way about Mussages.
Hold your memories in your heart. They are yours forever. I wish you peace and healing.