GawkiesMom
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This is long, I'm pretty much using it as a journaling method, but if you make it to the end - Thank you.

Our sweet Gawkie passed away suddenly yesterday. We took him to the vet for being lethargic and had a feeling it was too late, birds don't really show signs of sickness and when they do its usually too late. With Covid we weren't allowed in the building during tests and were told he would go on oxygen and be monitored so it was ok to head home and they'd call with an update, not even two hours later he was gone. No real answers and lots of mystery as it is when suddenly losing a bird. He wasn't a young man (it's estimated by his previous family he was in his 40's), but I thought I would have at least 5 years with him at minimum so the shock and pain are immense. We adopted him August 6th 2018 less than a week after moving into our first home, everything upstairs was designed for him and his comfort. When moving in here there were many delays with the sellers and it was going on at the same time as his adoption process. We had already met and fell in love with him in spring and just wanted him home already, we were afraid that if this process took any longer the agency would move on to another family so I put my big girl pants on, gave the lawyers, realtors, and mortgage company a piece of my mind and sped up the process. 5 days after closing he was with us. We scrambled to set up his area so there would be minimal changes to it when he moved in and the rest of the house was untouched- the first two weeks we slept on a blow up bed next to his cage because our room wasn't even finished. It took him a few months to let me fully pet him, almost a year to be confident to go back n forth between my lap and his cage, and the last few weeks we had been working with him on visiting downstairs with preparation of a second cage for him to hang out in, he seemed into it. Having him warm up was a long process and I know that he had full trust and love for me and our relationship was just going to get stronger and more fun as time went on, I feel like that time was stolen. Our routines are turned upside down. We usually give him a little treat, say good night - he says "Night Gawk" back in the sweetest little voice, we cover him for the night, have alexa turn off his light that's named "Gawkie's Room" and sometimes he would continue to say "Night Gawk" as we descended the stairs. On nights where he wasn't ready for bed he would cry from his cage or full blown protest by not going in his cage - we eventually learned not to fight it and we'd say "Oh he wants to party tonight" and leave him be, just for him to be exhausted in the morning and nap all day. In the mornings we'd wake him with breakfast and he always had an excited response of "Hi Gawk!" sometimes ignoring breakfast all together and just wanting some cuddles. He would sit with me on the couch demanding head rubs, nibbles of my food (parrot approved), and would get talkative when a song or video came on that he enjoyed - Sometimes even making fun of voices with a mimic and a head bob. He would dance when he was happy and yell if he wasn't, he showed more complexity than I have ever seen in a pet. Even yesterday I had served his breakfast and was settling in for some Youtube with him as he came to me and lost his balance-making me realize it wasn't going to be a normal day. I've lost many pets in my life, but this one is hitting the hardest, our bond was strong. I wasn't ready for him to go and I guess if I had more time with him it would have been even harder after forming more memories. I'm so grateful everything worked out and we were able to have him in our lives, I just wish I had a chance to love on him and kiss him more before he left us. When I realized he was sick yesterday morning I wrapped him up in a blanket and just held him, giving him kisses and head rubs, hoping he would say at least one "Hi Gawk".. he never did, he was just too weak, but his eyes were innocent and loving looking back at me. I really hope being at the vet alone didn't scare him and he understood he was being helped and that we would never leave him. I feel a guilt that most of us feel when losing a pet especially since I don't know what happened and I don't know what to do about it. I know it takes time, but I'm not great when dealing with emotions especially when something is out of my control and I can't make sense of it. Normally I run from it, distract myself, do anything to feel it minimally so I don't have to face it. That is almost impossible to do when you're quarantined to the tiny house you built around this little being. It's so dang quiet. You don't realize how much noise is made just by a pet moving and breathing until they're gone. We have a little Chiwee, but he's almost silent and sleeps all the time - maybe we can get him to run and play for some noise lol. I guess what I'm going to try to get from all this is healthier coping mechanisms and try to face my grief head on and see what happens and what that looks like for me. I love you Gawkie and if there's an afterlife I can't wait to spend it with you and all my other babies. I've submitted Gawkie for the monday candlelight tribute, I hope to be able to connect with some of you there and share beautiful memories of our babes. 

