NeonCat
I am shattered. I lost both of my beloved fur children in a span of approximately two weeks. One passing was somewhat expected, as the kitty was "on hospice" since October. The next came as a complete shock. I cannot stop crying and do not know how to deal with the pain.

On February 3rd, my precious kitty, Zig, died at home in my arms. He was a bit over 17.5 years old. He suffered from kidney disease for many years, and had basically been "on hospice" ("BrightHaven" type philosophy) since October. Naturally we viewed every day we had with him as a gift, and tried to prepare ourselves mentally for when his day to transition would come. While his passing was rather peaceful and I feel blessed to have been with him, the loss and pain have been overwhelming. Not a day has passed without many, many tears.

Our other kitty, Jo, seemed a bit "off" after Zig's passing. I knew this was not unusual. The two were not especially close, but had been housemates for almost 17 years (Jo's would turn 17 in March). She seemed to spend more time in her favorite bed than usual, but continued to eat, come to our bed, etc. People told me she was depressed. February 17 she began to show clear signs of feeling poorly and on the 17th & again on the18th I took her to a local clinic (Jo's internist was out of town). Lab work was done on the 18th. Her kidney values were off the charts. Zig's had never been so high. Jo had a kidney infection in December and had labs at that time. Lab work was repeated in January. No issues. We left Jo at the clinic on the 18th so as to be on IV fluids . The morning of the 19th we got the call - "She collapsed and we don't think she's going to make it." We rushed to the vet where we found our baby on a metal table, a tech pushing air into Jo's lungs through a tube. Was this for us? So we'd think she passed with us there? Her eyes were already glassy, and when I asked the vet to check, there was no heartbeat. Jo was gone. I am filled with guilt for not being there for her when she died.... that I didn't notice her illness sooner.....that I didn't take her somewhere else.... So much guilt. 

The shock and agony of losing Jo on top of the already overwhelming pain of losing Zig has been unbearable. I have cried every day since Zig's passing, but now the suffering is somehow more intense. I cannot stop crying. Our house feels so incredibly empty. I found this site, as I suspect many others have,  while searching for help dealing with the pain. I know no one can "fix it," but perhaps sharing our stories is cathartic. I want the pain to stop. I feel it never will...... 

 
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LaGata
I'm so sorry for your losses.....1 is bad enough but 2, I can't comprehend doubling the pain I'm in. I didn't recognize any signs that my baby was ill. But it's been 2 wks and now l know it is my fault. I don't know if a vet would have given me better news. I can't get my mind off of lagata. She was born here and she left this world here. My baby gave her last ounce of strength to me, to me? To run down the hall, jump in my bed, lay down on my legs with her beautiful face looking at me and in a blink she was gone.

Your story brings tears to my eyes and there is more aching in my soul. You loved them very much and they loved you. It's a long, long road we are all on with many twists and turns. I have found some comfort here on this site, sharing my pain with others who are in the same situation. Remember, all of our babies are not suffering anymore. And some day, we will be reunited.

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Linda24

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost two beloved kitties, (in 2019)  but mine passed away 6 months apart. Shamu kitty was going on 21, and then my Bunny cat was 18.  we have no children or grandchildren. My babies were my babies. I have never grieved so hard over any person than my cats.  My home just seems off..  I look at where their food bowls sat and it is the loneliest feeling I’ve ever felt. I’ve had dreams where I’ve found two little kittens and didn’t know whether to take them or not because I know the heartbreak of when they die.  I never want to feel that grief again.  my husband buried them on the edge of our property near the woods. Made them a beautiful little graveyard and put solar lights around it. I can see the lights at night where my babies are, from my window. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. My husband tries to cheer me up. He grieves too..  I cry when I think of my kitty girls.
I have faith that God will reunite me with them someday. I read the Bible. God promised He would make all things new again someday, and that gives me hope.  

