morgan14
I miss Krypto. I miss him so much it hurts every part of my body. The pain just never goes away. My 5 year old little black fluffy poodle or 6 pounds of fury, as I always called him. On July 16th he was killed by 2 pit bull mixes on what was supposed to be a fun trip to the park with the 3 girls I was nannying over summer. He was killed on my fiance's birthday. I watched the entire thing happen. I saw the 2 dogs running from a football field length away. I remember thinking don't panic they are probably friendly. I remember all of the girls I nannied trying to pet the 2 dogs that attacked Krypto. More so I remember every detail. The back away move the krypto did right before they attacked him. How the one grabbed his neck and the other grabbed his hind legs. How they tossed him in the air like a chew toy. The yelps and cries from him. I tried to kick them off of him. The girls crying and screaming. I screamed for help screamed for the owners to do something. As soon as the dogs let him go I ran to my dog laying there in a pool of blood telling him how he was such a good dog how much i love him begging him not to die, hugging him, kissing his nose. I remember begging passerby's to call my fiancé who was at work. Calling and calling and calling my fiancé and not being able to get a hold of him until I got to the vet. Holding some strangers bandana on my puppy to stop whatever bleeding i could. I remember his guts I had to hold in his guts. The large patch of fur that was ripped from his skin. The glaze that was taking over his eyes. The girls screaming in the background crying. The cop who wouldn't take us to the nearest vet until I begged and pleaded. He finally said he would bring the girls and I to the vet. I rushed into the vets office begin for him. I had to wait a minute for the vet to help me so I put Krypto down on one of the tables holding him begging him to stay alive. Praying to God to keep him alive. I never pray ever but I thought maybe just maybe if I prayed that something some miracle could happen. The vets took him and he was in surgery for a good 2 maybe 3 hours before they came out to tell my fiancé and I the news. Right before they told us he died I turned to my fiancé and said "The vet says he is critical but stable.. lots of people are critical and stable and make it out alive. He will make it out alive right?" not even a minute after I said that The vet came out to tell me how sorry he was how they tried everything they could. And I ran I ran out of the building I threw my soda bottle on the sidewalk. I cried I fell down and curled up in a ball on the sidewalk. When I finally went back in because my fiancé and mother were in there. My father was with me. We went back in there and I held Krypto. I couldn't even stand to see him. I didn't want to believe it was true. I still don't. I still want to wake up and by some miracle have him curling up with me. The memories of his death are so vivid and raw that I have a hard time even remembering what a really cool dog he was. I try hard to remember the good times but every time I think about something funny he used to do I just remember how he died and I cry and get quiet. I get bitter to my fiancé. I feel like I couldn't protect my little dude. I remember thinking this isn't real. This was always my biggest fear when I brought him to the park and my fiancé always thought I was irrational about it. I haven't even looked at pictures of him in the past month because it hurts to much. I wish it wouldn't hurt so much. I wish I could remember the good times. This one horrible moment has ruined all my other memories of him and I don't know what to do. This one horrible moment took my sidekick took my happiness. Ever since that day I don't know how to feel. Sure I can be momentarily happy but its not genuine happiness anymore. I don't even know what it feels like. I feel like a cold rotten awful person. I feel like the worst pet owner because I couldn't protect Krypto. I put him in harms way. It could have been one of the kids I nannied and yes that would have been equally, no, more awful if something had happened to them. If those dogs attacked one of those girls I don't know how I would feel right now. I wish the dogs attacked me bit my arm or anything. I would have had more of a chance of surviving. I think I even knew that taking him to the vet wouldn't do anything. I saw the wounds I saw his guts I saw the blood. Deep down I knew he wasn't going to make it but dammit I had to try because what if by some miracle he could have survived. When will I ever feel normal? Or is this my new normal? 
Morgan
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Mistysmama
No, this is not normal, and you are not expected to feel normal. This was traumatic and horrific. It's okay, your little fella is gone to spirit now, but still lives there and still loves you VERY much.

Your pain and confusion and flashbacks are to be expected, and I just wish I could give you a hug because I would if I was there......

There is no cure for the grieving -only get through with all the love you have for him. That's the only answer I know. There is no cure for the tears. Let them flow.

In time you WILL remember the good times....you will remember the love which is bigger than anything else, and bigger than any of the pains and horrors of this world.

I am very very sorry about what happened. Bless you. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes a vicious animal will treat another animal as 'prey' and there was nothing you could have done more than you did at the time. Shame on those people who raised their dogs so badly.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Lukesmommy
Bless your heart! How traumatizing. I had to have my little fur ball baby to sleep Saturday and it was horrible to see him drift away. He screamed with pain around 4am Saturday morning. It was a primiveal pain that I can't get out of my mind. I try to keep busy. Night time and trying to go to sleep are the worse. I understand your flashbacks and how painful that must be. Those memories will fade and you will eventually be able to reflect on good memories. I am so sorry this happened to you and your baby.
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graciesmommy
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with such a horrific experience. Something so traumatic is very difficult to cope with, and it seems to play over and over in your mind. It feels as if there is no way to stop this from happening, but with time your pain should ease. I hope that you are able to find peace eventually, even though it is such a difficult thing to have to deal with.
Gracies Mom
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Leahbeahis
Morgan I'm so sorry to hear about the awful death of your baby, Krypto. Lucy died in an accident too but the way Krypto died is on another level. Even if you would have tried to get in the middle of the fight, you wouldn't have been able to save Krypto. I'm sure those pitbull mixes had a strong grip on him and might've attacked you for trying to intervene. You and the girls are lucky you didn't get attacked as well. What happened to those vicious dogs? Was the owner around? If so, what was his/her reaction to the whole thing? I can't imagine the panic and pain of the trauma you and Krypto went through that day. Hearing this story makes me very sad and angry. Mistysmama is right, eventually you will remember the good memories you have, but you are still in the very early stages of grief. It takes a lot of time. Please be confident that you didn't do anything to subject Krypto to danger. Sometimes I feel this way about the way Lucy died too, but we have to remember that we cannot control everything. We have to drive in vehicles, go to work, run errands, go to events, visit family, live life! We can't just lock ourselves inside our homes and never go out in fear of what could happen. Accidents happen. What happened to Krypto was an accident, and it wasn't your fault. My heart goes out to you and Krypto for having to endure such trauma. If the Rainbow Bridge exists, that's where he is now, and he is not in pain anymore. Peace to you.

~ Leah
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patent123
What happened is in no way your fault.  Its sad that not every pet owner is a loving or a responsible one.  Its a horrible thing that situations like this happen.  Its also incredibly infuriating you had to beg to get a ride to the vet! That should have been offered to you instantly...I really feel for you and this horrible thing you and Krypto had to go through.  When I let my girl go I to felt that feeling of not being able to protect her or fix her.  My girl may have passed in a much different way then yours but I can understand a little how you feel.  I definitely understand the feeling of having your shadow, side kick, and overall best friend gone.  What helped me is doing something in memory of my girl.  I got my dog from a shelter... so in memory of her we took some bones to the shelter and gave them to some dogs that got our attention. Maybe you can find a way to honor his memory...find something that best fits that ball of fury! My girls been gone 3 months now...its still incredibly heart breaking but I do have better days now mixed in with the bad.  I hope soon you can smile back on the fun times you two shared.  
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