-Cheyenne
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Mar
I'm so sorry for your loss ! These beautiful beings take our hearts with them. We love them so much that ,the pain is so real and deep. My baby Pixie passed away 3 weeks ago ,and its been so hard for me. I just can't focus on anything!! I wish you peace of mind and comfort ...take care. 
Blessings 
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codysmum102
Cheyenne,
I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how you feel when you say it's hard to live in a house that was set up especially for your baby.  We moved to a different city so we could buy a one story house.  We were living in a two story and my precious baby boy Cody was having difficulty navigating the stairs.  The last 3 months we lived in the two story I slept downstairs on a mattress in the living room so Cody wouldn't have to go down the stairs and back up after going to the bathroom outside.  We moved into our house September of last year and in November found out he had a brain tumor.  He passed away January 11th of this year after we were only able to enjoy him in our new home for 4 months.  The house was basically for him.  We had a park across the street and he was just getting used to the neighborhood and finding new routes to walk.  Everything reminds me of him and the house is just not the same anymore.  It doesn't mean anything to me without him.  Life is so very hard and empty now without him in it. Being stuck in here with the COVID virus shutdown is hard too because I can't get out and do things to distract me like I used to.  He was my baby, my little white shadow, the child my husband and I never had together.  My heart is broken too.  I am usually at the midnight candle ceremony so maybe I will see you there.   
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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GawkiesMom
Mar Mar wrote:
I'm so sorry for your loss ! These beautiful beings take our hearts with them. We love them so much that ,the pain is so real and deep. My baby Pixie passed away 3 weeks ago ,and its been so hard for me. I just can't focus on anything!! I wish you peace of mind and comfort ...take care. 


Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss as well. I've been finding meditation to help my anxiety and focus a bit better
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GawkiesMom
codysmum102 wrote:
Cheyenne,
I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how you feel when you say it's hard to live in a house that was set up especially for your baby.  We moved to a different city so we could buy a one story house.  We were living in a two story and my precious baby boy Cody was having difficulty navigating the stairs.  The last 3 months we lived in the two story I slept downstairs on a mattress in the living room so Cody wouldn't have to go down the stairs and back up after going to the bathroom outside.  We moved into our house September of last year and in November found out he had a brain tumor.  He passed away January 11th of this year after we were only able to enjoy him in our new home for 4 months.  The house was basically for him.  We had a park across the street and he was just getting used to the neighborhood and finding new routes to walk.  Everything reminds me of him and the house is just not the same anymore.  It doesn't mean anything to me without him.  Life is so very hard and empty now without him in it. Being stuck in here with the COVID virus shutdown is hard too because I can't get out and do things to distract me like I used to.  He was my baby, my little white shadow, the child my husband and I never had together.  My heart is broken too.  I am usually at the midnight candle ceremony so maybe I will see you there.   


Sounds like you understand completely. It's especially hard being stuck at home during times like these. I'm sorry for your loss, he got to live his final moments in comfort and happiness with you and that's beautiful 
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chilover
Cheyenne.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your  beloved Gawkie. It is excruciatingly painful to loose a pet, I have never experienced anything on this scale, ever...He was a handsome boy & he was in his 40's? I don't know much about  parrots although I have heard that Ravens can live for a very long time, into their 40's too..You sure had a wonderful, sweet, loving relationship with him as you expressed in your post. It made me smile when I read that he used to demand head rubs, dance when he heard music & liked cuddles. My heart breaks for you and I am sure that he would have known you were present as you kissed him & wrapped him in a blanket even though he was weak.  This Corona pandemic is so difficult as getting out of the house has been a distraction for me, & when my beloved Chihuahua 'Daisy' passed I always liked, & felt a strong desire to be surrounded by calmness & stillness - a desire to be amongst nature & to go to a particular very big beautiful catholic church where I could just sit in peace, to think, reminisce & cry openly in the most peaceful, spiritual surroundings. Like many others, I long for this all to be over so I can get out & continue with my healing journey.  I lived alone with my baby & the house is just dead!

