Kookies1Mom

I haven't been here in a while. Some of you may remember me, some are new and are grieving your loss. I just wanted to give an update and to share what has happened with me since having to euthanize my Kookie almost 7 months ago.

I felt it's important to come back and share. 1, because you were all so very supportive and 2, because of what I went though and am going through may help someone else with their loss.

I had my Kayla (aka: Kookie) euthanized last Aug 21st. She was 15 1/2 years old. She was my heart and soul, my fur daughter and I thought I couldn't make it without her.
I came here and received so much support, and it was VERY helpful, believe me!

Fast forward...time went by and I was so depressed. I was drinking too much and not getting anything done. I have a partner in another state (they were also grieving but not as much) It was decided I would postpone the plans for the property I was at (we do construction and that's why 2 differing states), and go to the state my partner is in.

I got to my partners house/state and all was well, except our hearts were still very broken. Even though my partner has a pup (Schnauzer, whom I love) I love her, but a huge chunk was still missing for a fur child (Schnauzer is more my partners)

Fast forward again (lol...sorry) I realized I DO need that gap filled, and not with a "replacement", but a fur baby, a 'lil somthin who needs me as much as I'd end up needing them. I pestered my partner over and over about getting a new pup. The answer was always "No, now is not the time".
Really? When IS the right time?
Their answer was, "When we find another one as good as Kookie" (They wanted a look alike too). "Impossible"! I'd say. "And I don't want one to compare to her"!
I just need that responsibility, that love, that needed feeling and a new fur baby"!

I looked and looked online for 2 months (what seemed forever)
Mean while, I would cry at night missing my Kookie (thinking I maybe wasn't doing the right thing) Breeders, rescues, all of them had nothing. Then one day I saw an ad, when I clicked on the picture I saw this pup and it was his eyes, I knew I had to have him. I sent it message FB to my partner at work. They answered, "WOW, is it still available?" 

In short we ended up going and getting our new pup. A male (Kookie was female) Yes, both blue merles, black and white like Kookie, but he's nothing like her.

The thing is, we both still miss Kookie very much, but what our new pup Giacomo Joe (pronounced - Jockamo Joe, and we call him Joey) has done for us, is renewed our empty heart space. Filled it with crazy puppy antics, lost nights sleep, restored our mothering instincts, and just been trying as hell, but...loving, warm, family as a whole again.

For me, I have been wondering if Kookie isn't somewhere laughing because I have a 'lil hellion of a pup (she was a perfect angel growing up) But what's freaky is that, he knows all her favorite spots (she hasn't been on "this" property for years) He starts to run when he nears the spot where we threw her frisbee, and so forth.

Sorry this was so long, but my point is, IF you are wondering IF you should get another pup and folks tell you it's too soon, ask them "what is too soon?" It's all up to the heart, your feelings, where you're at, what's going on and etc....Too soon? There are still 60 minutes in an hour, still 24 hours in a day, so what is too soon? Trust your heart!

I want to assure all of you who have just lost your babies, it will get easier, it will always hurt, but you will be able to smile eventually (maybe with tears) And you may or may not want another pup, but they sure do add to life!

So, ok...here is our Kookie (RIP baby) By the way, I was blessed with this "beauty".
The pup is our Joey, blessed again!

 

A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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ahartofilis
Thank-you for sharing that update. The pup is the cutest thing ever and along with your story it really put a smile on my face today. Your Kookie is also a real beauty!
 I lost my girl Coco 3 months ago today. I took a walk for her today, the same walk we took together for 10 yrs. which has been very difficult for me to do since her passing. But I wanted to honor her memory and got myself out there because I just had to. It was a lonely walk, I miss her so very much. I kept thinking how nice it might be to have another pup to take these walks with and how it may help to get me out of this bleak frame of mind that I have been in for 3 months.
  I really don't know how to feel about it yet. When I got home I was a bit teary but happy that I took that walk for her. I think I need more time, she was my everything. Your story was very uplifting to me. Im happy that you have found joy in your life again with Joey. Perhaps I will find that again with another one day..............Sincerely, Andrea
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Kookies1Mom

Awww, I'm so glad you went on that walk! Joy and pain, is all I can say!

We have a trail where I live in WI, called the "Gandy Dancer Trail", which was Kookie's favorite.

