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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #31 
Lynn,
Thank you so much for your kind words on Maggee & Kassee's 'thread'. 
No doubt this is a journey without a time limit or 'rules' for grieving.  Each day brings us either a moment of comfort or moments of torment and pain...and most likely both with minutes of one another...We are indeed "lost" - and it is a testament to the 'power' of our fur ones...the power of their quiet, consistent and constant love - no matter what.  You and Tankie and Browns have shared so much together - and an understanding and bond is formed - a special bond forged without the necessity of words...just being together and coming to understand one another...You leaned on Tankie at times as she leaned on you...all because of that unique relationship of love and trust and respect.  It is this bond that endures forever...your girl's presence is felt because she is there...and always will be.  May your girl find her way to you each and every day and may you feel her nearness and her watchful eyes forever trained upon her mom...She listens for her name, hears your voice and knows your heart beats for her and her sister from that first day to the day rainbows are crossed and time is shared together once more.  Take care.  

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #32 
Hi, So sorry for all the losses that we all have suffered.  I'm thankful, that I found this forum where I can express my pain and not be judged.  I lost my beloved pet almost a year ago.  I have been pressing the "Reply button", and writing....but, up to this point, I have not been able to write my pet's name...….the pain does not diminish, but one adapts to it....

Reading some of your stories and my heart breaks for you, but it also affirms the notion, that I am not alone.
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #33 
Hi Lynn,

I was reading through your thread, never having posted on it, but I can definitely identify with you, how we grieve our pets harder sometimes than we grieve people.  I know when I lost my grandparents years ago, it hit me hard - but in a lot of ways, this feels worse.
I'm so sorry for those stark reminders coming out of the blue.  those are the worst - you can often prepare yourself for the others or even avoid them, but these others, you can't do much about.

I hope today finds you feeling better and able to find a little peace with what you're going through.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #34 
Sil thank you for reading my post, and your sweet response. Take your time, the words will come there is no rush. I’m sorry you’re suffering, we’re here whenever you want to talk about your baby. This is just a terribly, cruel pain, words dont touch the magnitude of grief that lays within. Keep reading, you’re not alone, as you’ve seen,,,,, be kind to you
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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #35 
David, I thank you for your understanding. Yea those reminders least expected hit hard. But since I’ve found myself wishing I hadn’t pulled back, to have allowed myself just another second or two of that familiarity. It almost felt like home, dream like though. I know you had a very tough time with your Stormy baby, I hope your days have eased up a little. Thank you again,,,,,be good to you
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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #36 
Tankie my beautiful girl, my heart yearns for you

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do is
To save everyday till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save everyday like a treasure and than
Again I would spend them with you, But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them,
I’ve looked around enough to know that
You’re the one I wanna go thru time with,
If I had a box just for wishes and dreams that
Had never come true, the box would be empty,
Except for the memory of how they were answered
By you

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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #37 
Cody, as always, your words touch my heart, thank you. May your heart be warm with love from Kass and Maggs as you wake up this morning, be kind to you
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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #38 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sil
Hi, So sorry for all the losses that we all have suffered.  I'm thankful, that I found this forum where I can express my pain and not be judged.  I lost my beloved pet almost a year ago.  I have been pressing the "Reply button", and writing....but, up to this point, I have not been able to write my pet's name...….the pain does not diminish, but one adapts to it....

Reading some of your stories and my heart breaks for you, but it also affirms the notion, that I am not alone.



Sil, I’ve read all your reply’s. I know a year is coming. You are my confirmation that time doesn’t really matter, the love, the pain and the missing go on. Maybe differently, but they don’t quit. I know you were reaching out, but you’ve actually reached out and given to others, thank you,,

Attached Images
jpeg 0968D24A-BE0E-4BCB-8C5C-0D1C686A98E5.jpeg (198.78 KB, 3 views)


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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever

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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #39 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tankie12
Tankie for a fleeting second yesterday I felt like my fingers were buried in your thick soft beautiful mane. I saw those sweet beautiful eyes. It happened so quickly I didn’t know what happened until it was to late than it took everything to keep those tears from slipping over. But I kept them right there this time, they blurred my vision but I didn’t let even one drop fall this time. It hit me and took my breath away, the memories of that last nite, the last time till just than, that my fingers had been full with the feel of soft thick fur. Remember how many times Mommy ran her finger through yours? Your full gorgeous coat, remember how I nestled there with my face soo many times before? Remember how on that last night I held your head on my lap, my fingers stroking, breathing in your scent, trying to hold it in, forever ? Over and over trying to physically keep every physical part of you with me, because they were on their way. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay in the room when they put you in that bag, I just couldn’t watch that Tankie, I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t take that last car ride with you. Your body was no longer mine😔 I tried to explain that and so many other things to you, but mostly how much I’ve always loved you, how you were the bravest most wonderful girl ever and that Mommy would always, always love you. I wanted you to know so much before they took you. Remember how whenever daddy left the room I checked for your heartbeat? You just looked to peaceful, you couldn’t have been dead, what if you were just sleeping really hard and I was just holding you and not doing something that would help you? Remember when I saw the pink around your muzzle and realized you can’t be dead!! I dream like lowered my head my head closer to examine the pink? My fingers exposed as I tilted your head. My fingers, the only pink. For that crazy second I thought it was all a huge mistake,,,,, maybe death is so hard to accept because it isn’t the end, it only feels like it, the longing feels like forever. Maybe Not accepting death is built into our being because death isn’t final. Maybe we are like children in God’s eyes who aren’t being patient enough to wait for what he said he would provide. Eternal life for all, and our babies are just happily waiting for us at home, till we get there,,, I think I’ll run with that thought for now


Dear Tankie,
I have been going through all your post and reading them. And this one makes me cry but at the end cry and warms my heart. My heart breaks for you. Sending you hugs. I’ve read your post before but going back and just reading yours and others to find comfort warms my heart and makes me cry for all of you.

