Humanswithpaws
I wrote on here quite a while back now when I lost my Noah the most amazing chihuahua and dog I have ever known. For you that don’t know my story he sadly died 20 months ago of Gastroenteritis it was very sudden and lots of mistakes by me and the vet the day I lost him. I’ve come on here because after yet another cry over him I needed to come back I need support because I feel like I’m loosing my mind.

i haven’t been on here for so long because I couldn’t not that I didn’t want to I just couldn’t cope and still can’t. Before I lost my boy I was happy Gemma I was sociable I loved my walks I loved my friends I loved life. But I have never been the same since it’s damaged me so much I would go as far as saying it’s ruined my life. I’ve seen councillors I’ve shoved pills down my throat but I just can’t be fixed. I’ve had severe insomnia since loosing Noah, I am on antidepressants and I’ve put on 3 stone. I don’t socialise I just lock my self in my safe place (home). I haven’t dated or even attempted to I am miserable. And I can’t see a way out!

I have 6 beautiful dogs who I love so much but Noah was one of a kind I’ve never had a dog like him. I need to know has anyone else experienced anything like this it’s nearly 2 years down the line and I still feel so broken. I want to find the energy to loose my weight, to see friends to live again. Please help me I can’t cope anymore I just want the old me back 💔 D99E6F12-C6CF-4939-AA37-1F5D1ADB9EE2.jpeg 
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Pennysforevermom
This is a beautiful picture. I understand how you feel. I lost my Penny 12 days ago to congestive heart failure. She was with me for 14 years. I've had trouble sleeping and have lost 12 lbs in 2 months. I know what you mean about guilt and vet's mistakes. I have experienced this. First when she was misdiagnosed 5 years ago (vet said she had a bacterial infection, but it was lymphoma) and then again in December when I found out about her enlarged heart. The vet blew me off and said that it was a normal part of aging. I'm sharing this with you because I get through each day by acknowledging that I did the best that I could to help my baby. Noah knew how much you loved him. I can tell by looking at this beautiful picture. You are a good pet mom. The end of his life was only a small percentage of the time you had with him. I try to focus on all the wonderful, fun, loving, carefree (disease free) years that I had with Penny. That's what keeps me going. If I focus on the 4 months of her life, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning. Sending love and comfort your way. Take one day at a time. That's all we have.

Tonya
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Heartbroken73
I too lost my best friend and the most beautiful blessing I had every day for 12 years two weeks to the day..I had to say goodbye so quickly and so dramatically It hit me after that I consoled but never said goodbye.. I've spent every day since trying the best I can to give that goodbye with pictures and on here and sharing his memories with all that will listen..sadly we are the ones that carry this weight and emotional remorse and often regret and being them being our babies its how it always will be even when gone..its how it should be because all of us here shared something special and not everyone has the love or ability to have that special and the want to protect our babies comes with that..I didn't eat for 4 days and every day I rub his toys and paw print along with his ashes and say good morning and goodnight to feel closer and due to the regret of not having him near and feeling helpless.. I too was failed by the vet I entrusted his care too and it stole away the goodbye he so richly deserved and so anger finds its way into this sometimes too..sometimes it feels as tho life is too much and as it races by in front if me and others get on there way that I am numb and broken and just want to avoid all things because its moving to fast and so unfulfilling now with this empty space him leaving has left behind.. Your picture is beautiful its worth more then a thousand words and can see the love.. Try to think if that love if can and how wonderful and special it is to have that and be blessed with that.. I will share more of my story and would love to hear about Noah whenever up to it.. Just know your not alone alot of people on here have really big hearts and many are broken too like Tracy who has been here for me.. At least its given me some comfort to express and share his loss and even more important his life and not feel so alone and that there are good people in the world when most of it is so cold and dark.. Hang in there I know exactly how you feel.. Virtual hug  
George king
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Humanswithpaws

Thank you so much for your kind words both of you. It’s a lonely place where I am now with how I feel and my thoughts. I can’t really speak to anyone about it because people are sick of hearing about it 20 months down the line. I believe if it wasn’t for the vet Noah would still be here. Is it normal for me to feel like this 20 months on? 

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codysmum102
I know people here on the forum who are still grieving after years. If you read some of the PalRIP thread you will see that Joe lost his beloved Pal in 2014. Everyone experiences grief differently. I've lost many pets before and even my parents and the sorrow I felt when they passed is nothing like the grief that I have experienced since my baby boy Cody died this past January. He was my confidant, my baby, my once in a lifetime pet and I will never be the same. The hole in my heart is huge and it will never be totally mended. The fact that I am stuck at home due to the COVID19 lockdown doesn't help because there is no escaping the memories of him. We went everywhere together and he was such a huge part of my life and always there for me when things were bad that I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. It is so very hard to think about living the rest of my life without him but there are others who depend on me just as it sounds like there are other furbabies that depend on you too. I know that I will never be the same person I was before but I have to try to get used to this new normal and make the best of it. Just keep pouring out your feeling on here because it does help. Take care.
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Gmr
I know exactly how you feel and am going through that myself right now. Sorry for your loss. Hugs
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Kelly_1968
I understand your pain. I lost my boy chocolate last week and he was my everything. This pain and regret and grief is eating me up. Not only does it bring reality to life and how time flies but makes your realize how life is so precious. I put him down after he ketoacidocious diagnosis and how sick he was. We struggled getting him to eat and he just wasnt accepting  it well. Seems as soon as we started insulin he wasnt the same. Lots of hugs to you. At least i dont feel like the only o e who feels this way.
codysmum102 wrote:
I know people here on the forum who are still grieving after years. If you read some of the PalRIP thread you will see that Joe lost his beloved Pal in 2014. Everyone experiences grief differently. I've lost many pets before and even my parents and the sorrow I felt when they passed is nothing like the grief that I have experienced since my baby boy Cody died this past January. He was my confidant, my baby, my once in a lifetime pet and I will never be the same. The hole in my heart is huge and it will never be totally mended. The fact that I am stuck at home due to the COVID19 lockdown doesn't help because there is no escaping the memories of him. We went everywhere together and he was such a huge part of my life and always there for me when things were bad that I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. It is so very hard to think about living the rest of my life without him but there are others who depend on me just as it sounds like there are other furbabies that depend on you too. I know that I will never be the same person I was before but I have to try to get used to this new normal and make the best of it. Just keep pouring out your feeling on here because it does help. Take care.
Kelly garrett
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