Well, it's there and never going away, may as well walk it (as you did you're walk spot) alone (which is wonderful) and or bring a new knuckle head along with~

For me, when I went to the places and spaces where Kookie and I went, my heart hurt too much...maybe to continue would have been healing? Maybe to bring another pup into it is also healing? We all have our own paths fur and skin :-)

You'll know when it's time. It seems our higher selves always do know when the time is right. That's how you ended up with your pup in the first place. There are no accidents!

A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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tramseyer
"You'll know when it's time. It seems our higher selves always do know when the time is right. That's how you ended up with your pup in the first place. There are no accidents!"

Thanks Kookies1Mom.  I have been struggling with this quite a bit.  

I have so many conflicting feelings.  I miss my girl so much, I still cry often over her, and she's only been gone a little over a month.  

On the other hand, some of my family are 
pressuring me to get another furbaby, yet that's not working out, even an opportunity to volunteer at a new local shelter has fallen through.  

This room can be so cold and lonely and empty, as are my arms, but to actually try and picture another dog or two here, where she ate and slept and snuggled with Mommy - my tears come so easily.  

I keep hearing a little voice that says "wait," and it's so familiar from the last time I went through this, after my Maggie left us after only a year and a half.  I want to, somewhere out there if there's a furbaby that my girl has chosen for me, she/he will be worth waiting for.  But last time, it was a horrible, painful year that I lived through before Cuz found my girl for me, and I don't know if I can do it again.  

I just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other, and to take everything as it comes.  That's all I know how to do. 

By the way, I love that picture of Kookie.  I can just hear her, "Oh Mom, not the camera again!"  Made me smile.  And your idea of her somewhere laughing at you and Joey is priceless - see, she had a puppy she knew needed you all picked out for you.  It was just a matter of time and finagling to get you together.... 

Ahartofilis, I too am glad you took that walk.  It seems to me to be a great way to honor Coco.  Maybe someday you will be able to explain to a new furbaby about Coco, as I'm sure Kookies1Mom will talk to Joey about Kookie. 

It may sound silly, but I wanted Heidi to know about Maggie and Picker and Cookie. My heart is comforted a little because I did so, she knew who to look for, at least.   I imagine that by now they have traded a bunch of stories about living with us :).  Plus there were several kitty furbabies that passed away while Heidi was with us.  Maybe there's a rule that you have to be there when a furbaby from your household comes to the bridge, so they will feel less alone?  I like that idea, though seeing all of our bunch that have passed on, at once, could be quite intimidating! 

Thinking of all of you and hoping that at least your weather is gorgeous this weekend, 
Theresa 




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Bellamum
Dear Kookie's mom,
I am so happy that you have welcomed a new member into your family.  I know the mixed emotions that you go through when thinking of taking this step after losing a precious companion.  Just like you welcomed Joey, we welcomed  2 new members into our family after saying goodbye to our precious Bella.  And like you, I was torn between feelings of wanting to have a dog in our house again and also feelings of betrayal.  I now look on our decision to get Charli and Buddy as paying tribute to Bella.  It was because of the wonderful life we had with her and all that she gave us and taught us that we became a "dog family" and so desperately needed that love again. I also say that we have now been blessed, not once, but three times by the love of our beautiful puppies.

I believe that your beautiful Kookie drew you to Joey, just like Bellsy drew us to Charli and Buddy.  They are looking down on us, smiling, glad that we are sharing all the love that we have to offer.  We never intend to "replace" our gorgeous Kookie and Bella (we know that is not possible), but to bring the love back to our hearts.  Our hearts are big enough to love more than one furbaby.  Each relationship we build will be different and each one will be precious.  You will love and miss Kookie every day of your life, just as I will love and miss Bella, but there will now be some renewed love and laughter.  We are so privileged to have them!

Your two furbabies are gorgeous. You now have a precious angel baby in Heaven and a precious baby on Earth.  How lucky you are.  Enjoy the love once more.  dog 1 (300x150).jpg
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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jonancy
Kookies mom

Thank you for sharing. The pictures are beautiful. I really want to thank you for your last paragraph about it getting easier. It will be five weeks for me, and its still unbearable at times, like today right now. I needed to read this because my arms feel so empty not holding Scooter.

Also,Bellamum...loved your quote.

Jonancy...Scooters mama
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