Hi everyone,

ive come online to get this sadness off my chest.

Yesterday was the most terrible day of my life.  My baby girl of 15yrs passed away.

A little about my girl.  She was a English staffy, my girlfriend used to breed them, she had too many and her ex husband kept harping on her to get rid of some.  Well Jenny came into my life at 8mths old. Little terror lol didn't like the dripper in the garden being on, so she destroyed them. that was the only thing.  She was the most placid staffy i know, i had a boy as well, he was 11 when he passed away, i still miss him to this day, he was 100 mph lol until he died, he had tumours throughout his whole body, the thing is he didn't have any lumps for me to take him to the vet, he was always happy, eating, sleeping (snorning).  When he passed away it was a shock, the vets couldn't do anything for him as he had too many tumours.  As for Jenny, she was 15, the few weeks i noticed this twitch she was having but it wasn't that bad for me to take her to the vet.  For about a month though my partner and i notice she was going downhill poor love.  

Anyway yesterday i had the day off work as i wasn't feeling crash hot.  Jenny was ok in the morning had her brekkie with my other half, he shares his dregs of weetbix and milk.  I woke up had my toast and i shared with her a few crusts.  After about a couple of hrs, she went out for a drink and i noticed she was funny on her back legs, i went to her to see if she was ok, she drank her water and just stayed outside for a while.  Then came in tripped over, i picked her up.  then she walked along the walk and bumping into things, i thought mmm this isnt right, so i rang my partner to say come home early from work so i can take jenny to the vet something isn't right.  I left her in the family room while i went to have a shower. I dried myself, went to look where she was and she was on the kitchen floor, she has pooed and peed herself, she couldn't get up. I was freaking out about, but tried not to show it. I got her up, then next minute she laid on her side and had a siezer it was terrible, the poor thing, she was stretching, trying to get her breath and i just didn't know what to do, i just kept saying it's alright calm and rubbing her belly and chest, then she was gone. I was beside myself. i rang the vet she said are her eyes open i said yes, she said touch her pupil i did and no response she said looks like she has passed away, it was awful to see.  I was crying i had to wait for my partner to come home.  while this was happening i cleaned up the mess she made and then OMG she started to breath. I ran to her and said it's ok.  her eyes were blinking, but she couldn't get up, she was salavating i cleaned her up, i lifted her head, she should see me, and wagged her tail a little.  then my partner came home and she tried to get up.  He said what happened i thought u said she died, i said she did, but she woke up.  We got her in the car, took her to the vet i was sitting in the back seat with her, keeping her calm and just talking to her.  Get to the vet and they stretcher her in their rooms.  They were shocked as when i rang them i said she had passed away.  The vet did her checks and said there is alot going on inside her body. she was amazed she was alive.  She checked her gums which where not a healthy colour which means bleeding inside, her stomach was so bloated.  She said we could give her an xray to see what's going on i said what will that achieve can you help her, the vet said no we cant. Best thing is to put her to sleep and she will be in no more pain.  So we said our goodbyes, kissed her head and ears and she went peacefully.

Last night was terrible to sleep as normally i would hear her breath and snore, but nothing.  This morning the house is empty.  No pitter patter of paws down the hallway, no wagging tail.

It's very sad, but i know it's the best thing, i have had the best dog, she has had the best life, she was loved so much by my partner and me.  We will miss her everyday.

I can't put her dinner bowl away or her beds.  i know it will happen eventually.

Thanks for listening

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Sorry for your loss.  Just going through it myself.  Hurts like heck, but it will pass.  Everyone deals with grief in their own way.  I had to immediately pick up everything related to my cat and put it away.  I even threw away her favorite toys.

Find your path to the place where you can look back and remember your companion with fond memories.  That is the goal.  It will happen.  I just hurts a lot getting there.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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I am so sorry to hear how that all happened, I can't even imagine what it must have been like to see her breathe again... I am so sorry for the indescribable pain you must be going through

I lost my almost 15-year old pup yesterday too, she was a beautiful golden retriever and such  a sweet and perfect doggy but she had a huge tumor on her backside and in her stomach and we couldn't justify operating on it because she likely would have died on the table

my heart is broken, i miss her so much. i wish i were with her

walking home last night and seeing her empty crate and snacks above the fridge was a horrible feeling, i broke down crying. I don't know when we will put her stuff away either, it just feels wrong, and i keep waiting for her to come back
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thanks for responding.

i can't put anything away e.g. bowl of water, beds, she had three lol.  i can still smell her on her bed.  This morning i just sat on her bed hoping to feeling something (hope that doesn't seem weird).  But when my boy Cuda passed away 5yrs ago i could feel him in this house, but Jenny I can't and I don't know why.  Maybe im trying to hard.

I went out early today to see my parents i just broke down, they understood as they knew jenny as a pup and had tears as well.  They said the same thing, she is in no more pain, she is upstairs playing with Cuda having a ball.  

I did sleep better last night after a while though as i missed hearing her breathing (snoring lol).  and nudging me to take her to the toilet in the middle of the night.

I recieved a lovely sympathy card from the Vet today which set me off again. It was lovely to think people care.  Now i will wait to get the phone call that i can pick Jenny's ashes and she will be back with me.

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