kelly040506
Last week my family lost our first dog. His name is Buddy, and we had him for the last 14 years. While I knew that it wasn't possible, in my heart it just felt as if he would always be there. He had always been there making us laugh or letting me hug him while I cried. He was amazing, adorable, and such an important part of our family. Now that he's gone I don't know what to do. I feel absolutely devastated. I've been fortunate in my life so far in that I haven't experienced much loss until now. Losing our dog has been so incredibly painful. I didn't know he was sick. I woke up one morning to a message from my mom asking if I was awake. When I called her she told me that he had needed to be put down in the middle of the night. I never got the chance to say goodbye. I just wish he knew how much he was loved. I'm finding it impossible to accept that he's gone. When I'm away at school I'd rather imagine that he's at home getting all the love and attention he deserves and is waiting there for me when I come back. But he's not and I just can't wrap my head around it. I know often people have their pets put down, but I'd just never imagined that it would've been something that we needed to do. I'm struggling seeing it as merciful. Rather, I feel worried deep down that it was giving up on him. My mom decided to have him cremated, which I know is something that a lot of people have done when their pets pass away. I'm not sure why, but the idea of having my pet cremated feels so wrong. It seems disrespectful in a way. While in my head I can come to the realization that it may not be that way, in my heart it feels as if I've done a disservice to him and I'm not sure how to change that feeling. The grief and the crying hit me in waves. When I'm distracted I seem to be okay, but the minute I'm left alone I grow anxious and upset. I feel guilty when I let myself be distracted. It feels as if I should be spending all my time mourning him and that it's disrespectful to do anything else. Although that might not be the most logical thing, nor the most healthy thing for me, I can't help but feel that way. I've never felt heartbreak so strongly that my heart physically hurts from crying. I really feel at a loss. Would it be wrong to stay in denial forever? I don't want to move on. I don't want memories of him to fade. I don't want people to talk about his existence and the way he brought joy to my family in the past tense. I want the memory of him to live just as strongly as he did. I just wish he was here and that I could give him a hug one more time and tell him just how incredible he is and how much he is loved. I'm having a very difficult time coping with the loss of one of my best friends and am hoping that writing some of these thoughts and feelings down will be a good start. I love you so much Buddy.
Kelly H.
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chilover
kelly040506

I send my condolences - I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Buddy..I know exactly how you are feeling, I am too having thoughts about the cremation situation, thinking that I was doing a disservice to my beautiful baby Daisy when she was cremated, even knowing it was either that or burial & is the normal thing to do following a passing.. I know the heartache is crushing & you may feel like you have no interest in anything else right now, but I have been told that it does get easier in time. Everyone is different. If you feel like you need to cry shout or scream then do so, as that is the healing process in order for release, just allow it to flow through you naturally. It has been just over 2 months for me & it still comes in waves & I have never in my life felt pain like this which shows how much my Daisy meant to me & your Buddy meant the world to you too I can see.. I believe our pets teach us so much about love & they never let us down, we trust them & they trust us too. We never experience with other humans what we experience with our pets & non pet people just don't understand. Our pets are our world & that is why we grieve so deeply.

A little while after I lost my baby I found a lovely journal which was designed for the life & memories of a dog & I bought it. It was the only one sitting on the shelf & I thought that it was meant for me. I have also bought a pendant that I wear around my neck with Daisy's name engraved, it's a heart shaped pendant!

I hope that whenever you feel ready you can create a wonderful memorial of your lovely Buddy, it will help you on your journey..

Please keep posting on here & talking about Buddy. I send you my support & peace & light.

You are in my thoughts.

chilover
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