AZTiger98
The days continue, and Stormy continues to hang on - how, I don't know, but she is one tough cookie.

Wife asked me last night how I would feel about considering taking Stormy on that last trip to the vet.  I broke down sobbing.  Not quiet sobs, either, but loud, full body shaking sobs.  I guess I'm still looking for more bad days than good ones, though some would probably say it would be better to go ahead and send her on to the Bridge now.  I just, at this point, can't bring myself to say 'yes'.  I know some people will say I'm selfish, and some might think I'm stupid / ridiculous, but there are just so many things Stormy's been by my side as I went through, and I can't bear to feel like I'm giving up on her.  My wife even said that she'll help me pick out a brand-new kitten afterward, and while I know that might help heal some of the hurt (because I just can't watch kittens do their silly kitten things and me still feel depressed...they make me laugh too much), I still am agonizing over the decision.

The other pets must have sensed Daddy was upset, because one by one, as they were out, they came over to where I was and climbed up on my lap, or next to me as I lay on the couch crying, nuzzled me, and let me pet them.  Even the puppies were relatively subdued last night when they were set free to roam the TV room - usually, they're borderline out of control hyper.  That brings some comfort, knowing that I think they sense the mental and emotional anguish I'm dealing with.

I'm better today, but just sad thinking that the end is approaching.  Trying to make sure I don't forget anything I want to do, like make sure I have some good photos of her to remember what she looked like, make sure that when the time comes, I insist on getting pawprints and fur clippings, etc.

Love is so hard...but it's been so worth it...I wouldn't trade the last 11 years with Stormy for anything in the world...

David
David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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CK1991
Hi David, I'm so sorry for your pain. I can tell how much you love Stormy. I think the real test of our love comes when we have to put their needs above our own. I read something on this forum: " better a week early then a day too late" and I felt proud that I allowed my little ones to go before their suffering became too great. I tell you this because we will all go inevitably David, even our beloved pets. If you think your Stormy is suffering it will behoove you to take her to the vet and help her to find peace. It's the last loving act you can do for her. Right now it has to be about what's best for her. That's what we do as pet parents. There will be time for grieving after you take care of Stormys needs. It was sweet of your wife to offer to help you pick out another kitten but you will need to give yourself time to grieve for Stormy.
Hugs to you! I know it's very hard.
CK
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Snowfire
My beloved Stormy I lost at 16 some few years ago. Part of his name is snowfire as he was an American Eskimo. His wife Lady Sheena was lost at 10 which broke my heart as not that long after moms sudden death. They both had snowfire as part of their name. Was also given to Puppers another eskie with same too. All gone now. Why I chose the name here.
I only have my younger dog now who misses them all too and part of her name is also snowfire.
Good thoughts sent your way and hoping for the best. Get another pet if ready. Someday I plan on a buddy for my dog as she waits for me while I work. My beloved cat Timber she misses and me I'm just trying to get through it best I can. Not easy at all.
I am the other pets went through what you described. They all knew.
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AZTiger98
Thank you both for your responses.  I'm definitely trying to make sure I take care of Stormy's needs, I just have seen so many times when I thought a pet was put down before it really was time (even though I know vets technically aren't supposed to do that) that I'm skittish about potentially making the decision too hastily. 

And I agree on the new pet, I need to make sure I'm ready before I get another one, once Stormy finally DOES go to the Bridge. 

It's just so agonizing thinking about it.  The happy memories are the things that are supposed to lift me up and make me smile, and instead, they're causing pain right now (I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else - it makes sense to me in some weird way).

David

David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee
It's a tough, excruciatingly painful time, David. I'm so sorry for all your heartache and for what looms ahead. Try and take care of you in the midst of it all. My thoughts are with you. And everyone here knows how hard a path you are on. 
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98
Thanks, Catie.  I'm trying to take care of myself, too.  It's been rough.

