Carolynskitty
It has taken me 3 weeks to find the strength to post to the forum. I lost my beloved kitty Rum Tum Tigger 3 weeks ago to kidney and heart disease. I had little time to prepare since his heart disease became evident only at the beginning of those 3 weeks. His kidney issue treatment was underway prior to that time. So many things went wrong with the order in which his issues were discovered. He may have had a chance if heart disease and high blood pressure where diagnosed first. I know this changes nothing because my Rum Tum is gone. There is just the frustration and sadness knowing the outcome could have been different.
My husband and I have rescued several stray, unwanted or feral kitties over the years. Thirteen years ago Rum Tum and his brother and sister were born to a feral female in our backyard wood pile. We were able to capture all of them and had mama spayed. When I held Rum Tum in my hands as a little kitten all those years ago, a bond was formed that grew stronger over those years. He was my buddy always. If I were in the house he would come find me. If we were outside in our backyard he would come when I called him. If I came in the door after being away, he would greet me. We shared an uncommon understanding and love. He would lay on the arm of my recliner and turn upside down for belly rubs.
Rum Tum was my heart and soul. And now my grief is bottomless. And the pain is unrelenting. I cry every day. I have other kitties to care for. I love them all. None can come close to what I shared with my buddy.
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Gingers_Mommy
I'm sorry for your loss Carolyn. My heart goes out to you. I've found this site incredibly helpful in helping me vent my grief and also in the solidarity of others experiencing a loss too. I hope it helps in your grief too.

Sending you warm hugs 💛
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redgirlraven
Your story is almost exactly like mine. In mine I ended up with my soulmate kitty Roary his brother Biggie and his mommy Screamy. Poor Screamy passed years ago from Cancer at a very young age and a super rare cancer. She was still pretty feral st her passing but she was a good girl. This summer suddenly one June morning Roary couldn’t breath. After being rushed to the ER vet found out he had lung caver. He sided within the week - alone on the OR table at age 9. I have his brother Biggie and other strays I have adopted over the years but nine of them are to me what Roary was. None of them love me as Roary did. I feel like I died with him some days.
Look into the ball on the box theory of grief. That is what I think my grief is like.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know time will help both of us. It has helped me a little - I’m not drowning in tears as I write this - which for me is improved
I understand your pain and wish you some relief from it.
AR
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redgirlraven
Also, please be kind to yourself. You saved him and so many other kitties. Keep being a good person while so many others are heartless or cruel.
AR
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CarolineMc
Grief takes time, and you have all the time in the world. But do not forget your other kitties love you as much as you loved your buddy. Never forget that they love in different ways also. And be good yourself. Do not hide from the world. Keep reaching out. We are here for you. 
Caroline McClain
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Carolynskitty
To Gingers_Mommy, to Redgirlraven and to CarolineMc....
Heartfelt thank you to each of you. I have said goodbye to several kitties over the years. All rescues. And all very loved. It never gets any easier. And the loss of my Rum Tum has devastated me. He was so special and he and I fought this battle together. But we couldn't win. And so little time to prepare. He passed away at home in my arms.
Thank you again for your support and words of comfort. My heart goes out to each of you and your losses.
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Becky1990
Carolyn,
I am so sorry for your loss of Rum Tum. I still find it very hard to write to him on here and it's been 5 weeks since I lost mine . When we get that strong bond to our furbabies, it takes a long time for our hearts to heal. Just know that you gave him the best life and he will always love you too. Our babies aren't in pain anymore and that I am grateful for. Please keep writing and let us know how you are doing. We all care here and you are not alone. Big hugs.
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Carolynskitty
Dear Becky, thank you for your kind words and support. I think joining this forum was right. My doctor recommended this site when she saw the pain I am in. It took a while before I could find the right moment to make an entry. Too much pain to get around. I don't know details about your loss, but we share the same anguish and grief. Thank you for reaching out.
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Maiaboo
Hi! Many years ago we had to put down our sweet mama cat due to our own ignorance. She had 2 litters, we kept dad cat and 2 sons and got them all fixed. Except for her. She would continue to go into heat over the years when suddenly one day she acted like she had a litter. She made you follow her into the corner of a closet as if she had kittens there. The next day she couldnt even move she was so sick. Found out she had ulcers in her uterus. $800 surgery and she MIGHT survive. We couldnt afford it at the time and reality sunk in. We had to put her down 24 hrs later. Just this morning i brought my 13 yr old yorkie to be put down after living a happy life but plagued with seizures and accident prone. The image of his glassy eyes and the feeling of his head lying to rest in my palm will haunt me. But i know he was ok since i was the last person he saw. But it doesnt make me feel any better.
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Carolynskitty
Dear Maiaboo, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry for the pain you have suffered from losing mama kitty and then most recently your little yorkie. It takes a long time before we feel like trying to go on. My heart goes out to you. Maybe by sharing we can help each other heal.
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Becky1990
Carolyn,
I stories are similar. My husband and I have rescued many kitties over the years. This was my 19 yr old cat I had to put to sleep because of kidney failure. My husband found him in our backyard in the early 2000's, then he passed away in 2009 from Lou Gehrig's Disease. That
cat got me through that plus so many other losses. I am grateful that he was 19 years old but I am greedy and want more. Please let us know how you doing. xx
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Becky1990
Maiaboo,
I am so sorry for your loss too. They give us unconditional love and wish they could be with us forever. Please keep writing and let us know how you are doing. Writing has helped me tremendously. Big hugs
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Carolynskitty
Dear Becky, you have experienced some very major losses. I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. Lou Gerhigs disease is devastating. And your wonderful kitty by your side to give love and comfort. They love us so unconditionally. That's what I had with my special boy. Gone way to soon at 13. How lucky you were to have your wonderful guy with you for so long. But it is never long enough. We both know that. My heart is very sad for you. Let us hope that being with this special group of people helps us find comfort and strength. Hugs to you. Carolyn
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Becky1990
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you for your kind words. I too am so sorry for your loss of Rum Tum. That is such a cute name! Yes,13 is gone too soon. My heart aches for you as well. The bond you two have, is so special. I think many people don't think a cat will greet you at the door when you come home but they do. They give just as much unconditional love too.
Yes, Carolyn it will be 10 years this December. I loss my Mom on Dec.1st,.. my 16 y/o cat on Dec 4th, named Jenny, and then my husband on Dec.27th. Needless to say I don't like December! My husband was only 52 yrs old. We had been married 26 yrs at that time.He was a good man and I will never find another one like him. I am grateful that they all are pain free now. That is a blessing there.
How old are your other kitties (?) Again thank you for rescuing all the other furbabies over the years.You and your husband are special people. You are in my thoughts as we greive together. Big hugs to all of you.
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