I see a little dog in your profile picture..May I ask about him/her? because my beautiful beloved Chuhuahua 'Daisy' who passed looks just like him/her. 

Sending you comfort & peace on your journey
Hugs
Angelina (Daisy's mummy)
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GawkiesMom
chilover wrote:
Cheyenne.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your  beloved Gawkie. It is excruciatingly painful to loose a pet, I have never experienced anything on this scale, ever...He was a handsome boy & he was in his 40's? I don't know much about  parrots although I have heard that Ravens can live for a very long time, into their 40's too..You sure had a wonderful, sweet, loving relationship with him as you expressed in your post. It made me smile when I read that he used to demand head rubs, dance when he heard music & liked cuddles. My heart breaks for you and I am sure that he would have known you were present as you kissed him & wrapped him in a blanket even though he was weak.  This Corona pandemic is so difficult as getting out of the house has been a distraction for me, & when my beloved Chihuahua 'Daisy' passed I always liked, & felt a strong desire to be surrounded by calmness & stillness - a desire to be amongst nature & to go to a particular very big beautiful catholic church where I could just sit in peace, to think, reminisce & cry openly in the most peaceful, spiritual surroundings. Like many others, I long for this all to be over so I can get out & continue with my healing journey.  I lived alone with my baby & the house is just dead!

I see a little dog in your profile picture..May I ask about him/her? because my beautiful beloved Chuhuahua 'Daisy' who passed looks just like him/her. 

Sending you comfort & peace on your journey
Hugs
Angelina (Daisy's mummy)



Thank you so much for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear about your Daisy. Yep Gawkie was in his 40's, his original parents got him in the 70's- unfortunately his first mom passed away so he went to a parrot rescue in CT where I adopted him August 2018. He was so intelligent and you could tell he had been alive for some time and understood most of what we were saying (full sentences!). 

The dog in my profile is still with us. His name is Mr. Pickles and he's roughly 9yr old. I got him from a rescue in 2012 who had saved him from an abusive breeder. He is overly spoiled now and has moved with me from CA to NY. I swear he was a human in his past life, so much personality and communication from his little bug eyes. Did you always plan on having a chihuahua or did it just sorta happen? I feel like most people I know with chihuahuas previously associated them with yappy stereotypes and now can't imagine having any other breed in their life haha. 
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chilover
Cheyenne.

That is wonderful that you rescued Gawkie. I saw some parrots on TV once and one was white like your Gawkie & when you wrote about him head bopping and dancing it reminded me of the one in the TV programme. One had been previously plucking out it's feathers because it happened to have been lonely and depressed, bless it's sweet soul..It is ok now though!

Oh my goodness - Mr Pickles! I love his name & he is a beautiful boy, he looks like my Daisy! What a little darling he is. It is wonderful that you also rescued him. Thank's to your kindness Mr Pickles went to a loving home & is a happy boy. My Daisy was originally bought by a lady from a puppy farm. She didn't have her for very long & decided to contact a rescue to take her because Daisy became nervous around the children in her family. I got in contact with the rescue at the same time & through them she came straight to my home before going to the rescue to live.( perfect timing ) She had so much personality too, just like your Mr Pickles & she would look right at me & I would sing to her & kiss her sweet face.

I always wanted a Chihuahua & glad Daisy was the one who came to me. I fell in love with her straight away.  You are right about them being associated as yappy stereotypes. It always made me laugh whenever I would see one barking or acting dominant as they are so tiny. Daisy wasn't a yappy one however. I too could never have imagined of ever having another breed, they are absolutely magnificent little dogs..Did Gawkie & Mr Pickles like one another?
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JulieF
Gawkies mom - I am so sorry for your loss!  I know whether furry or feathered, our babies fill up our hearts and when they are gone, that part is missing.  I lost my Tuxedo cat one week ago yesterday at 19.  I had him put down because of illness.  I hope you can find some comfort in this forum and everyone on it - we all know exactly what you are going through.  Hugs and bless you.
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