Ayumi
We lost our family pet yesterday morning. It was so sudden and I am still unable to accept it.

My baby girl's name was Dolly and she was nearly 17 years old. She was chihuahua x mini fox who was full of energy and life. She was also in good health but suffered from arthritis in her hips, therefore we had to reframe ourselves with playing fetch with her too much. Even at her age, she loved to play, often bringing us her favourite toy to play fetch with. 

I did notice that in the past 6 months, she seemed to have aged significantly, as her nose muzzle turned completely white. She slept more but that was very normal due to her age.

On the day before, she slipped out of the garage, which was very unexpected. We would often leave the gates open and she would quietly sit within the boundaries of the home without slipping out. We couldn't find her that night but we found her yesterday morning, not far from our home, and she had passed away next to a tree. She was not hit by a car, nor was she attacked. She just looked like she was sleeping next to the tree.

My brother carried her home and we decided to bury her in my parent's backyard so that she could be with us. 

I am so very devastated as she was my first pet and this happened so unexpectedly and suddenly. I keep wondering if there was more that we could have done and my father is very devastated that he accidentally let her slip out. 

Dolly had a very adventurous life. She was always by my side when I was in university, and as I got older & started to work full-time, my sister took her to her farm where she hunted mice that was hiding in their house, and she often teased the kangaroos on the property. She was an excellent watchdog, exceptionally smart and easy to train and was so very loyal. As she became older, she came back to the city to live with us again. 

When she passed away, I was flying interstate for work and I couldn't be there for her. There are so many questions I am asking myself...what if I could have done more? Did I show her how much I loved her? Did I spend enough time with her? Did I do enough for her? What if we searched longer that night? What if we didn't let her slip out? And if she knew it was her time, why did she slip out of the house? 

I am so glad that we were able to locate her and that we were able to bring her home...but this pain just won't go away. I have cried so many tears and I know it won't bring her back...I wish she knew how much we all loved her and how much I miss her. 

I have lost my appetite and I can't sleep. I keep wondering "Could we have done more?" 

I miss her so much. We were so blessed to have her in our family. She showed us unconditional love and loyalty, I couldn't have been more luckier to have a companion like Dolly. People tell me that time will help, but I don't think it will ever dampen how much I miss her.

Dolly, I hope you are happy over at the Rainbow Bridge, pain free and playing as you always do. I miss you so so much and you will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you for being with me through the years, being my companion and showing me what unconditional love is. I am so blessed to have you in my life and I will miss you everyday. I hope that some day, you will visit me in my dreams to let me know you are happy where you are... 2011-12-25 14.00.42 copy.jpg 
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CKMP
Ayumi,
I am so so sorry for the loss of your special girl Dolly...She is so cute and what a tongue for a little girl!  
These special ones touch our hearts and fill our lives with so much and often we are unaware of how deep our connections are with them, until we must say goodbye...Along with grief, guilt seems to come and it this unwelcome 'visitor' that plagues our minds and fills us with despair, all those questions and the should haves and would haves...Guilt perhaps comes as we assume the ultimate responsibility for our special fur ones - their lives, from the minute we meet them, throughout the years and till the final day...It sounds like your Dolly had a wonderful life full of adventures and love and companionship...It sounds as if the "family pack" lived and loved Dolly each day and Dolly knows this...without a doubt.  She lived so long because of all the love and loyalty you had for her and to her...She still knows she is loved and missed -  she is now off on a 'new adventure' - back to chasing those balls; teasing those kangaroos and making sure there are no intruders that shouldn't be...She hears your voice and moves with you still.  While time if oft spoken of as a 'healer' - honestly Ayumi, I have come to believe it gives us only the opportunity with its passing to learn to live without our special fur ones, not miss them less, nor love them less, but merely learn how to live a life honouring the many 'lessons' they taught...Grief and the physical ache of the loss follows its own course - and really these are the unwanted companions to the deep love and affection we hold for our sweet ones...Our lives are made so different because of them; and always made so different without them...Perhaps each tear shed is a reminder of what was shared - a physical expression of often what our words can not express.  
Dolly is with you, within your heart and within reach of your voice...she will not wander far - as she is as loyal today as she was yesterday...She is forever and always your special girl.  
Take care - wishing you even a brief moment of calm and peace for your heart throughout these 'dark days' of grief and sorrow.  
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Ayumi
Thank you so much for your wise and kind words.
I do believe that she is on her another great adventure! Just imagining her playing with the other pups over the rainbow bridge gives me great comfort.
I just can’t stop missing her...
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camunki
Your Dolly is beautiful!! and yes, you did everything that you could for her. I know we all go thru the guilt phase and what we could have and should have done better or more of. This is all part of the grieving process.

From your post, i can see you loved this little girl so much. I have read before that dogs will try to be secluded and run off to be alone, when they feel that it is their end of life, maybe your Dolly sensed that with her instincts.

Your Dolly had quite the personality with chasing mice and teasing the Kangaroos.

I know the next few months are by far the very hardest, with sleepless nights, and tears that will come out of nowhere and meltdowns that will come out of nowhere, it is all because of the unconditional love we have for our babies.

And keep waiting for that visit/dream, and when you do have it it will be a blessing with your Dolly visiting you letting you know she is ok.

For now talk to your lil' girl she can hear you....and everything that CKMP posted is so true, we have been on these forums for a couple of years.

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.

Cam

Cam


 
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Ayumi
Thank you Cam for your kind words.

You are correct about the tears flowing randomly. One minute I think I am okay, and that I have accepted her passing, the next minute, the tears come flowing non stop and I am unable to control myself. 

I look at her photos and smile, thinking about the good times we had. She is so dear and special to me. She has brought so much joy to our lives and taught us so much about unconditional love, loyalty and patience. 
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