Jrichardson
Hi
I'm devastated as we had to put my darling boy to sleep two days ago. He had two days of fluid therapy to try and bring his kidney levels back to a more normal range. He got ill so quickly and after some of his fluid therapy he went down hill so the kindest thing we could do was let him go. It's the hardest thing ever and I miss him so much. I feel guilty in case he could have got better although I know in my head that's not the case. Has anyone else had a dog with kidney failure can you help me with the thoughts going through my head. Luckily he wasn't I'll for long and in my rational mind (when I have one for five mins) i know this is something to be grateful for. He was such an amazing boy who we had for ten years. The happieist years if my ĺife, he was my world. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
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Bailey15
Hi Julia,
I am so sorry for your loss! Feeling guilt is a part of the grieving process. We question everything we could have or should have done. You were right when you said that “you did the kindest thing.” You didn’t want your beloved boy suffering so instead you helped him to find peace. This will bring you comfort in time; along with the fact that he wasn’t ill for long. He knew how much you loved him and that made him happy.

I had a little Shih Tzu who was my world and it devastated me when we had to let him go so I sympathize so much with what you are going through. I found it helpful to keep a journal. I would write to Bailey and also write things (like his nicknames) that I never wanted to forget. This forum is also amazing. I’m glad you posted here!
It will get easier with time but your little boy will stay close by ~ forever in your heart. ❤️
Sending hugs,
MJ
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Kimo6525
I am so sorry for your loss. My baby Lhasa Apso named Aikea passed last Thursday due to chronic kidney failure when she was undergoing fluid therapy. She was 13 years old. It was just as you described. It came on suddenly. First she started getting picky with her food and then she stopped eating. I was at a loss and didn’t know what to do. I feel lost and extremely sad. I can’t believe my baby is gone after being with me for so long. I feel you pain.
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Jrichardson
Hi MJ thank you so much for your reply. That is a wonderful idea and I have bought a journal. I had so many names I called my baby. I like the idea of writing to him which I will thank you. What hurts is how well he looked in himself and I keep worrying I did the wrong thing. Even though I know he was very unwell. I want to stay strong and know in my heart that I did right and I will in time in sure. I just miss him so much. Not having him around is killing me. I have amazing memories which I'll cherish but my heart is so broken. Scamp is my boys name and he gave me the best years of my life. Xx
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Jrichardson
Kimo6525 wrote:
I am so sorry for your loss. My baby Lhasa Apso named Aikea passed last Thursday due to chronic kidney failure when she was undergoing fluid therapy. She was 13 years old. It was just as you described. It came on suddenly. First she started getting picky with her food and then she stopped eating. I was at a loss and didn’t know what to do. I feel lost and extremely sad. I can’t believe my baby is gone after being with me for so long. I feel you pain.
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Jrichardson
In reply to Kimo6525. Thank you so much for your reply. Isn't it awful. I'm so sorry for your loss too. Did Aikea seem ok in herself too? Julia
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Jrichardson
MJ I'm also sorry for when you lost Bailey. Dogs are just incredible . Xx
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Nix777
Hi there
I’m so sorry for the loss of precious scamp and also bailey.
I have happened on this page as my precious boy Squirt passed away last night at 15 from kidney failure too, and everything you have been through with scamp and thinking about is so similar.
Squirt was a pug x. 2 weeks ago we went on holiday and he went to a kennel, where he was fine and seemed t have a great time.
When we picked him up he seemed ok, a bit flat, but put that down to him having run around for a week.
For the first two days home he seemed ok. Then started to spew and went off his food. I got the vet after a day or so of spewing, and a weird smell emanating from him which I had googled and suspected kidney.
Despite his age, our wonderful vet said he wanted to also rule out kidney infection rather than just kidney failure, as he did seem to go downhill so quickly and has never had any health issues in all his 15 years.
The bloods indicated the kidneys were full of toxins But also an infection so he had two days of fluids plus antibiotics. He came home on Friday, and he seemed maybe he would be ok....wobbling about and unsteady on his legs due to being full of fluids, but eating and drinking pretty well again and no spews.