It warmed my heart when you wrote:
“maybe death is so hard to accept because it isn’t the end, it only feels like it, the longing feels like forever. Maybe Not accepting death is built into our being because death isn’t final. Maybe we are like children in God’s eyes who aren’t being patient enough to wait for what he said he would provide. Eternal life for all, and our babies are just happily waiting for us at home, till we get there,,, I think I’ll run with that thought for now“

Beautifully said. You’re write beautifully.

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If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #40 
Hi Lynn, 

You are so gentle and articulate and I want to thank you so much for your recent post on my thread. I love your choice of and use of words. I appreciate your taking the time to encourage and comfort me.

I don't know why the pain sticks so close sometimes, wraps up a heart to where the hurt seems more real and more pronounced than anything else. I'm so sorry you've had such excruciatingly painful times and so little relief. The longings and the sense of missing Tankie sound overwhelming. I dearly hope that more ease and gentler days will come your way before long. And some sense of comfort. You have been in my thoughts.

P.S. I just read your post to Janice. What gracious, affirming words! It was like you painted love on the page. 

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #41 
Thank you Catie, you and so many other have always found the right words to help, even if it’s to bring those needed tears to the surface. Trying to be “normal” around others is so freakin exhausting, the tears always start to flow here, were its safe. Yesterday I realized I’d never mourned, properly, my last two dogs. One, Bear a beautiful b/t stray Shepard, and Boggie my lil 6lb Yorkie. Bear I put to sleep myself, on a Sunday alone at work. He was my soul savior before, during and after my divorce. He was my protector after Hurricane Andrew. He literally chased away looters, and scared away many prospective ones. Than my sweet little rescued Boggie. I got her from a breeder who no longer wanted the litter due to the cost of care for them. I lost her 3/17/14, she was almost 14. CHF. Seems to be a very common death sentence here, sadly.
I took 3 days off after Bear, than it was back to work. The pain was huge, but survival took over, jobs were scarce after Andrew. To this very day, my mind has completely blocked out everything past Bear falling gently in my arms as the drug took effect and he got his last bite of hamburger. I know I bagged him, I know I put him in the deep freeze. I know I locked up and left. I Know all the steps, I’d done it a 100 times. Total confirmation that your mind blocks what’s way to painful. When Boggie had to be euthanized I was no longer working, no more connections in the field. They did it properly though. But I again put on my proper face and suffered inside. The huge difference was, I had my Tankie. My lifeline. My bottle fed baby. People think I saved those puppies, Tankie and Browns, but truth is, they saved me. Especially my Tankie, many times. Now I have no Tankie lifeline to grab hold of. No sweet angel to bury my head in. And yea I’m married and have 2 adult daughters and Tankie’s sister is alive and well. We even have a new puppy who has become Browns lifeline. My husband truly loved Tankie. Different with me though, She was My Heart. My grief continues, in silence. Except here. This has become my “new” lifeline

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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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contessa15

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Reply with quote  #42 
I just lost my beloved Mickey 3 hours ago.  I am devastated and heartbroken. I do not what to do.

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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #43 
contessa15, Debra, what happened to Mickey? Are you alone? No matter the reason I’m so sorry your baby died. I know how devastating and heartbreaking this is. I’m sure you’re in shock as well. When this happens it doesn’t matter one bit whether it’s expected or not, the heartache is the same, and it hurts like hell. It will for a long time. There is no expiration date on pain because it is individual. Right now for sure it’s as raw and stinging as it can get. My heart goes out to you, this is soo painful. Thankfully you found this forum, it can be a blessing, you can freely express your pain. Sadly we all know how you’re feeling right now. We are all raw in one way or another and at different stages of grief, but we’re all right here and listening. Write as you feel the need, hugs to you and be super kind to yourself right now,,,,,
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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #44 
Lynn,

Hope you are having a better day today. I agree, trying to fight through the grief and appear “normal” is a huge task sometimes. I know it has been for me. But yes, this place is a godsend. Take care of yourself.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #45 
Lynn,

I read so many posts of you how lovingly and caring you do reach out to others giving so much comfort. So I had to come here and tell you how deeply sorry I am for the loss of your beloved Tankie. I read her story and it is heartbreaking - so so sad. My heart goes out to you. The song you posted for her just recently made me cry and I did sing this song a few times aloud for my Max after I read your post and I confess I cried my heart out for my loss, for your loss and for the loss of all people in this forum. Thank you for sharing this. I am so so sorry we all have to go through this.

I hope you are feeling better with each day - I am trying hard to remember all the joyful times I shared with Max ... but it does not always help.

(((Hugs)))

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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