avery
Hi,

I'm posting here in the hope that I can find some support to help me cope with the grief I am currently going through at losing my dog, Dexter, who was involved in an RTA. He was almost 3 years old, and a chihuahua cross.

On Wednesday 27th July at 8pm, he was attacked by two large dogs whilst we were walking him off the lead at our local park. I have lived here for 6 months now and felt completely safe until this happened. A spaniel and husky ran over to him, and he bolted in panic. The husky gave chase and scared Dexter so much that he ran off up the canal by our house. Myself and my partner ran after him for 2 miles before losing sight of him, and shortly after we were both assaulted when we turned to a member of the public for help during this distress.

After we arrived home, we spent all night and the following day out looking for him. I registered him on every single missing dog site I could, contacted all the possible dog wardens, animal shelters and vets in the area. I posted in several local groups and lots of people got involved in trying to find him. My friends were out in the park on shifts from 4am on Thursday until 8pm that night in a desperate search for him.

I got several calls for members of the public in the area to say that they had seen a dog of a similar description to Dexter get involved in a RTA, but that they were unsure if it was definitely him but that the body was collected by the local council. I was on the phone on and off all day on Thursday with the council who constantly denied ever receiving a call about a dog. Eventually, I managed to track down someone who was with Dexter when the call was made - a lovely security guard at the student halls where it happened. He spent 20 minutes on the phone with me giving me as much information as he could as to exactly what occurred and who was contacted. I was informed that Dexter ran straight across the road and was hit by a car before it could stop and died upon impact, that he died with no suffering. His body was moved to the side of the road where the guard and many of the students came out to stay with him until he was collected, as none of them wanted him to be on his own. Following that, it took me many anguished hours on the phone with council until I was finally able to track down where Dexter's body is now being kept until I can collect him.

I am...incredibly heartbroken in a way I can't describe. I feel entirely consumed by grief, by guilt, by desperation, denial, shock, anger... I am only 23 years old, and Dexter was given to me by a good friend as an assistance dog to help with my depression. For almost 3 years he was there for me, every single day. He gave me an incredible sense of purpose, and gave my life meaning. I have gone through an incredible amount of hardship these last few years, but I knew that I could deal with anything because I had Dexter. And now he has been so cruelly snatched away from me because of someone else's irresponsibility. I am completely devastated and struggling to even process what has happened to me these last few days.

I'm desperately just looking for people to talk to who can listen and understand what I'm going through. I feel like I have lost a part of myself, like part of my soul has been torn from me, and I am in constant agony. I simply do not know how I will find the strength to carry out the funeral arrangements and say goodbye to him, because I simply cannot let him go yet. He was only a baby, and I had so many plans in the future for us. I wanted him to grow old with me, and that he would still be around when I had children, and he would be their dog too. But all of this has been stolen from me, and I just cannot deal with it.
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Manjack
I am in tears reading your posting about Dexter's unfortunate death.
I know all too well how hard it is to deal with the loss of a pet but your situation was complicated by the stress of not being able to find him, the subsequent lack of information and communication. I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

All the feelings you describe are so familiar to me. I found this forum because I was totally blindsided by my reaction. I was afraid because of the intensity of what I was feeling...disbelief, shock, inability to perform the simplest of tasks, feelings of panic and desperation, nausea, sleeplessness .. Thankfully I came to learn that these feelings are normal and are in fact shared by many, many others.

Right now you are in shock and have had an extremely stressful experience around the loss of Dexter. You need to take time and mourn your loss. If you read other threads you will realize that here in this forum we all share one unhappy experience; we have loved and lost. It does not matter if the pet was lost due to illness, old age, accident or any other reason. The pain of that loss is the same. We understand exactly how you are feeling right now.

We lost our dog 16 weeks ago today. I want to encourage you in telling you that it does get easier with time. I still love him and miss him desperately but the grief changes shape. The panic and desperation will give way to sadness and loneliness. I am moving towards acceptance ( despite the fact that today was difficult).

This journey is a roller coaster and follows no timeline. Know that you are not alone.
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Graceful
Dear Avery,

A heartbreaking, if not harrowing, series of events just occurred in your life, and in Dexter's life, and I am truly devastated on your behalf.   I am so sorry, no words can even come close to conveying just how badly I felt reading the story of your sweet beloved Dexter and the tragic twist of fate that ended your lives as a twosome.

