Kriz10L
I had to put down my best friend, my baby and my better half today. His name is Bubba and he was the greatest joy in my life. I can't get over the unbearable heartache and devastation I feel along with the guilt that came with having to make the decision to let him go. Bubba was a french mastiff and the most loving, sweet dog ever. I got him from the pound 13 years ago and they guessed that he was about 1 1/2yrs old at the time. From that point on, we were inseperable. Everyone who knows me, knows Bubba. He was so kind to every one and everything. He raised one of my 3 cats and was my very best friend and the thing I trusted most in life. He started having trouble with his back legs over a year ago, which I thought was just arthritis. After treatments weren't helpng much we found out that he had degenerative spinal myeopathy. My vet told me that there was no way to treat that and that eventually he would be paralyzed. Over the last year, he did ok. He had some trouble with stairs but still got around on his own. I came home from work a few days ago and he just couldn't use his back legs anymore. I would have to sling him to take him out and he couldn't walk on his own. He still wanted to eat and was very alert but seemed very frustrated that he couldn't move the way he wanted to.I had him on pain meds so I don't think he was in any pain. It was heartbreaking to watch. So I made the awful decision to let him go today. He went at home, in my lap, showered by my tears and me telling him how loved and treasured he was and how grateful I was to be his Momma.  I am so heartbroken and hurt and can't stop crying. I'm so afraid that he wasn't ready to go or that there was something else, some other medication or treatment that I could have tried. My vet (who is a friend also) insists that nothing else could have been done but I can't get past this horrible guilt and grief. I lost the better part of myself today and I don't how to make this pain stop.
Kristen
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Lety
I am so sorry for your loss, I have tears from reading your story, know that he is in a better place right now, he has no more pain and I am pretty sure he is happy running around like he used to, but he also gets sad knowing you are sad, I hope your pain gets better, and I know it will, it's been one month for me, the pain is never gone but it will get better with time. I will keep you in my prayers.


Baby Mommy misses you lots, it's been one month today since you left to be with our Lord, I am so happy now knowing you are enjoying the warmth of his arms. I love you Nacho!
Lety
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SicilysMom
Kristen...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Bubba.  I too had to put down my sweet 8 year old pug Sicily two months ago due to cancer, and I completely understand your grief and guilt.  I struggle daily with questions of whether it was too soon and if I did enough for her before making that decision.  It's crushing and rips my heart out. 

Please know that we are all here for you to support and listen.  I don't have all the answers of how to stop the pain as I am still trying to figure it out myself.  My faith is the only thing that helps me to get out of bed each morning and put one foot in front of the other.  I know that God understands, and feels my pain and holds my baby in his arms until the day I will see her again. 

Rest in this promise that Bubba is now out of pain and running like the wind with my Sis and you will be re-united someday.

Praying for you...

Stephanie (Sissy's Mom)

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CoopsMomma

Hi, Kristen...I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  It sounds like you and Bubba had an amazing connection which reminded me of how I was with my dog, Cooper.  People would call him my shadow because he would follow me EVERYWHERE and if he lost sight of me even for 30 seconds, he would start to cry.  

I had to let Cooper go a couple of weeks ago and I still feel guilty.  I'm starting to understand that there will always be a part of us that wonders, "What if I had done this" or "What if I had tried that".  To me, I don't think those types of questions will ever go away.  Cooper was only 7 when he was put to sleep and one of the main things I said and still say is "How could this have happened...he was only 7" and "How come I didn't see this sooner."  Like Bubba, Cooper had a degenerative spinal issue, his was Intervertebral Disk Disease (IVDD).  In the course of one week, he went from being normal and happy to completely gone, couldn't walk and had a severe neurological disease.

In another post, a forum member wrote, "
His life was not his illness, or the final moments - it was all those years of the happiest he could be."  Those words have really helped me tonight.  Also, coming here and reading people's stories and writing things down have helped as well.  When I actually sat down and wrote Cooper's story, even thought it made me sad, it also empowered me (which might sound weird) to let people know about what happened to him because maybe someone has another pet going through this same issue and doesn't know what to do.  I was telling the story to a good friend of mine at her work and she pulled one of her co-workers into the conversation and it turns out that her Yorkies are going through what Cooper went through so I gave her all the information and references that I had.

I know its hard and there will be times where it doesn't seem like there is hope or good times ahead, but just think about those little quirks that Bubba had or those special moments you shared together.  I can only write what has helped me and thinking about when he was happy and at his best is what gets me through each day.

Sending you a big hug and please know you can write to me if you need someone to talk you.

Sincerely,

Jessica (Coopsmomma)

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NRead72
I had to put mine downlast night and we did all we could she lived a good lige but she was my other half as well i just keep crying ill be ok then ill see another dog or ill find her ball anf i loose it all over again i cant sleep she was my sleeping buddy :( i feel ur pain and he was blesssed to have a good momma and u did eberything u could
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