I wanted to spare you of even one more moment of pain.
I wanted to rush it up, and have done with it. My love! my angel!
...and now I can’t forgive myself.
I did not give you time. I could pet you couple more times. You could give me couple more purrs. Couple more days, couple more hours.
But you were so weak.
Please forgive me iubirea lui mami...because I can’t forgive myself.
I knew nothing about what I just did in vet’s office. I just knew that I wanted peace for Loli.
I did not want her hiding and make that stressful trip again. And now every single memory, good or bad, is tearing me apart.
I feel like I’m dying.
I can’t stop crying. she was very shy... In the quarantine months she was coming straight into my room...she started to warm up...after so many years...we were happy together.
When I was in vet’s office I did not want to see the 3 inches monster that took my baby away from me.
Lola was so sweet and special and she was afraid of everything.
Now I am tormented with guilt. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. I miss everything about her. My house felt never so empty.
I wrote Lola a letter begging for forgiveness because I can’t forgive myself.
Maybe if I can see her records, what was wrong in her little body then I hope I can get some kind of closure.
I hope I can let her go and rest.
My black angel needs her little black wings.
Losing her is heart wrenching because this is the only time in my life when I was called upon to kill something I love. That’s what happened with Her. I had to euthanize her because she was not herself.
I found out that she was very sick. I feel very guilty about that decision. I was not prepared for it, I haven’t thought through the emotional, moral or psychological elements of it. The truth is I ’ll never know for sure if I made the right decision. I can’t tell even today if I’m sure that it was the right decision. It was just the best decision I could make at the time. I can’t look to other people to tell me if I’m right or wrong.