MaggieMay
Just over 4 years ago my husband got me the most amazing gift for my 23rd birthday.... a beautiful boxer puppy. We named her Maggie. Oh she was just adorable. I fell head over heels straight away. I was absolutely smitten. We did everything together. Everywhere I went, she went too. We were inseparable.  I loved her so much.

She got very sick a few months ago. She started getting seizures. She was getting them almost on the hour, it was awful. The vet told us he thought she had epilepsy but that there was a chance it might be a brain tumor. We tried the epilepsy medication and she improved. We were so happy. Unfortunately 2 and a 1/2 weeks ago the seizures started again. We tried a number of things like anti inflammatory medications, we tried increasing the epilepsy medication but nothing helped. She was getting worse and worse. On Thursday night the 29th of July she was really bad. Seizures were horrible and we just knew we couldn't let her suffer any more. She wasn't able to stand up and we had to give her water through a syringe. It was just awful. We made the decision to put her to sleep. It was the most awful day of my life.

It will be 2 weeks on Friday since my baby girl died. She was the most loving, caring, affectionate, beautiful dog. I'm so lost without her. I cant cope with these horrible feelings of emptiness and sadness. I'm struggling to keep going. She was everything to me and now she's gone i don't know what to do.

She was only 4 since May. Its just not fair. How can this be happening. I still cant believe it. I'm in a complete daze. My body aches so much, every limb feels heavy, my chest feels like its going to explode. I cant sleep at night even though i'm worn out from crying. I cant stand to be on my own for a minute, i feel so alone without her. I just want her back so much, i'd do anything to have her here with me again. I miss her more than words can describe.


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Susie_Squillions
Dear Maggie's Mom,

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss, and I can identify with what you went through with Maggie.  We lost our Bengal Cat, T.J., to a brain tumor and his symptoms were very similar to Maggie's.  It's so heartbreaking to see them go from being such healthy, active friends to being so sick and losing control of their mobility.  The fact that Maggie was only four years old must make it extra difficult for you.  My heart goes out to you now.

Maggie was so fortunate to have found her way to your home where she knew a lifetime of love in those four fleeting years.  Although to you Maggie was only 4 years old, a four year-old Boxer is the equivalent of a human who is about 33 years old.  Still far too young to leave you, but I hope that knowing she was an adult helps you to understand that she had more time with you, from her perspective, than it seems like she did.

Everything you are feeling now is normal.  It takes time to recover from such a devastating loss, and it helps so much to have a community of people who understand the depth of your sorrow the way everyone here does.  For me, the two week mark has always been just about the most difficult time.  At that point, it seems like the people in my every day life are ready for me to move on, but I am not there yet.  The comforting dullness of grief is beginning to wear off, and the stark reality of what's happened is just starting to sink in.  The pain of loss is still as great as ever, but all the safety nets seem to be drifting away.  The two week mark can be a really hard hill to climb, I know.  But still, it's only two weeks!  What a very short time in the grand scheme of things.  Just the blink of an eye.

Try to live your life now the way Maggie would if you had been the one to go first.  Our animals live in the moment, accepting things as they are and not looking too far behind or ahead of them.  They are all about what is.  It takes time for us to get to that point, and to find the gratitude for what we had, rather than the anguish over what we have lost, but eventually we make it to that point.  Everyone here will walk that journey with you.  It just takes time and a lot of understanding.

Please come back and tell us more about Maggie May and all the things that made her such a special part of your lives.  It helps so much to tell their stories and share them with others who really do get it.  Go ahead and talk to her as if she were right there by your side.  She always will be, but in a different from now.  She will never be more than a whisper away from you.

You, your husband, and your Angel Maggie May are in my thoughts and prayers.


My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Susie_Squillions
I just received this quote in an e-mail.  I hope it will help you now:

May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being.
~ Apache Blessing



My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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harvey
I understand your pain. I lost Sam Saturday. The pain is almost unbearable. Seek God. He will give you strength.
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Momma_Of_CiCi
I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious Maggie. I know the pain you are feeling as I went through some of the same things. I lost my CiCi July 15th unexpectly. I was devastated and have been lost without her ever since. She was all I had and my apartment and my heart feels so so empty. I felt as though I lost the only person who loved me because their love is so unconditional. She was alone when she passed and it has bothered me deeply. Please know Maggie loved you very much and knew how much you loved her. As much as it is hard to accept they are both free of pain and in a better place with God who is watching over them for us. I would do anything if I could to have her back with me and I know you would do the same but we will be with them again one day. This website was a blessing to me and has helped me tremendously to deal with the loss and grieving of my baby girl. Please continue to share memories of your precious Maggie with us. I will keep you in my prayers and ask God to ease the pain your feeling and bring you comfort. God Bless you

