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CCIntrigue

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Reply with quote  #46 
Pamela, please keep talking here.  We all feel your pain and understand what you're going through.  Talking helps.  And time also helps.
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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #47 
thank you so muck h for your kind and caring words posted above as they mean more then anyone knows .

littleguys mom 

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #48 
littleguy my dear sweet boy you are missed more then I could ever explain to anyone I think of you all the time there are very few moments in my day or night that your not there and don't take me wrong I love your brothers dearly but there are times in life when someone takes your heart and doesn't give it back and this is one of those times .you are just the most unique dog that I have ever know as your moodiness and personality cant be matched you were who they had in mind when they made the phrase gentle giant .there hasn't been a day that I have not shed tears of heartbreak over you being gone after a month I still cant go in the back yard or even think of bringing chicken into the house as both of those things were your most favorite things in the world and yes also going to Willowick you know what that means.my dear sweet beautiful boy oh how I miss you so much as life will never be complete again until we see each other again .

love mommy        

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #49 
hi my dear boy just came on to say we love and miss you dearly .its just seems like whatever I'm doing I'm trying to focus on that but you are there right in my mind as I'm always thinking about you no matter whats going on .I just love you so much and I'm so lost without you here things just are not the same now and will never be again ,until we meet again my dear boy.

love mommy 

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #50 
good morning my dear boy its been another long day without you here I just miss you so much and feel so guilty about how you passed  if only id I had know about the preventive surgery that they do to dogs to prevent the bloat and stomach twisting I would have had it done for you as look at everything else we had done to try to make things better for you and I just cant  believe the vets that all my boys had been going to all there  lives never said a word about it after knowing about your stomach issues that you had and I'm just so angry over this as I might have had you to love longer if only I had known and I'm not blaming anyone but me as I should have done better homework about the needs and issues large dogs have .I'm just so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me and really cant bear this guilt if only I would have did things different maybe you would still be here with me .people keep saying that it gets better but so far it hasn't and I'm just not  sure how to make anything better anymore but I have to keep trying as I have your brothers and I need to be the best that I can for them,until I see you again.

love mommy  


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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #51 
hey littleguy its me again well today I finally had to go out in the backyard as someone had to clean the other boys mess up and when I got down to the very back and looked at that spot your favorite spot behind the garage were you passed I broke down again as that picture of you laying there just flooded back to me and we have such a beautiful breeze today all I could think of was how much you would have loved it and it just doesn't seem fair .but I really pray and hope that you are finally pain free and happy up in heaven and looking down and knowing how much you were loved and still are as my heart break continues for you dear boy as I really don't think I'm going to get over this as all I think about is being with you again I cant wait for that moment but in the meantime I still need to take care of your brothers until we are all together again love and miss you

love mommy      

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Miss_my_pug

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Reply with quote  #52 
I'm so so sorry about your little guy. He sounds like such wonderful soul and was so lucky to have such an amazing mom who loved him dearly. I hope today is a peaceful one for you. I feel your pain, I truly do.
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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #53 
dear miss my pug

thank you for your kind words posted above and I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy as he had a very loved and wonderful life with you and when this happens we never feel that enough was done no matter what we did. but most of all we gave them the most precious gift given love . and they gave it back plenty fold as its a true unconditional love and may you also have peace and comfort.

littleguys mom   

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #54 
hey my sweet boy its another day without you and I'm still crying not over you being gone cause I finally know that you are at peace and pain free but for myself of not having you here with me to just give me a reason to smile .you know in all my thoughts of you from the 1st day you were a very old soul even in your youth so serious all the time and head strong when you wanted something .but maybe that was because there were so many issues from the start that we tried to fix but in the end I wasn't there for you. Littleguy I just want you to know I would have given anything to be there holding you in the end and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you and I do think you wanted to pass alone as that's just who you were as you had the strength of any army after all you had gone through prior and did not want to see anybody hurting .but I think I would not have as much guilt as I have if I would have been there for you ,but you seemed fine a few hours earlier and I just missed what was going on I guess ,littleguy just please somehow someway send some sign that you forgive me and are ok.until we meet again I love you my dear boy and miss you more then anyone will ever know .

love mommy

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #55 
hey sweet boy just wanted to talk to you again as I needed too ,I just love you so much as I don't think I have ever loved a human as much as I love you as nothing has ever hurt this bad and I cant imagine what is going to happen when your brothers time comes I might as well go with him as I don't think I will make it .the love with you was so strong and special its just really hard to not have you here with us, I break down everyday driving to or from work as that's my quiet time and when I think of you the most and life just seems so lonely without you  my dear boy and you were my sunshine on a rainy day and always there when I needed you but when you need me I failed you and right now I cant forgive myself but in time I hope I can and I hope with all my heart  that's left that you have until I see you again hugs and belly rubs .

love mommy      

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #56 
good morning boy just wanted to say that's its a cold rainy day just like the kind you would love and want to stay out in all day but then  we would  argue when I would make you come in as you never wanted to .the seasons are changing up here in ohio and its just the kind of weather you always loved and that's really hard as I have thought several times of how you passed at the end of a very hot summer which you hated and now that your winter is coming you are not here to enjoy it .but I really hope and pray  your getting all the winter you want with the chicken also as those two things you loved dearly ,until we meet again love mommy.

