Eddiesmom
I am riddled with guilt.  My beloved German Shepherd Eddie died March 9th. He was a gentle giant, a wonderful, wonderful dog I only had 5 years.  I rescued him so not sure of his age, around 10 or 11.  Anyway I noticed his stomach was hard on a Monday, took him to vet Tuesday and he died after surgery to remove a growth on his spleen on Weds.  I was in shock, he was healthy....or so I thought.  Devastated.  Back home I have a foster dog Henry with special needs, he is blind and has DM.  Our house was very sad after Eddie died.  Henry had been going down hill as far as being able to walk less and less.  Even though Eddie was not pleased with having Henry here the last 1 and 2 months....and I hope that didn't contribute to Eddie's death....his loss was felt by all including Henry and my schnoodle.  Anyway I put Henry down last week.  I am riddled with guilt that I 1. didn't notice Eddie was sick until it was too late and 2. I am worried I jumped the gun putting Henry down....he still liked to eat but with the house being so sad, so was he.  He could hardly get around, which was very sad...he would take 2 or 3 steps and then fall.  I made the appointment because I thought his quality of life was bad but today I found this quality of life measurment sheet and according to his score he still had quality of life so this is making me doubt my decision even more.  The house is SO quiet, a special needs dog takes so much time so I feel I have nothing to do.  The trust a blind dog gives you is different from a regular dog...he trusted me beyond measure and what do I do, take him to vet to be put down.  I cannot forgive myself for letting either one of my beloved dogs down.  My schnoodle misses Eddie SO much, he mopes and sleeps on Eddie's bed which he never did before.  I take him everywhere with me...not that I've been doing much as I'm so depressed. I take him for walks at parks where Eddie didn't go because it was too sad to go to Eddie's favorite park.  Thanks for reading....thanks for this forum.
Sue E
Quote 0 0
Beaglemomma
Doesn't sound to me like you acted too fast with Henry.  He was obviously in pain and you gave him the greatest gift of love we can give our babies.  Someone here said that "you took on their pain to FREE them from their pain".  It is not easy to make that decision and I know you didn't do it foolishly or selfishly. Somehow no matter what the circumstances we seem to find a way to place guilt on ourselves when there clearly is none at all.  I am in that boat too even though my head tells me differently, my heart is broken. 

My Molly had a stroke, which was so sudden there really wasn't any choice, but I still feel guilty that I couldn't comfort her more, not even sure she knew I was there.

Please be kind to yourself and try to picture them all playing and healthy over the Bridge.  We will see them again.
chair.JPG 
janice
Quote 0 0
JerseyNonna
sue, i'm so sorry about your loss of your loved eddie and henry but honestly I don't think you let either of them down but gave to them the greatest gift of love any of us can offer our fur-babies, freedom from pain, illness and injury.  you gave them permission to cross the bridge to a wonderful place where both are young, healthy and whole again.  eddie is young and able to run again and you gave henry his youth and sight and i'm sure their spirits are still with you.  it is very difficult for us to trust that we did the one thing not in our best interest but for our loved friend's.  I now believe that guilt is part of the grieving process and us humans will always second guess our decisions even those that are right....and your decision with both was the right decision.  I absolutely agree with Janice above in that you should try to be more kind to yourself and picture eddie and henry running and playing together where they will wait to be reunited with you.  we're here for you sweetie and giving you many many hugs.
JerseyNonna
Quote 0 0
maryellen1952

I adopted 3 adult Pekingese from a breeder who didn’t take the best care of them earlier in their life & after 4 years all of them died within the past year.  There are many of us who have felt the same as what you are now going through so just remember that It is normal to experience these emotions.

Quote 0 0
Eddiesmom
Thank you ALL SO much!!  I feel better from your kind words and I am sorry for your losses as well.
Sue E
Quote 0 0
Mistysmama
Dear Eddiesmom,
I am so very sorry about the loss of both Eddie and Henry in such a short space of time. It must feel like your world caved in suddenly. I hope you and your Schnoodle cuddle up and try to understand this in your hearts together. You must both feel quite lost right now.

I know that spleen cancer Eddie had. My girl had that too. It is the weirdest cancer because no-one knows they have it. Even they don't know. Sometimes the only warning there is is a sudden collapse. There is no prevention for it and no cure and no early screening -or anything! And it is NEVER as a result of anything we did wrong either. That deadly hemangiosarcoma gets some of them and sweeps them out of their bodies so quickly. We are the ones left with the shock and questions....

Poor sweet Henry....You helped him and gave him such a good life as his foster mother. Where would he have been without you? Eddie might have been unsure about welcoming him into the 'pack' but that is typical of a male alpha dog about the place. He had first dibs on you and on the house. That is a natural dog-thing, but isn't Soul deep. His Soul knows now at least (if it didn't know when he was alive here) that Henry needed comfort and help.

And as for Henry and what happened....things don't always happen according to some 'Life Quality Information Sheet'. Those are only guidelines. You knew Henry, and you knew when he'd had enough. Even if he still was eating and pooping...etc. We know our own dogs. We know them deep deep down. They have become a part of us and our family. We know when they are ready to leave and have had enough of dragging themselves in a trance around the house, or this Earth in general.

He is free now and believe me please, he will feel good about that. And he won't be a poor old blind dog any more!

They all live on, and so does the Love. Bless you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
Quote 0 0
Eddiesmom
Thank you, thank you, thank you Mistymom for your kind and heartfelt words.  

I know the spleen cancer is awful but Eddie's prognosis was good and they didn't think it was cancer just a growth.  I was so, so happy about this prognosis because of course when you hear tumor you think cancer.  I was relieved that they didn't think it was, who knows maybe it was as he died and I never had any tests done to find out if it was cancerous as there was no point he was gone.  I'm so, so sorry about your Misty.  I did have another beloved dog, Nadia, who did have the spleen cancer and did just collapse and die shortly afterward.  Gosh how can they be fine one minute and gone the next and we don't even suspect anything?  Although Nadia was looking thin beforehand and not eating as much as she usually did whereas Eddie had no symptoms whatsoever.  Actually with Nadia the vet thought she just had a stomach virus until the day she collapsed.  Ahh...so many dogs, so much love and heartache.

You are right about Henry, thank you so much, I did know him.  While these guidelines said he would have quality of life, he was declining for weeks if not months.  It's just the day I finally decided to do "it"...seemed like he was having a good day but I went ahead anyway.  I guess that's the was it was meant to be.  I just couldn't stand this proud dog having no dignity, falling into his own waste when he tried to potty.  The "guidelines" didn't say anything about that.  I really appreciate your words.

Did you ever get another dog?

I loved reading your dog2spirit, reading that did my soul good tonight.  I pray I have an experience like that.  Thanks again.


Sue E
Quote 0 0