What can anyone here tell you to reassure you and validate you at a time like this?  You feel as you do because your soul has been ripped into pieces and your heart is broken because you loved your Dexter with everything that you are, just as the rest of this forum have felt; that's why we are all here, we all treated our pets like a family member, a child for some, a brother or sister for some, a best buddy and friend, and simply put: a true love.   Pure.  Innocent.  Uncomplicated.   Dexter sounds like he completed you, and you were very lucky he came into your life.  My family had a Chihuahua when I was younger, and I loved her to bits.   They are incredibly lovable dogs.  

Please pay attention to your depression, as you said you have had a hard time dealing with depression in your life, and Dexter was a big reason that your spirits were uplifted the past few years.  You will need a great deal of time to process and journey through a loss of this magnitude and your grief is going to be tough to handle, so I hope you can get support from a physician as well as from any close friends who understand the way we do on this forum.

I was deeply touched to read that there were people with Dexter after he was hit, and did not leave his side.   What lovely, compassionate people.  Is there anyone who will be able to help you with the funeral arrangements?   You may find a tiny bit of peace giving Dexter a service: say everything you want Dexter to know.  

I am so, so sorry that Dexter was taken from you so suddenly, and that this loss is so tragic.   There is a candlelight service on this website on Monday evenings, if you feel up to it, you may want to check it out.  It is at 9:00 p.m. EST.   You can also submit a short tribute for the service, even if you can't attend (see top level on this website), you will feel he is included. 

Light a candle in the meantime, if you find that of comfort.  I will say a prayer for you and Dexter.

Sending you hope, strength, a ray of light and enduring faith, in remembrance of Dexter.

I don't have to know you to tell you that I care, and with that, send you my love.
Grace ~ oxoxo ~

"Now that the time has come
 Soon gone is the day,
 There upon some distant shore
 You will hear me say,
 Long as the day in the summer time
 Deep as the wine-dark sea,
 I'll keep your heart with mine
 Till you come to me"  (LM)

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SonnysMomma
I am so sorry for your loss.  My baby passed 6 weeks ago come this Wednesday.  It did not happen in a good way and for that I shudder and still fight feelings of guilt and intense pain.  But, as Manjack states, those feelings of complete and utter desperation, panic, and for me thoughts of death (my own) do dissipate.  I have a cousin that is like a sister.  I talked on the phone with her for hours on end to keep my sanity after I lost Sonny.  Now, it's sadness, loneliness, still a little guilt tries to creep in, and sometimes still-disbelief.  I miss my boy and still have a memorial set up with his urn, a pic of us, and I light the candles - they stay lit, when I am home.  

What helped me with the way he passed was watching videos by Danielle Mackinnon.  It wasn't until I watched her video's that I was able to calm down my pain enough for Sonny to visit me in my dreams.  

Blessings my friend.  
Sonnys Momma Furever
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miss_nibs
Hi Avery, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. I am here to talk if you want to. This forum really does help. I also took the suggestion here of someone to write a letter to my little girl. I read her the letter at the funeral my husband and I held for her. We had her cremated, and the vet's office also took a little paw print from her, which we have framed. I'm so sorry this happened. Hugs to you.
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CB
I am so, so sorry. This is a terrible tragedy. Dexter sounds so lovely. My thoughts are with you. Grace, Manjack, SonnysMomma and and MissNibs have put things so well so rather than repeat the messages I sincerely hope you can follow the good advice. Please be sure my thoughts are with you and I hope you check in here often to find support.
Love you forever and ever and I will be there for you xx
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csexton
Avery, I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your sweet Dexter. I know the pain you are going though. This forum really does help as everyone here understands what you are going through. This Friday it will two weeks since I lost my Bug. Like Dexter was for you, he helped me get through some very hard times in my life. I feel lost without him, but like everyone tells me, you have to hold onto the memories that you have. As hard as it is (I know its hard, I battle this everyday) you have to think that Dexter spent his life trying to make you happy and its obvious he did a great job at that, so remember now that he wouldn't want you to be anything but happy. With time these feelings will get easier to deal with. Right now your emotions are so raw, at two weeks mine are still raw, but I promise one day you will get to the point of peace, where you know that he is in a better place, and whether you realize it or not he is with you. And his goal now is to still see you happy.
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PatriciaPurvis
I am really sorry for the loss. Living beings in our life are something which someday have to go away from us. No one can replace anybody but this life cycle has to be accepted by us (humans). I have read an article on website, if we want our dear ones to be happy we need to make great arrangements for their funeral customs in order to help release their soul from present life. So you need to take care of these things and gain strength in making the arrangements.
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