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Caul270

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Reply with quote  #1 
Tonight I lay here unable to sleep knowing what I must do tomorrow, help my baby girl get her wings. She has lost the ability to walk and has a tumor in her spleen. Tonight was extremely difficult as it was the night of many “lasts” The last time I give her dinner, the last time I take a shower with her in the closet, the last time I get to say goodnight. It such a terrible feeling and it makes me so scared for tomorrow at 10:00 when LAP OF LOVE comes to put her to ssleep. I got her at 6 months and 2 days ago she turned 14. It’s just been me and her. No other dogs, no husband, just us for 13.5years. I don’t know how to deal with her absence and my lonliness. I suppose I’ll have to get through tomorrow first but it’s all so very terrifying. I don’t know how to go on without her. Any kind words would be nice or anyone dealing with a similar situatuation please reach out to me. I thank you. I attached pictures so you can see my beautiful girl.

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JK

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hello Caul,

I am praying for you and your baby girl. It is so hard, those lasts. We lost our baby girl, 13-1/2, just last Monday, the first dog I ever had. I knew the day before, because she was so sick, we were doing her lasts, and those were painful. I did have my husband, but we don't have any other pets and no grandkids yet, so we were/are devastated. Like you, our baby girl was our family. For your own good-byes, just comfort, hold, and love. I believe our baby was comforted by that, and she nestled in her daddy's arm while we held each other at the end. But she needs you. I've had notes from friends/dog lovers, but the two that meant the most were these: "you were the best dog mom ever and she knew it" and "it hurts like Hell." Both so true and true for you, as I can tell your vast love for your baby. You will get through this. 

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partangel

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Reply with quote  #3 
I am so sorry you are going through this! I had to make that choice for my sweet boy just 4 days ago and the pain has been unbearable. I didn't have the preparation though, it was unexpected and I had to make the decision quickly, as he was suffocating to death. I will be thinking of you and praying for you to have strength. I know I don't have it yet. I am still devastated. Keep talking about her to anyone who will listen! Pet loss support chatrooms are a Godsend! I have felt that other humans don't usually get it or get tired quickly of hearing about it. They believe our babies are easily replaced. But we know better. That's what makes our furbabies so fantastic. Just remember it's okay to grieve, it's okay to cry, to not eat like you used to. Time heals they say and I hope they are right! ((((hugs))))
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Missing my baby boy Goliath....A little heartbeat by my feet
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Caul270

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you for the support. Today was the worst day of my life. Next step, grieve. Following that, figure out how to live without her. Adjust to the new normal. Ugh. It’s all too much!
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partangel

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Reply with quote  #5 
It is too much, I agree. Life is so unfair! These were our babies, our children. The most unjudgemental, forgiving, loving creatures God ever created! I hold solace in believing that Goliath will be in heaven with me. That he is waiting for me up there, in my mansion until we meet again.

I am finding that the first three days are the absolute worst. The wailing, the unstoppable tears, the hole in your heart, the emptiness, the guilt, all-consuming. I held a funeral service for my precious boy and wrote him a letter that I buried with him. This really helped my heart. He is buried next to his momma and he has his own headstone. I loved him as much as, if not more, than my human children!

Embrace the grief because going through it is very necessary! I am living it and experiencing it as we speak. Last night was the first time I could actually eat real food. Depend on diet shakes or whatever you need to if you find it difficult to eat as I did! I have already lost 13 pounds because I haven't been able to eat. I feel guilty crying in front of my family, I know they don't get it. I feel bad that they haven't experienced a love this deep! It really helps to share your story over and over. Keep telling it...find a chatroom even, they help. I am doing everything I can to heal and grieve normally, despite what others think. You make sure you do the same! My love and prayers are with you! 

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Missing my baby boy Goliath....A little heartbeat by my feet
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SugarBooger

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Reply with quote  #6 
Caul:
Two days ago was the WORST day for me too. I put down our little girl, Sugar, who was 2 days shy of turning 12 yrs old and 1 month. I bring my dog up so you hopefully find some comfort knowing that about the same time, I had to let our girl too. It was 2/11 at 12:30 PM PST. It’s odd, I am obsessed at the moment looking at the clock and counting the # of hours she has been gone... the # of minutes I don’t get to see her jolly face or hear her toe nails tap at our tile floor. She is our second dog and our eldest whom is 15, going on 16 is still here. While I think we are lucky to still have the other, the dynamic in the house is not the same. I pray this new normal becomes bearable soon enough. Know that I and what I am seeing/reading is many others who feel your pain. Stay strong and be well!
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SugarBooger

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Reply with quote  #7 
BTW- thank you for sharing a picture of your dog. She is beautiful!
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Missmysweetboy

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Reply with quote  #8 
What a beautiful doggy girl. I love the pic of you two face to face. Sending big hugs to you and all on this thread. My kitty boy passed 3 mos ago. The pain in my soul from losing him has been excruciating. The passage of time is helping to dull it but I know the pain will never completely disappear. 😿
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155

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Reply with quote  #9 
Beautiful doggie indeed!
I am so deeply sorry for what you are going through.
My prayers are with you both.
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Caul270

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you for the kind words. I followed your lead and held my baby until her last heartbeat. It was peaceful and sad. I can’t believe I’ll never be able to touch her again. It a very weird feeling of emptiness. I’m sorry about your loss too. Our pets are our family. I hope she’s happy at the rainbow bridge and playing with your dog!
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #11 
What an awful loss. I'm so very sorry. There's almost nothing that compares to the pain and heartache. Be extra kind and gentle with  yourself while your feelings are so raw. My heart goes out to you!
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