I haven't been here in a while. Some of you may remember me, some are new and are grieving your loss. I just wanted to give an update and to share what has happened with me since having to euthanize my Kookie almost 7 months ago.
I felt it's important to come back and share. 1, because you were all so very supportive and 2, because of what I went though and am going through may help someone else with their loss.
I had my Kayla (aka: Kookie) euthanized last Aug 21st. She was 15 1/2 years old. She was my heart and soul, my fur daughter and I thought I couldn't make it without her.
I came here and received so much support, and it was VERY helpful, believe me!
Fast forward...time went by and I was so depressed. I was drinking too much and not getting anything done. I have a partner in another state (they were also grieving but not as much) It was decided I would postpone the plans for the property I was at (we do construction and that's why 2 differing states), and go to the state my partner is in.
I got to my partners house/state and all was well, except our hearts were still very broken. Even though my partner has a pup (Schnauzer, whom I love) I love her, but a huge chunk was still missing for a fur child (Schnauzer is more my partners)
Fast forward again (lol...sorry) I realized I DO need that gap filled, and not with a "replacement", but a fur baby, a 'lil somthin who needs me as much as I'd end up needing them. I pestered my partner over and over about getting a new pup. The answer was always "No, now is not the time".
Really? When IS the right time?
Their answer was, "When we find another one as good as Kookie" (They wanted a look alike too). "Impossible"! I'd say. "And I don't want one to compare to her"!
I just need that responsibility, that love, that needed feeling and a new fur baby"!
I looked and looked online for 2 months (what seemed forever)
Mean while, I would cry at night missing my Kookie (thinking I maybe wasn't doing the right thing) Breeders, rescues, all of them had nothing. Then one day I saw an ad, when I clicked on the picture I saw this pup and it was his eyes, I knew I had to have him. I sent it message FB to my partner at work. They answered, "WOW, is it still available?"
In short we ended up going and getting our new pup. A male (Kookie was female) Yes, both blue merles, black and white like Kookie, but he's nothing like her.
The thing is, we both still miss Kookie very much, but what our new pup Giacomo Joe (pronounced - Jockamo Joe, and we call him Joey) has done for us, is renewed our empty heart space. Filled it with crazy puppy antics, lost nights sleep, restored our mothering instincts, and just been trying as hell, but...loving, warm, family as a whole again.
For me, I have been wondering if Kookie isn't somewhere laughing because I have a 'lil hellion of a pup (she was a perfect angel growing up) But what's freaky is that, he knows all her favorite spots (she hasn't been on "this" property for years) He starts to run when he nears the spot where we threw her frisbee, and so forth.
Sorry this was so long, but my point is, IF you are wondering IF you should get another pup and folks tell you it's too soon, ask them "what is too soon?" It's all up to the heart, your feelings, where you're at, what's going on and etc....Too soon? There are still 60 minutes in an hour, still 24 hours in a day, so what is too soon? Trust your heart!
I want to assure all of you who have just lost your babies, it will get easier, it will always hurt, but you will be able to smile eventually (maybe with tears) And you may or may not want another pup, but they sure do add to life!
So, ok...here is our Kookie (RIP baby) By the way, I was blessed with this "beauty".
The pup is our Joey, blessed again!
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A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth.
My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014