SadieMom Show full post »
Hi Everyone I am new to this forum. I too lost my baby girl Hitomi. Today is one week since it happened. I feel so many emotions inside me, mostly uncontrollable sadness. I rescued Hitomi from a no kill shelter six years ago. I didnt go to the shelter for myself, I went to look for a dog for my disabled Aunt. From the very first moment I saw Hitomi I was filled with so much love and happiness, and I knew that I had to take her home with me. She had a stub for a tail ( probably was cut off on purpose) which she wagged so hard when she saw me. She wagged that nub so hard that her whole bottom moved. I told my Aunts grandaughter that she had to get her and she told me no that she was an ugly dog, and they wanted a puppy. I didnt think that I could get Hitomi because I already had a dog and two cats at home. I asked questions about Hitomi and was told she was in shelter after shelter and was in an abusive home. They said no body wanted her. Next thing I know I was bringing my dog spot in to meet her. They played so happy together and that sealed the deal. Hitomi was coming home. Two years ago Hitomi got a cyst on her side that popped and all this stuff came out. I took her to a vet (the only one I could find open on a sunday) and he told me it was a sebaceous cyst. he gave her some shots and said if it doesn't go away she made need surgery to remove it. It would cost 1,000 to 3,000 to remove and would not guarantee that it wouldn't come back. Well it came back alright two years later and bigger than ever. It opened and stuff came out so i figured it would go away on its own. It didn't even with me cleaning it three times a day.It started to smell bad and her leg on that side swelled up.I took her to the vet a different one this time. They said that they believed that it was a mammary tumor. They did all these tests and said it was cancer. They felt that she could still have a good quality of life if they did surgery. I could not afford the surgery on my own so my son opened a care credit credit card right on the spot and was approved. We decided to give Hitomi a chance. surgery was scheduled and an estimate of cost was made. Hitomi had to go back every three days prior to surgery to get mandatory bandage changes as this tumor was leaking stinky fluids. Now mind you this Dr. told me he was completely confident in successfully removing this tumor. I took Hitomi back the day after her diagnosis to get re bandaged because she somehow got out of them. The Dr. felt as though her leg was worse than the day before and wanted to move the surgery up. by doing that he would not be available to do it himself. He tried to  send me to another place that wanted double the price he was charging and I couldn't. I just didn't have that kind of money. So surgery was moved up and to be performed by a different Dr. at that office. Everything about that day was so wrong. Hitomi didn't act right, and seemed so sad. I was told to bring her at 7:30 am and I would have a consult with the Dr. at 8am. The Dr. called to say she wouldn't be in until 10am. I was told to leave Hitomi and the Dr. would call me before the surgery. I kissed Hitomi on her nose and looked into her big beautiful eyes told her I loved her and would be back for her. I went to work and waited. 11:30 came and no call from the Dr. so i called. I was told that Hitomi was in surgery already. I left work at 1pm and waited to get a call to see how she was doing. 1:27pm the Dr. called and said she wanted to prepare me for the surgery and what to expect. What?! I thought she was already in surgery. She told me that Hitomi had anemia and there were some risks associated as with all surgeries. one being that she doesnt do well with the anesthesia. Two they wouldnt know what it looks like until they go in and might not be able to get it all out. She also said that she could lose the leg. Another thing she mentioned was I could be paying all this money and end up wihout a dog. Hitomi didnt go to surgery until 3:30 pm,but I assumed she went in after the Dr. called. I called them around 4:38 to see how Hitomi was doing and was told they were stitching her up then then they would wake her up. she said it was a risky therapy level 4 out of 5, and she might have to be transfered to another place for the night to receive care 24/7. I was told that i could head over about 5:30 to see Hitomi. I got there about 5:30 but was not permitted back to see her yet. I waited for the Dr. to come out and talk to me. She said they were unable to get it all out and that it would grow back but didn't know how long it would take. She discussed Hitomi's at home care with me. I had no choice but to take her home because I couldn't afford to send her else where. Medicine was discussed  and I asked if she should still take the pain medicine they gave her. She said "your giving her pain medicine, I did not know that" i told her yes and what kind. she said " I wish I would have known". I didn't think to ask her about why she said that then I just wanted to see my baby. You see I suffer from anxiety/panic disorder and Hitomi was there for me she was my companion and calmed me down so that i didnt have a full blown panic attack. I was told after Hitomi got sick that I could register her as an emotional support dog and take her where ever I go. I was planning on doing that after she got better. My daughter and I were finally allowed in the back to see her and she was so weak so drowsy. She couldnt even lift her head. her eyes did get big when she saw me, but despite all my efforts I couldnt get her to perk up. They showed me her surgery site told me what to expect and said they were still trying to bring her temperature up before she could go home. They wrapped the surgery site up and was preparing her to leave. The Dr. ordered a final pain medicine in shot form. My son got there and about 20 minutes later Hitomi passed away. She never made it home.  
hitomi's mom
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Oh my gosh, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss!! That is horrible!! Thank goodness you were there with your baby when she passed, so she wasn't frightened. That entire day sounds like a living nightmare, and you have my deepest sympathies. I know how hard it is to try to function after a loss like that, plus you have the shock of everything happening so fast. Please treat yourself gently, and know that your Hitomi is still with you and knows that none of this was your fault.
If love could have kept you alive, you would have been here forever.  Mama loves you Miss Wiggles <3
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