Lalf
His name was gizmo . He was my everything. I have kids, grandkids relatives but he was my calm . He passed away Sunday after having double hernia surgery . He was doing ok thought he would make it and his blood glucose dropped . I am beyond grief and don’t know what to do . He was my everything and everything in this house was his . I smell him in everything and feel like I am losing it . He was just cremated and I am waiting for my daughter to bring home . Please suggestions ? I have his bed out ready to put the ashes in . Am I going to sit here and go crazy . I miss him beyond anything . I am so angry he did not make it
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Linda,

I am very saddened to read of your loss. Every day or so, someone new posts about losing one of their beloved's and the heartbreak never seems to end. : ** (

All we can obviously do be grateful & feel blessed for the time that we were alloted with our lost loved ones, as this World can be such a tough, cold, difficult, troublesome and dangerous place, and existence in itself, can be such a challenge to all living beings. Each of us is very fortunate to have even been conceived and born in the first place, let alone to meet an entity such as one of our beloved pets, that loved us so unconditionally and without judgement. Truly this is wondrous.

I too lost my "calm" ( a great description you wrote by the way), in my zen cat "Marmalade." He was like a noble, wise Samurai warrior. His presence enriched my life beyond words. He was only in my life for 4.2 years, but each moment I got to spend with him was a bonus in my life. I had to put him to sleep 14 weeks ago this coming Thursday. My heart is still completely broken into a million pieces and I am struggling to put it back together again.

I keep Marmalade's ashes on my nightstand. I speak to his spirit each morning, when I return from my office and when I say "goodnight" every evening to him. We are all made of carbon, just like the stars in the cosmos. So we are all made of 4 billion year old stardust. As our pets are also made of carbon, so they too are stardust. So when you look at whatever contains your boys ashes? you are looking at what contains stardust. This comforts me, as my boy's love was mystical & enchanting.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Mysweetsimba
Hi Lalf. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet boy as well on the 9th Aug. While it didn't make my pain go away, it did shift slightly when I got his ashes. Kind of like, I don't have him the way I wanted to have him, but I have him nevertheless- I think this might be going through your mind?
I can't make the time or pain go away, but Gizmo is coming. You know this. We hope so much when we find out our furry loved ones are not ok that they will become ok. You have spot for him on his bed? I wasn't sure where to put Simba. But when I brought him home it was obvious to put him on our window sill where he would sunbathe. Tell us about him, any stories you can think of. We would all like to participate in sharing his memory.
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Lalf
I got gizmo back already and have his ashes in my bed next to me but it is beyond any pain I have had. I miss caressing his little body giving him love while he Gave me so much more . He can never be replaced and I am angry he didn’t survive the surgery we put him through last week. I lay next to a tin with his ashes and think about how a week
This time he was home.
He is everywhere in my home and I hate this house now because he is not here . I finally ate last night but was angry with myself for eating because after his surgery he never ate again. His little body gave out and couldn’t go on any longer . I am sorry I put him through the surgery if in the end it took him away 5 days sooner when every second counted . I can’t sleep this has forever changed my life in such a terrible way . I don’t know how to function . I don’t want to talk to anyone about anything or see pics and videos of him . I have lost pets before but this time is different maybe because I am older and needed him more than he needed me . I am so upset I don’t know what to do . I don’t want to go back to doing normal things because he is not here . I am angry why such a sweet and gentle soul is gone . I keep running through what we did and should we have ended his life earlier instead of trying to keep him going . I thought we could save him . I was wrong and I will question this forever. Life has changed and I don’t want the life now it is so sad.
Do you feel these things ? Has a few weeks of time help
Heal ? Will this pain ease up ? What do you do to cope ? I know your furry family member touched you so much too otherwise you wouldn’t be on this blog as I am looking for a way to deal with this . Life is so sad and having memories as everyone tells me isn’t enough. I want him back . I want my years with him back. It wasn’t long enough and never would have been no matter how long he lived.
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Mysweetsimba
Hi Lalf

Everything you say resonates with me. 
I have so much what ifs, guilt that I made wrong decisions, I know exactly what you are saying when you said he was just here a week ago. How does this make any sense?
I slept with Simbas bed a few times, crying my heart out, being careful to not disrupt his spot on the bed, not to lose his scent, his fur. I pummelled the bed and did not eat. I blamed and was angry and strangled all the time. I did sleep though, I have been listening to Zen Buddhist podcast and self help videos. I have been working late so I wouldn't be at home all the time confronted with his loss. His last moments rattling through my head giving me more angst. 
The difference is that I wish Simba got an operation. I believe he would have gotten better. To what degree? I dont know. He might have made a full recovery, he might have gotten a few days, weeks months. It might of been very comfortable it might of been horrible. You just dont know. You are having to make very logical and difficult decisions in a very emotional and hard time. 
You will find us all here having the same feelings. 
I am now also reeling from the reality check of mortality I have to deal with and am scared for every member of my family- I didnt notice Simbas cancer, how do I know it wont happen to someone else I love? Some of the medicine I ordered for him didn't come until it was too late, it all happen so fast. 
He is a rescue we adopted when his owner couldn't be bothered with him anymore- he was living on the streets and sleeping under cars whilst she would casually walk past him. When we took him in we found out he was old, but was in amazing health. We cant believe he didnt make 1 year with us. 

What I have realised is this, we were always going to lose him. Its the lifespan of an animl you cant get away from.
Either that, or something could have happened to me, and he could be back out on the streets. And he could have passed on the road, or in a shelter. At least he had me, with all my love. It does not make it ok but it does make me realise how much I love him and didnt what him to know anything but love in his life. And he did with me. Completely. 
Its also been a wake up call. This loss has coursed many things to come up that I have not been dealing with. I cant ignore these things anymore. My sweet boy maybe saving my life now. 
I have all his things out and will not get rid of any of it. I am giving his food this week to a shelter but nothing else will change. I am following the Bhuddhist tradition of bardo, basically praying for his love and peace, and keeping his things the way I have always done. You do this for 49 days, I hope I am in a better place then. Maybe this will be helpful to you too. 
Have a read through this forums participates, respond to people who have also posted, and maybe go on the chat as well. They all help in a little way. Stick some pictures up of Gizmo, here is one of my sweet boy. 
I wish you nothing but love and my condolences to you.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Sheridan,

Thank you for posting that beautifully written comment. It matters. Your post reminds me too of all of your important points. Which are so crucial to consider and remember during our individual times of healing. 

Well done.

My kindest regards,
James

(Ps. And I enjoy seeing photo images of your handsome lad.)
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Linda,

I am so sorry sweetheart for what you are having to endure. YES it does get better. The evidence that it will is posted in thousands of comments here on the Rainbow Bridge Forum. Wherein members (including our experienced Grief Veterans) 98% of the time share that they HAVE HEALED. It takes time unfortunately.

All we can do is continue to travel through time. One moment at a time, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, night by night, week by week, month by month and yes, at times...year by year. We may still think of our lost loved ones time and again and still miss them, but the grief, which is evidenced by most postings here on the forum DOES change. It metamorphoses into something much different. Then we will mostly be able to look back at our lost beloved's with less pain and predominantly remember the good, happy and cherished times we spent with them. For however short or long that time was. Again, the proof that this WILL occur is written and witnessed here on this forum.

In the meantime, please know that you are not alone. Your Gizmo is with you in spirit and we are all with you in comradeship. Together we are going to ride this grief out.

Kind regards,
James
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