Gabrielle_Joy

Growing up I always wanted a cat, but I lived in apartments that didn't allow it.  The only cat I ever befriended was a stray that was ultimately murdered by the apartment manager.

So I was worried to ever get a cat, it wasn't until I was in my mid twenties and I had been married for a few years that my husband decided we should go for it.  A friend of ours that lived a few hours away found a stray kitten under her AC unit, she was tiny and left behind by her mother.  

As she grew and we taught her how to be a cat, we never allowed her outside, she was never a very confident cat so we were worried it wouldn't end well.  Fast forward to our new house that was on an acre of land, we started allowing her time outside and she flourished.  She started to gain confidence and she started to be an indoor/outdoor cat.

Yesterday morning as we opened the door to let her in before we went to work, we called for her and she didn't come.  We started searching for her to find her dead in our yard, one large dog bite took her away from us.  She was 7 years old, she had many more years ahead of her.  

The guilt and pain is so strong I can barely function.  I own my own business so I have to go but I was crying the whole day, I couldn't help it.  I keep feeling like it was my fault for allowing her that time outside, but I knew how much she loved it.  When I called the animal shelter to report it, they said in our area 8-9 cats had been killed recently by a dog that hasn't been caught yet, I'm really worried about what I might do if I see that dog.

She was a very vocal cat, you could hear her calling for you through the closed door.  Not hearing it this morning broke me down.  Our other cat, which adopted us two years ago keeps looking at the glass door waiting for her.  

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I can't eat, I can't sleep.  All I seem to do is cry.  

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cpoh0625
I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my angel on 7/12, at age 7. They seems too young to leave the world but just think of God need his angels back for whatever reason... it's funny I think that way because I am actually agnostic so I don't really believe in anything in particular, but I do believe there is a higher power somewhere. I lost mine to polycystic kidney disease, treated him for about 7 months and ultimately lost him... we adopted him when he was 2 and he was only with us for 5 years, it was short but I wouldn't trade it for anything else. He was also an orange kitties, Fatboy, he was super friendly but never been outside, I'd like to think they are now friends and are exploring kitties heaven together. I cry daily too.. but I smile looking back at his pictures /videos. Hugs to you.

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alrcincy
I just lost my cat also to a wild animal attack.  He would go outside into the woods and would always come when called.  On Tuesday night he did not come when we called but it was too dark to look for him.  Yesterday I found him dead.  I am so upset for letting him out.  I feel like it is my fault.  I will never let a cat outside again.   I can't stop crying.  I can't eat or sleep.  
Amanda
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Eileennellie
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a kitty is always hard, and a traumatic ordeal. It is not your fault by any means. You gave her a happy life and she loved you for it. I hope you can find support and peace here, I know I have found some in hearing from others who are grieving. You are not alone.
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Gia
I totally understand the profound sorrow, loneliness, and guilt associated with the loss of a pet. I lost my little siamese cat Monday and I can't accept that I'll never hold her in my arms again. She gave me the greatest joy for seven years. The loneliness and sorrow are unbearable. I feel guilty that she cried when given the sedation shot and jumped out of my arms. I got to her before the second shot and sang to her and told her how much i love her but im distraught.
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BaronessVonFancy
I'm sorry for your loss. I hate to say this, but it doesn't get easier. You just learn to live with the loss my best friend Marco, my 16 year old Bichon Frise dog, passed away a year and about 4 months ago. I still cry almost every day about it. Some days are easier than others. Some days I don't cry at all. Some days all that seems like I do is remember him and cry. You will miss your sweet baby that's without a doubt. There's no easy way to go through this. I think we just learn how to live without them.
(*(*BaronessVonFancy*)*)
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Gia
I feel like I have no purpose. My world revolved around her and she was so sweet and affectionate. Will the guilt subside at least?
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BaronessVonFancy
There are days when I'm really sad that I still feel guilty. I feel like maybe if I had taken him to one more vet visit. I feel guilty that baby I should have done more with him. Taking him to more places. I know I did the best that I could. But sometimes you can't help feeling guilty. Even though I know our pets wouldn't want us to feel that way. Our babies knew that we loved them. And that we did the best we could that we knew how
(*(*BaronessVonFancy*)*)
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Gia
Yes, you are probably right there, but I fear that since her last moments were not as peaceful as I had hoped that possibly her last feeling was of fear and betrayal. I regret I opted for an at home hospice vet vs. having it done by her vet that knew and loved her and probably would have handled the euthanasia process better. It's the regets, the should haves that add to my already horrific sense of loss.
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Gabrielle_Joy
Thank you everyone for your posts, the first few days I cried more then I have ever cried in my entire life.  The pain and heartache were so intense that I just couldn't stop.  

It wasn't until the 3rd day after my Momo passed that I realized how difficult it was for my second cat, Mr. Kitty Face.  They weren't very close, but you could tell he always liked her.

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He was staying at the door for hours a day waiting for her.  She would always come to the back door and meow and scratch to come in.  And all he did was wait all day.  It broke my heart.  This was when I finally tried to focus my grief on helping my cat work through it.


I spent some time making my Momo's grave a special place, and now me and Mr. Kitty Face take a trip every morning to visit her.  I think he knows.  The minute I took him out there he rolled on top of it and started meowing, everytime he we visit he rubs on it and sits near it.

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It's now been 5 days since her passing and we are both trying our hardest to work through the grief.  We had both stopped eating, and this morning we both had breakfast together.  He has started to play again.  The grief and guilt are still there, I can hear phantom meows of hers every morning.  But it's not as overwhelming as it had been, I can see a picture of her without bawling my eyes out.  I can remember a memory and smile a bit instead of cry.  It still hurts, but having a place to visit helps.
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