love mommy

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MySweetSammie

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Reply with quote  #57 
Thank you for sharing the story of your little guy. I am very sorry for your loss. I am only at day 3 of losing my Sammie with no warning. He was only 8 and I thought I had so many more years with him. I thought thank God cats have a longer life then dogs because everyday I live in fear of losing my sweet pup. It is my sweet lab/chow who is 13 that I always lost sleep over, worrying if she was ok, worrying about losing her. I worried about her while my sweet Sammie snuggled up in my arms each night. Never knowing that it would be his loss to hit me first. I too feel like I am not giving the other 2 furbabies the attention they still deserve. I am trying to kiss them, love them, and make sure they know how much I love them just like before, but it's hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to function. The house needs cleaned, Jake's litter box needs cleaned (that came with a pit in my stomach that it is no longer their litter box), so much I should be doing yet I don't want to leave my bed. I had to go back to work yesterday just 2 days after losing Sammie and I couldn't wait for it to end to get back home and grieve my baby. To be alone with my pain. I am more afraid then ever now of something happening to my 2 other babies. I couldn't have known Sammie's bladder would burst. What if there is something I don't know? We go to the vet regularly, I take precautions with Belle due to her age and medical conditions, Jake is 7 and just went for his regular check up 3 days before Sammie passed, but what else?? What don't I know? This pain is more unbearable then I ever could have imagined, the thought of feeling it ever again feels impossible.
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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #58 
thank you so much for the words of caring and kindness and like you I thought I had so much more time with my littleguy as it was his older brother cade that I thought would go 1st even so much that I took cade on a road trip earlier in the summer to do a bucket list with him  to different beaches and stuff as there newfoundlands and love the water and can remember telling my littleguy that just him and I  would go next summer never even thinking next summer wouldn't come and like you I have 3 more babies still here and I'm trying to show them all my love but I'm bearly hanging on right now and now I just worry about the others going so sudden as my littleguy did and  my boys have been going to the same vet since day one my littleguy was just there 4 days before he passed and everything was fine so they thought and the loneliness and depression is so bad I don't want to get out of bed and do anything, like you I go to work and just worry about my boys when I'm away from them.its been 38 days since my littleguy passed and I have cried all 38 days so far not all day like the 1st days but everyday as I just miss him so bad as he was so unique just such a gentle giant and so easy to please and like you I just want to be alone with my pain as most people don't understand now after all hes been gone 38 days to many I should be almost over it but believe me I'm not even close and may never be as I lost the love of my life .

I'm so sorry for your loss and know just how you feel

littleguys mom     

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #59 
hey littleguy its me again as I just needed to talk to you I'm thinking of you all the time lately as the weather is changing and all I can think about is how much you would have loved it and how much I miss you .its been 38 days since you left and I have cried all 38 days you were just such a special boy and believe me I love your brothers dearly their why I'm holding on but you were the one that took my heart and never gave it back as you were just the most laid back content dog I had ever know all we had to do was pet you when you wanted it give you chicken and your back yard that you loved so much and just those simple things made you so happy .oh how I'm miss you barking at the air and now I'm so sorry for those times I made you stop I would give anything to here it again ,but this morning I think you sent me a sign as daddy had taken your brothers to the park and I was home alone and I could swear I heard you grunt from right in front of the recliner oh how I hope it was you letting me know your still here and not mad at me for not being with you,if only I would have known I would have my dear boy .

love and miss you
love mommy   

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MySweetSammie

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Reply with quote  #60 
My niece has her first homecoming dance tonight and I feel like I am letting her down by not going to see her before she leaves. I had planned to be there for this occasion, like all the others in her life, but I never planned to lose my baby boy. All her friend's will be there with their families to see them off and I can't even look at people right now without bursting into tears. Nobody has to say anything, just looking at the world going on around me, hearing people talk, all leads to tears because my baby is gone and my heart is broken.

I love my little Jake so much, but I felt so guilty yesterday missing my sweet Sammie so much with his unique personality that I felt resentment towards Jake because he wasn't Sammie. Because he wouldn't give me the affection Sammie did when I needed it so badly. Jake is different. A sweet boy who is opposite of Sammie, he is shy, more reserved, cuddles on his terms. I would be heartbroken if something happened to him and I feel guilty even saying I resented him for a second outloud. I cried at how horrible it was to even think that for a moment and then told him I was sorry and that I loved him. Sammie was such a big personality and the hole left is huge.

Every time Belle even gets up to move, I'm startled and jump up to check on her. I held her and cried last night begging her to be careful because another loss would be truly unbearable. She keeps pacing from my room, down the hall to the front bedroom, then comes back lays down, and repeats. Her legs are weak and I'm afraid she'll hurt herself continuing to go up and down. I'm afraid of everything.

Jake was startled earlier today and I told him it was ok, mommy wouldn't let anything happen to him. Then I burst into tears wondering how often I had unintentionally told that lie to my babies. His brother was gone, I couldn't protect him, I didn't mean to lie to them. My Jake is afraid of a lot and I'm afraid of how he'll adjust to this new "normal." I can't even help myself adjust. The vet said there is a calming spray I can use for him if he seems stressed out during this time because they will mourn the loss of their brother too. I made myself laugh for the first time in days when I asked if they had a spray for me too.
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