I'm glad I have people here who understand what I'm going through, because sometimes I don't think anyone else I'm around really does.  Most people tend to react with attitudes or words that fall into the, "How can you get that attached to a pet?" category.  My wife commented the other day that she's gotten so 'de-sensitized' to euthanizations due to her job as a veterinarian, she more looks at the whole thing as "At least I relieved an animal's pain or kept it from getting worse", but that she rarely feels much emotion about them anymore.  She's kinda had a warm-cold relationship to Stormy, due to some of the things Stormy's had to deal with irritating her.  Which unfortunately makes it hard for me to trust her input (even with her being a veterinarian), because I feel like there's always going to be those 'personal preferences' and 'feelings' underlying any of the veterinary advice in this case.  My kids definitely don't understand it. 

Stormy came to me right after my wife and I had met online.  Stormy's the one who taught me how to trust again, how to be loved again, etc, as I was going through a pretty rough stretch after a nasty breakup and was still hesitant about opening up my heart again.  Through everything from that, rough stretches during the early years of my wife's and my marriage, issues I was dealing with at my job, etc., she's never wavered in her love and acceptance of me.  And that kept me going when before, I probably would've thought I didn't have much of a reason to keep going.  Just knowing at the end of the day that I'd be able to open the door to the apartment, call out, "Where's Daddy's little girl?" and hear her chirping purr in response as she came trotting happily around the corner from the bedroom with her tail high in the air (this was a 100% guarantee) pushed me on when there were honestly times I didn't have anyone or anything else pushing me and motivating me.  I'd adopted her knowing she wasn't exactly what I was looking for (she was at least 4 years old, I'd wanted a kitten; she had some issues with illnesses, etc), but just being drawn to her cute actions and sweet spirit (when it shone through her shyness)...and she was able to give her love to me, without expecting me to really be any certain way or, really, to do any certain thing...in short, loving and accepting me for me.

I'm having moments now when things cross my mind and I think about what's coming that it starts feeling hard to breathe and I get panicky.  I've read numerous other posts on here about people being in a state of "what do I do now? My fur baby soulmate is gone, and I feel lost."  I think my mind is heading in that direction, even if I try not to let it right now.  And I know I have other fur babies who now need and will still need my love even after all this passes...hopefully my grief will pull me closer to them instead of pushing them away.

David
David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Mistysmama
I'm so sorry David. This is the hardest time, and my heart goes out to you. You don't want to make that decision too soon. I completely get that.

Your wife sounds like a very kind and caring sensible woman. You are lucky to have a lady like that.

But you want to do things at Stormy's pace.

When Stormy leaves, please do know that is an exit from the body and not a complete annihilation of Soul. Soul goes on. But a sick weary body that doesn't work any more is a great relief to get out of.

Anyway, there is a checklist you can have a think about.
Can Stormy eat and keep food down (even small amounts at a time -that's okay. And that's fine if she can't eat "cat kibble" and prefers something more soft and tasty with flavour.)
Can she drink water?
Can she do "business"? That doesn't have to necessarily mean she always does it in the right place, or can dig the litter or earth -maybe she can't, or maybe she even has to wear a diaper. But is it happening naturally, even if you and your wife have to clean up after her?
Can she sleep pretty well?
Can she show affection and show she is still getting some enjoyment out of family life? (Even if she spends a lot of time on her bed or can't move about much)
Do you think she is in pain?....if so, do painkilling medications make her perk up? Or not
Does she seem deeply depressed like she is too weary of life?

The answers will tell you if it is her time to cross over yet or not.
Hospice care at home is a fine line. I did that with my dog when she was diagnosed terminally-ill. She had some time quite happy and content towards the end.

But if there are a lot of "no's" to the questions except the very last one, then it sounds like it is her time to leave.
That is the hardest thing to have to cope with. I know. The only possible comfort is that her Soul cannot and will not die, and that she will always love you both, and may even be able to show you, from Spirit.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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AZTiger98
Thank you all.

Just as an FYI, I started a new thread...Stormy went to the Bridge this afternoon.

Her memorial is up, too.

I’m heartbroken.

David
David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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