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LXB77

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi. I’m so empty and heartbroken right now. Huck was a very good boy. I got him at 10.5 weeks old. He died this morning at 15.5 years old. A year ago his heart started to fail and he was also diagnosed with Old Dog Syndrome. The past year we had with him was definitely a bonus year but it was filled with a lot of worry. I started having to hand feed him a few months ago and then he started to refuse any type of food. Yesterday he refused to eat anything and this morning he could not or would not drink any water. I held him close last night, checking his breath every hour or so. We took him to the vet this morning and while we were discussing options, he started to drool blood and I knew we had made the right decision to let him peacefully pass. I’m gutted. He was with me from 27 to 42. I was single most of those years so it was me and him a lot. I’ve suffered with depression and using alcohol as a coping mechanism and I feel a little guilt about not being fully there for him sometimes but that’s a pretty normal feeing and I was pretty sober the last 2.5 years of his life. It’s pretty empty and quiet around here today plus it’s a cold and gray day. Maybe Mother Nature is morning with me. I’m just so damn sad. It hurts and I feel so empty but I also feel relief. I refuse to feel guilty about feeling relief. He’s not in pain any more. I just wish I could speed up this grief process. Being sober for this is tough. It’s helped reading your stories and I’d appreciate any kind words. I still smell him on me.

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DogMom86

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Reply with quote  #2 
What a beautiful dog you have! I am so sorry you lost your sweet, beautiful baby. It's not easy saying goodbye to a creature that loves so purely and unconditionally and without reservation. The guilt is normal with putting them to sleep because the "what if" game plays in our head. You did the kind thing, although I know it doesn't feel like it. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well and have an ESA. Do you have a dog that could become your ESA? Again, so sorry for your loss :(
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Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, and Kawaii.

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LXB77

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you for your kind words. I do not have an ESA. Huck was my only animal. I am on medication and that helps my depression. I’m just crying it out. Thank you again!
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DogMom86

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Reply with quote  #4 
Of course, write as much as you need anytime you need. I was just curious if you had an ESA. I have a lot of what you describe (I also have meds) and I love having an ESA. Again, so sorry you had to lose such a wonderful friend.
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Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, and Kawaii.

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BoxerMomForever

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Reply with quote  #5 
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing that lovely photo of him. Hugs to you.
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Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19 Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Rocsnme22

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Reply with quote  #6 
My heart breaks for you! I am so sorry for you loss. The emptiness and loneliness in unbearable at times but it will get better. When you are sad or lonely imagine your baby lying right there beside you. He is always in your heart and you are in his heart. Please stay strong and know you gave him 15 1/2 great years and he was lucky to have someone love him like you did. Take care of you right now. Cry when you need to cry, smile when you think of the cute things he did and know he is always watching over you.
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Laura
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Amandacox78

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Reply with quote  #7 
I am told they visit us in our dreams. It’s rainy and cold here too. The weather matches my mood. Gloomy. They take out hearts in their paws when they go.
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