Hugs and Kisses Maggie <3 <3
Hugs and Kisses CiCi <3 <3 
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CoopersMommy
I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Maggie. 3 months ago I lost my baby, Cooper, at five years old due to a vet mistake. I think the unexpectedness of it makes it so much harder. It has gotten a little easier as time has passed but I still miss him every day. Cooper was very special to me so I understand your pain. Some days I feel like I am going to go crazy. I still have a hard time accepting he's not coming back. It is just so unbelievable that this could've happened. They are the center of our lives and it's hard to know how to move forward without them. But they loved us and would want us to be happy so we have to do our best. 
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judylinn
Im sooo sorry about Maggie, I know exactly the pain you are talking about. how can we go on without our beloved pet. today it feels like I cant, but things go up and down. The people here have helped me immensley, and everytime I feel like I cant do it, I come here. everyone here knows the depth of the love that we had for our loved pet.
So when you feel overwhelmed, come here, we will be with you.
There is also the live chat here, where you can talk to people in real time. I just found it last night, and it really helped. Hugs to you and bless you.  Judy
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MaggieMay
Thanks so much to everyone for replying. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss also. Its strangely comforting to know I'm not the only one going through this and its nice to be able to talk about it with people who understand how I am feeling.

Maggie is gone 2 weeks since yesterday and the pain only seems to be getting worse. I cant describe how i'm feeling, its just unbearable. I wake up every morning to realise the horrible reality and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I spend my days picturing her beautiful face and wishing she was still with me. I dread going to bed at night because I know i wont be able to get to sleep. I hate being at home and want to get out of the house, but as soon as I do go out all I want to do is go home again. I'm so lonely without her. She was my best friend. I used to love coming home from work. She was always waiting for me with such love and happiness, her whole body would shake with excitement when she'd see me pulling into the yard. No matter what she was always happy to see me and I was always happy to see her.

I feel like I'm never again going to be happy, not without her.
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Mia870

I am so sorry you lost your precious Maggie. I too thought my heart would stop with the pain of losing Mia. I have never in my life experienced so much pain and grief, it is really awful but I can say three months down the track that I do have some good days now. I still cry everyday but I can now smile when I think of the good times I shared with Mia. I will miss her until my last breath on earth but I know she would want me to be happy and smile when I think of her. Be kind on yourself and grieve for your loss. Each tear brings you closer to accepting losing Maggie and she would want you to remember all the good times. You have found such a special place here, we all understand what you are going through, so much more than our real life friends. I am thinking of you xx           

Mia Jessie aged: 11 years. Always our puppy girl xxxxxx
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tikibarb
The first weeks are unbearable.  I am at 5 weeks now and actually have moments to remember Ted that I can smile.  I still cry almost every day but I seem to be trading tears for happy memories more and more each day.  It is so hard to figure out what to do.  Go out and get away from it or stay hoe and be faced with it.  There is no easy answer.  The grief follows you wherever you go.  I think it is just best to  let yourself be and take as much time as you possibly can to let yourself feel.  Grief just sucks, no doubt about it.  Thanks goodness we have each other!  I found solace in delving into a couple of projects that kind of included Ted.  I made some blankets to donate to our local Vet who uses them in their crates.  I planted some rose bushes and put a lawn chair there so I had a quiet place to go when I needed to be alone or to cry.  I also have a Vermont Teddy Bear I had made in Ted's colors.  I put his collar on it and sometimes I hug it at night.  It eases the empty bed feeling.  My husband probably thinks I am nuts but he doesn't say anything.  I hope you can find a way to channel your grief to alleviate that heavy, lost, alone feeling. Know that you are not alone.  There are many of us here that truly understand.    
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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always_tuffy
My heart breaks for you.  I feel it just as surely as I feel the pain because My Little Man Tuffy is gone.  It will be 3 weeks Monday.  I have no idea how I've survived this long.  You have certainly come to the right place for support.  It helps to reach out to the friends here.  It helps to reply and be replied to.

There is a ton of wisdom in the posts you have received.  Read and reread.  Words here will sooth you, if not today, maybe tomorrow.  Little by little your world will begin return to order. 

I'm thankful to have this forum.  Unfortunately we are members of a club, not by choice, but by unforseen circumstanes.  We each have paid a mighty big price to join.

You are still in shock so be gentle with yourself, take it slow.

My Tuffy was adorable as they all are.  He was only 5 yrs old.  He death was totally, completely unexpected.  The shock I felt when my husband gave me the news rocked my world.  I could barely breath, I couldn't think, suddenly nothing made sense.  Like I didn't even recognize where I was, really (i had left Tuf at the vet, he passed away before the 20 minutes it took me to travel home)  My mind kept telling me, I just left him, sick but alive.  This is not possible.  I was in shock for at least 2 weeks.  The reality still seems impossible, the reality that I'll spend the rest of my life without him and he without me.  Our love was obvious and real.  That will have to carry me thru.   Well you get the idea.  Sorry to ramble on so.

I'll add you and MaggieMay to my prayers this evening.  I'm hopeful that you can find comfort soon.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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judylinn

yes Maggiemay..I feel the same way, its very hard to accept the loss of our beloved babies. my heart is with you, and I will pray for you tonight. sending you hugs.  Judy

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