Linda A.
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SweetCoco
Your story brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately, I cannot say anything that will make you feel better as I am as devastated and torn apart due to the loss of my Sweet Coco. Many people say that this forum has brought them comfort. I’m trying it. You’re trying it. Let’s see what happens.
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NeonCat
Thank you LaGata, Linda, and SweetCoco for responding to my post as well as your kind, supportive words. It means a lot to me that you took the time. As many others, I am struggling greatly. My heart is broken and I feel it's never going to heal. Everywhere I turn, my babies are missing. Sleep is next to impossible, and when it does come, it is plagued by bad dreams and constant waking. And so I seek comfort...... As SweetCoco simply but eloquently stated it, "I'm trying it. You're trying it. Let's see what happens."
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SweetCoco
NeonCat, I cannot believe the similarities that our losses share. Knowing your story has truly made me feel not alone and a bit less guilty. Perhaps our little ones will connect with each other the way we have connected. Sending you my best.
I will for ever belong to my Sweet Coco.
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Bigcatsdad
Neoncat,
I'm so sorry for your losses, my heart goes out to you for Zig and Jo. I only know half the pain and heartbreak you are feeling as I only lost one special friend. Three weeks ago we had to put down Albert, my big black cat and best buddy. He was 16. He had a mass in his abdomen that was inoperable and we made the painful decision to put him down and not prolong his pain. My life has not been the same since, I've cried every day since and miss him so much. His half eaten food that was in his bowl the morning we put him to sleep was in the fridge for a week, I just couldn't bring myself to throw it out. I finally did and cried the whole time. Our house is so quiet and empty now. It has gotten a tiny bit better but every time I come home from work and open the door, Albert doesn't get off his favorite blanket on the couch and come over to welcome me home and the sadness drifts in again. I miss him so much every day. The pain of this has been something I've never felt so intense before in my life, I cant imagine loosing two.
Your little loved ones will always be with you in spirit and in your dreams, that bond will last forever. I hope time can slowly help heal your heart break and sadness.
I've found this forum very helpful, so many here understand loosing a furry loved one and what sorrow and sadness it brings. 
Me deepest condolences
Bigcatsdad
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NeonCat
Bigcatsdad,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and respond to my post. I want to offer you my deepest condolences on the loss of your precious Albert. I relate to so many of the things you mention. I also could not bring myself to throw out the last bit of cat food left in the refrigerator. I finally did it yesterday, accompanied by a million tears. Please do not think I feel I have twice the pain. Although I am in the sad situation of grieving both kitties, I know all of us are suffering completely. We all are dealing with overwhelming pain. It's clear Albert was incredibly special and I'm certain he knew (knows) how much you loved (love) him. Although we are suffering with loss and sadness now, our lives are better for having spent time with our kitties. They bring such joy. I hope one day we will all find comfort in our happy memories and the pain we feel now will subside. For now, I'm sending hugs and healing thoughts to you.
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NeonCat
SweetCoco,
Thinking of our babies meeting up over the rainbow bridge brought a beautiful image to my mind. Hopefully Josie is not complaining to SweetCoco of how I didn't allow her to eat as many treats as she wanted. Ziggy just flat out loved to eat so a treat wasn't necessarily better than Rx diet. ;)  Over the rainbow bridge I suppose the treats, yummy food, toys, and catnip are unlimited! Thank you for bringing a little bit of sunshine to my day.
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DogMom86
I lost two dogs three days apart and the pain, there are still days I cry. I got a card from Mija and London’s old vet and I started crying going “Do you have to remind me they both died”. Hugs to you

Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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weezie77
Neoncat - I just want you to know you are not alone. I lost 2 dogs within the same week. One suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart issue and another one finally lost his battle with cancer. There are no words to help. Just know there are others out there that understand the dire pain you are in. I'm sorry there is nothing anyone can say but I am sure that you gave them the best life, just like I gave mine and I'm also sure that they loved you with all of their hearts.
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Hsb2000
Neoncat, I am so sorry for your loss. I had to say goodbye to my beautiful feline on March 3rd, 2020 to kidney disease. She went through a lot of treatment and testing. I did everything I could to save her but the disease is so powerful and we have no control. It’s been the hardest 5 days of my life since her death. Your babies knew you loved them so try not to beat yourself up too badly. My vet told me everyone does it so you’re not alone. I had guilt because I had to make the decision to let her cross the rainbow bridge after I had two vets tell me “it was time”. The emptiness you’re left with is so painful and the void you feel is so hard explain. It sounds like you were a great mommy to them. 
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NeonCat
DogMom86, weezie77, and Hsb2000...
Thank you all for responding to my post.

DogMom, I can't even imagine losing two babies three days apart! I see that Mija and London were somewhat close in age. Same with Ziggy and Josie - not quite a year apart in age. Of course I never thought they might pass so closely together, however. I understand what you're saying about the card from the vet - I had to stick the one I received in a drawer. Couldn't look at it. My deepest condolences on the loss of sweet Mija and London. I hope Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita are helping your heart heal.  

weezie, you also lost your two babies closer together than I lost mine. It's difficult to put into words the sense of loss and emptiness, isn't it? I don't know if it's been the case with you, but for me "knowing" one was terminally ill did not make grieving any easier. Having the seemingly healthy baby pass so unexpectedly certainly did make the grief more complicated though. My heart goes out to you as you work though your sadness. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry that you both have had to deal with this overwhelming grief, but I am thankful you shared your stories. It does help to not feel isolated and alone... to know that someone out there understands. 

Hsb2000, my deepest condolences on the loss of your kitty. The picture (your avatar?) shows a beautiful girl! I know miss her terribly; you are only just starting the grieving process. :'(  Kidney disease is just awful, and as you so accurately put it - "powerful." It involves so much testing and many, many treatments, yet we know this disease will eventually take our babies. Ziggy had been on lactated ringers at home for years. It was well worth it for him and us, and he really didn't mind. In fact, he often purred and snuggled through treatment. I always felt bad, however, dragging him to the vet for the required blood tests, etc. Josie was only Stage 2, so never required fluid therapy. It was so shocking when her kidneys just suddenly shut down. Thank you for your kind words. I do see that many of us here carry a lot of guilt. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sorry for my rambling, less than articulate post. I'm having a hard time putting thoughts to words these days. I do appreciate all of you and send you all hugs <3
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weezie77
Thank you neoncat. No somehow even though we knew we were going to lose one to cancer, the grief was not any easier.
going from a 2 dog household to 0 dogs has been incredibly difficult for me. I work from home, so the silence now is deafening.

Dogmom - I'm also so sorry for your loss and I understand your pain. We lost one dog on a Monday and the second dog on the Thursday.
It turns your whole world upside down. They were everything to us.

Today marks the one month mark since I lost my soul dog and it still feels like yesterday. It's hard to hear that 'time will make it better' from people because it really doesn't feel that way.
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