Elliebellesmom
kiki.jpg 
My beautiful Kiki-Belle.  I came home from getting my car serviced and found her dead on the couch.  Part of me died with her.  That was on June 26.  I have been sleepwalking through life since then.  I am so sad and lonely without her.  She was the best cat.  I didn't have a single complaint about her; she was perfect for me.  Affectionate, loving, my constant companion. Didn't scratch furniture or miss the litter box.  She didn't jump on countertops or chew on wires or whatever.  She was so wonderful to be with and soft and smooth to touch.  She always had a sweet look on her face that matched her demeanor. She talked all the time and chirped whenever I touched her.  She was playing and snuggling the day she died.  Nothing was wrong with her other than age.  My friend said that she was so perfect that she even died perfectly.  I doubt if I can ever find another anywhere near like her.  I am as sad as I was when my dad died.  I hope she is waiting for me when it's my turn.  She saved me when I picked her up from the pound, not the other way around.  I don't understand why she was taken from me when I loved her so much.  I got her from the pound 2.5 years ago after my lovely Max died at 18 years of age.  I still had Otis at 17 years old then and I didn't want him to be all alone.  Kiki was 12 when I found her.  She and Otis were just getting to know each other when Otis died as well a month after Max.  It's been rough.  The heartbreak is devastating.  But the joy they bring makes it worth it.  I will find another beautiful soul to adopt and love, but I'll never forget my sweet Kiki.  I'm angry at the universe for taking her away.  Pray for me that I can let that go and move on.  I do find it hard to move on without her.  She was my heart.



Ellie-belle's Mom
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Elliebellesmom
Thank you PeanutWee.

I couldn't take the sadness, grief, and emptiness.  It was only a week ago today that I lost her.  My heart is broken and I see her still out of the corner of my eye.  I can remember what it felt like to touch her.  I ache to hold her again, but I never will.  So I went out and got myself a new fur baby, Lily.  I need the help of a comfort cat to get me through this.  I'm 59 years old and Lily will probably be the last cat I ever get.  I love her already; she's special and will be a special cat, I can tell already.  But nobody can ever replace my Kiki or any of my other cats who have passed.  They were all special to me.
Ellie-belle's Mom
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William
Kiki was beautiful. I think dieing of old age in your sleep is a gift to you.
You won't have the guilt of euthanasia that people experience.
Sounds like Kiki " did life" in the perfect way.
❤️
Kim
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Elliebellesmom
Thank you William.  My friend said the same thing to me.  Kiki was the perfect cat in my opinion.  There was not a thing I could complain about with her.  She even died perfectly...no illness, no suffering, no euthanasia, etc.  But she's still gone forever.  I have to pick her ashes up today and I am so sad.  I cried my eyes out last night and was sick twice.  I miss her so much.  I'll never forget coming home to find her dead.  I can't describe the deepness of my despair.  My mom says "stop crying, be happy."  That pissed me off.  I have to work through this and it won't be quick.  I have emotions and I loved that cat better than I love some people.  I don't care if that's wrong, that's the truth of how I feel.  My daughter said I should have taken her to the vet more often.  Thanks for the guilt.  I have a friend who knows I've lost 5 cats in the last 7 years.  She said it makes you wonder if I'm a bad mom.  Some friend.  I'm angry at the universe for taking her from me.  I'm angry that people don't understand.  I'm beyond sad that I can't ever touch her again.  Meanwhile, I've adopted Lily and I feel I'm not being fair to her by being so depressed.  Lily makes me happy, but I'm so scared that something bad will happen to her.  I feel like I'm cracking up.  I feel guilty when I'm happy!  Does anyone relate to any of this?  I feel so alone.
Ellie-belle's Mom
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William
Hi
NEVER listen to negativity during a grieving period!! Take all the time you need and stay away from the people that don't understand. There are a lot of people out there that don't " get" it. But, there are plenty of people here that do.
And your daughter ... holy cow. But, that's people and we can't change them.
Do not let people make you feel guilty about what type of kitty mama you were. You know the love you had. Sometimes back and forth to the vet just causes more issues.
We had 4 cats at the same time for many years. My wish was at the end they would just die in their sleep. I also wished that for William.
Do some reading on grief and forward that information to your family. Let them know this process is a long process and support is what you need. If they can't supply that for you then step away for a bit.
Take care of you, not them.
❤️
Kim
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Elliebellesmom
Thank you William (Kim),

I am glad there are people like you out there.  A total stranger has made me feel better. Here's a hug for that!  I will take care of myself, like you advised, and will have to put up some boundaries I guess.  I also had 4 cats for many years, lost all 4 over the past 5 years due to age and age-related illness.  I loved them all.  Each was special.  You are a caring person, and I thank you for helping me today.

Elaine
Ellie-belle's Mom
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Chandlers_Dad
Elliebellesmom,

You have voiced what so many of us feel, particularly me. Kiki was pure -- I believe all animals are. They don't have motives (other than food!) and our pets are as close to our hearts as many people could ever be, and even closer. I love how people say Kiki died perfectly... on her own terms, really, not dictated by anyone. I also can understand the pain of missing her, as no matter how she died, you would feel that way. Missing my Chandler so much I don't know yet how to move on, but I will, somehow. Thoughts and prayers to you... grief is healthy, even though it hurts so much. Experience it for as long as you need to.

Bruce
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Elliebellesmom
Thanks to both BonniesMum and Chandlers Dad.  I am very glad that there are caring, compassionate, empathetic people in the world like the two of you.  Grief is a strange emotion...such of mix of rage, heartbreak, love, and guilt.  When one stops another picks up and it blindsides you.  Bruce, Chandler was lucky to have you for a dad.  It is so hard to move on, but we don't have a choice.  Bruce would want you to be happy.  BonniesMum, I'm so happy to hear you are getting another furbaby!  That will be another lucky doggie.  I agree that we must remember the joy.  My friend said to me that by getting another kitty, that I am setting myself up for more heartache.  (He has never owned a pet!)  I considered that statement from his perspective and I can understand why he would say it.  But the JOY is what makes it worth it...the joy and the bond you achieve with an animal.  When they look into your eyes with love, what can be sweeter?

Love to all here.
Ellie-belle's Mom
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Sunshineambi
Sorry for the loss of your Kiki, such a pretty cat. I think its good that you brought another cat into your home. I was very tempted to do the same thing, but I can't because I'm heavily pregnant. - I have to wait until after the baby is born. It fact it may be quite some time after. I think some of my friends and family think I'm silly getting so upset about a cat when I have a baby on the way, but they're such different things. Having a baby is an amazing thing and will be a wonderful time and a significant distraction. But it doesn't make it okay that my precious little kitty died or take away my grief 🙁
Sending my condolences to you and thoughts of strength.
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