topwatch
Saturday we had to put down our wonderful Rat Terrier, Elgie. Elgie was shortened over the years from the name Elgin as I am a watch collector and over 15 years ago that is the name she got. She was the bravest girl that struggled with elevated liver numbers, then various stages of kidney disease and then into stage 4 kidney with very elevated kidney numbers. She also battled severe arthritis and it was so difficult to battle both conditions at the same time. Her arthritis got so bad that was had to have a harness on her at all times to help her up sometimes, and steady her as she stood in the grass. Basically, she could not walk more than a few steps at a time. She was on the regular regimen for kidney disease and for the debilitating arthritis she was on tramadol, gabapentin, and a muscle relaxer each and every day. She also went weekly to the University of Florida small animal hospital for underwater treadmill, cold laser, and accupunture therapy. On Saturday she got sick and we did not want to see her suffer sickness. We would have done the fluids or even dialysis at UF, but she would still have had the terrible arthritis. The guilt that I am experiencing, like so many other posts I have read, is haunting me as I need to know I did all I could for her as I loved her so, but still maintaining some quality of life. She still loved to be outside if held and loved car rides, but eating was a challenge and she was dropping weight. Also, the medicine regimen was getting more difficult with her as she was so smart she would spit out the pills regardless of what they were put in and we tried every food imaginable. I am going on and on but I, like many of you, am experiencing this horrible loss of my best friend and constant companion. I am retired and since her Cushings diagnosis almost a year ago I was her main caregiver. Oh, she had Cushings also and that, although controlled, may have been the real start of her decline. In any event, I feel for all of you that are going through what I am going through as it hurts more than can be imagined. Some comfort, is that we now have her ashes home so she is home although in a different form. I love you Elgie.
dennis pruitt
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Bailey15
Hi Dennis,
I am so sorry for your loss! I understand how much it hurts. Please know that you did the right thing for your Elgie. From everything you described it seems you went above and beyond to keep her with you and to keep her comfortable. Your decision, factoring in how bad her arthritis had gotten was the right one. In fact it sounds like you chose the exact right time to let her go before she lost her quality of life and I know you didn't want that. We always look at the flip side and feel guilt - part of grief I think. Elgie undoubtedly knew how loved she was - such a gift that so many animals never get - and you gave that to her. It is so painful to go on without your constant companion but let the grief out when you need to and remember that you are not alone. We here all understand your pain. Keep coming to the forum - I found that it was so helpful because I could communicate with people who understood exactly what I was going through - so many people are well meaning but they just don't get it. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
MJ
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topwatch
Thank you so much!
dennis pruitt
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OmarR
topwatch wrote:
The guilt that I am experiencing, like so many other posts I have read, is haunting me as I need to know I did all I could for her as I loved her so, but still maintaining some quality of life.


I lost my Emma 3.75 months ago, on June 15, 2016. Sometimes it hurts just as if she passed away yesterday. Sometimes I question if I did all that I could. If I missed obvious signs that could have been addressed earlier.

I think it's natural for all of us to question or 2nd guess everything we did or did not do.


I know its hard for you to see objectively, but, man...if everything you wrote in your first post is the truth, all i can say is WOW! You absolutely went ABOVE AND BEYOND for your fur baby! The fact that she went weekly to the University of Florida small animal hospital for underwater treadmill, cold laser, and accupunture therapy shows miles and miles of heart and caring on your behalf.

Was she close to 15 years of age when she passed? To me, and I am sure EVERYONE else will agree, your girl was loved like a human and a family member.

We are all grieving our fur babies and miss them so very much, but I truly hope you are kind to yourself. You are the kind of person that any and all pet parents should aspire to be like!

Hugs!

Omar.
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topwatch
Omar,

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts. I really needed that right now. Yes, she was almost 15 1/2. Actually, she liked the therapy and it helped for a day or two like the adequan shots helped, but she just didn't have a quality of life I know that. It is just hard like I know it is for many others here on this forum. Thanks again
dennis pruitt
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LUCYLULU
Dear Dennis~  I am very sorry for your loss of Elgie. Such a great name & so much meaning too. I understand how unbearable it is to be in the world without your girl. Your whole world, routines, getting up, going to sleep-- nothing feels right. Coming home or being home-- neither makes sense because the house is a hollow shell without her. You clearly did anything & everything & then some for Elgie. You gave her everything that you could and then some. She knows. It's only now, after many months that I can say I believe at the precise moment we make the decision to take their pain, we chose because we listened to our hearts. We didn't want them to suffer anymore. But after they're gone, we question our decision(s) or feel guilty or just replay everything. It's because we miss them with every single fibre of our being.

Your girl Elgie is with you now...as your read the forum stories...and when you say her name aloud. Keep talking to her. Ask for signs. Write in a journal. Whatever you can do to get through these next days & weeks-- please do. Please be kind to yourself. Go slow-- moment to moment sometimes. Because the wave of grief & pain can overwhelm. We all truly understand. She is with you always. Your love is forever. Huge hugs & healing, Kasey
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topwatch
Thank you so much. This forum is filled with wonderful people like you. I could use the support for sure. I have been lucky and have never experienced a real huge loss before. My parents are in their 80's and still here and up until Elgie I was never what I would consider a dog person. Oh, I liked dogs but thought they were too restricting, but she stole my heart in about 2 weeks I think and now I am a forever dog person. Thanks again for thinking of me as this is so hard as right now I just go through the motions. I wish you peace.
dennis pruitt
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