Brian74
Hi All,

New to the forum and just registered.  3 days ago i lost my gorgeous girl to kidney failure.  Totally broke my heart in every respect.

Katie was 15.5 yrs old and had generally been in good health until a month ago.  She started to have kidney problems and a week ago she had a thrombosis in her back which stopped her using one of her legs properly.

She was due to go back to the vets yesterday for further medication but we didn't make it past the weekend with her.  I had taken my wife and son out on Sunday and when we got back to the house i had went upstairs to see her as normal.  She gave me her little head butt and seemed to be ok but she couldn't get up for some reason.

When she did eventually make it up she lost control of her other back leg and then she lost control of her bladder.  My wife and I helped her get clean and she was constantly meowing at this point.

She then started panting a little as well and her little heart was racing.  It was with a heavy heart that we contacted our vet who directed us to the Out of hours Vet in our area.  They ran some tests on her but the prognosis was not good.  They left us some time to think about our options and the only right thing we could do at the time was to allow her to go peacefully.

It was the worst time of my life for a long time.  On Monday i arranged for a local pet crematorium to collect her for us and carry out an individual cremation.  We had went to see her in the chapel of rest at the crematorium  and she looked as if she was going to get up and run about. 

I took the day off work on Monday to arrange the crematorium and sort things in the house but the sense of guilt was overwhelming.  Not once did i have dry eyes until i had to drive to see her.  Now everytime i come home from work i don't have a little face coming out from under our hedge to greet me and tell me about her day.

Work has been very understanding as i have been on an emotional rollercoaster since she passed.  We have had to try and console ourselves and keep our other cat Oscar occupied as well as he has started pining for her.

It does get easier doesn't it? everytime i jump in the car to come home from work i'm filled with grief as i know she won't be waiting for me when i get home.  Everyday at 16:30 she would get my wife to let her out of the house so she can sit and wait on me.  So many emotions are going through my head just now.
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Jimbo106
I lost my girl in a similar way. She had diabetes for four years before kidney failure. She was 15

I don't know if easier is quite the right word. The passing of time did make it so I didn't panic at the thought of driving home. For quite awhile I took a different route home, just so I wouldn't approach the street the same way. Still had to face the fact that there was no sound of kitty feet running to the door before it opened.

Very sorry about Katie, their little tails can wrap our hearts pretty tight.

Jim
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Millie
I am so sorry for your loss... please give yourself plenty of time to grieve. We do learn alot from our fur babies how to love uncondiitionally and loss. The emotions can be overwhelming at times.mine came in waves... I didn't think I was going ever stop crying I came here because everyone here has had a loss and are good listeners ...so please don't feel like your alone. Hope you can find peace and comfort .
Shari Ostrowski
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maxs_mom
It's so hard to lose our furbabies. They become a part of us and each one that leaves us leaves a hole that will never be filled again. Yes time does make it easier to deal with, and we have to go on.

As others have said, give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Some may not understand the bond we have with our babies. That is their loss.

With sincere sympathy. Linda, Max's Momd
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Brian74
Hi All,

Thank you for the kind words.  Still very raw emotionally and will be for a long time.  It makes you realise how wonderful the relationships are with our cat's.  I physically can't shed a tear anymore and am so tired i can't think straight. 

We had a beautiful bond and when going to bed at night she would snuggle up on my side of the bed as close as she could to me.  Things like this which were unconditional were what made her the cat she was.

Have been discussing what happened more with my wife and i have tried to block out what happened on Sunday with the vets.  Racked with guilt that everything happened just too fast.  Would it have been fair to take her home for one more night so she was settled rather than face the vets table which she always hated that's a question i can't answer but i have to keep telling myself she was in pain and it was the right thing to do.

Thought's like that just keep going through my head, i have to keep telling myself we did the right thing but we just wanted that extra bit of time with her but it wouldn't have been fair to her.

I have changed the way i come into the house now so i'm not looking for her to come bounding out of the hedge.  Hopefully tonight i will be able to sleep a little more but hearts still heavy.  Thank you all again for replying.

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Manjack
What a great photo of Katie.
It sounds as if she had a long life filled with lots of love. You made the only decision that you could given her failing health.

The hard part is learning to live with the loss.
All of us here in the forum know what you are going through and we offer our support. One very wise person on here told me we have to take baby steps in attempting to deal with our grief; because we have loved so deeply the hurt we suffer is difficult to bear.

However we will get through this, please come back to the forum when you need to and maybe you can share more about the good times with Katie (when you are up to doing that).
Be kind to yourself, take time to grieve and know there is no timetable for this journey.
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Brian74
Thank you for your reply Manjack means a lot.

House is rather empty without her, Oscar our other cat is still pining but seems to be a bit more settled now.  Still hard but i had been busy at work the last few days and this has helped a little.

Did some work on my sons bike today in the back yard, sun was beating down (unusual for Scotland) and good memories came through, she used to love the sun and would be doing rolls about your feet until you scratched her back.  I'm trying to replace the bad memories with all the good times which is helping.

She was very loved, my wife used to laugh i had her spoiled so much.  As she got older she wouldn't eat until i came home from work and would wait in the kitchen for me to lift her up to get to her bowl.  It was always fun when my wife told me she used to come home during the day to see her running down the stairs and then when she knew it wasn't me she would about turn and put her tail in the air and promptly trot back up the stairs.

Lots of good times so trying to focus on these to ease the pain of her passing. 






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naturegirl076
Katie looks just like my cat Dante that I use to have. Such pretty colors. So sorry for your loss. Hope you find comfort here. I certainly have.
Spence's Mom
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Brian74
Thank you Naturegirl076

She was a very beautiful girl and very much a lady, today is exactly a week since we lost her and the emotions are running riot at the moment.  Been up very early trying to keep busy but she's swinging on the heart strings at the minute.  Some pictures below of my girl in her golden years, thankfully i have lots of pictures of her and this is helping. 
  _DSC0470.JPG  2011-11-01 17.45.18.jpg  
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naturegirl076
Aww. She is so cute curled up like that.
Spence's Mom
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