So we started to get hope. Then Sunday night he had a terrible night. Stopped eating and started wretching and deteriorating rapidly, he couldn’t get comfrtable and couldn’t sleep. Yesterday morning back to vet for what I knew would be the devastating news. Sure he could pump him with fluids again but we would be right back in this position again in 3 days. His kidneys were gone,
So the vet gave me a final day with him which was heartbreaking and then took him back that night with my husband and he died in my arms while the vet gave him the injection. This was only last night.
I have questioned everything but really saw how bad he got. He could joe hardly stand and he was starting to grumble in pain and he never ever grumbled. So he was ok in himself until Sunday night, so please take comfort you avoided going through that stage with scamp. It was heartbreaking and what’s eating me up even more today is seeing him like that and keeping reliving his heart stopping and it’s so hard and not sure how I’m gonna get through this.
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Nix777
Kim I am writing through tears and also so sorry about your beautiful Aikea. The heartbreak is just too much.
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Nix777
And I just beat myself up, should I have ordered bloods to check kidney function at his yearly check and even last year? Should I have even gone on holidays even though he seemed well. God it’s hard
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jerigraehl
The should have could have syndrom and the accompanying guilt is the hardest part. I lost my Tonkinese cat two months ago and am still really grieving over it. I won't go into details but I second guess how I handled it all. I would do things very differently if I could go back. The only thing I can say is that your precious pet had a fairly long life as did Khaomanee - he just turned 15. I blame myself for him getting so sick - I did not give him the medications as directed due to his having a bad reaction twice. I just changed his diet and he seemed so much better - until he wasn't. This seems to be pretty common. By the time we realize things are bad they are really bad. I chose euthanasia and I can hardly even bear to type it I regret it so badly. It hurts so much I just cry at random times. I feel so responsible and I loved him so much. Yet I failed him. I am not saying you could have done anything differently but I do know that no matter what there is always some guilt. I wish I had given Khaomanee another day or two. Part of the problem was they wanted to hospitalize him and I lost my dog like that - dying alone in the place he hated so much he had to be dragged in. I had brought him home the night before with iv fluids which is all they were going to do for him and at least I could be sure he got them as needed instead of being neglected in a cage at the hospital. In the morning he was worse so I made a much to quick choice. I should have asked for pain meds and taken him home to try the fluid therapy and then gotten an appointment with the internal medicine specialist. I just could not bear to see him in pain. I told myself he lived a long life. Then I read about many cats who live to be 18 plus years. I will never be able to reconsile this but everyone says time will help. I know that is true from past losses. But right now it is breaking my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. I truly empahize with you and the pain you are in. Jeri
jerigraehl
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Nix777
Jeri oh I’m so sorry to read this heartbreaking story and all the circumstances you are reliving. Is so hard.
As an impartial third party all I can say is that if he got worse, then you made the only choice. Not the right choice, but the only choice. Sadly I just think once they’re kidneys are shot at that age, that’s it. I think the vet just treated squirt in case of infection a lot so we wouldn’t be wondering what if, but I think even if it was an infection, his body would not have recovered. I’m still not sure if it was gradual chronic kidney failure which just spiralled over the last week or so, or was an infection that his kidneys couldn’t recover from. I guess it doesn’t really matter as his body wasn’t up for it. Like cats, you also hear of dogs that live to an older age but I think that’s without this kind of health issue. I just don’t think they can recover.
What eats me up is that if it was a chronic gradual thing then maybe I could have got bloods done two years ago and changed his diet etc so it was managed. But then again maybe he still would have got this infection. It’s hard to know, and I know his body could not take any more.
I just feel such an empty loss and can’t stop reliving the last moments when I was holding Him and feeling his heart stop. I don’t know if I can ever recover from that but have to stop constantly thinking about it somehow. I just loved him so so much.
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Jrichardson
I know exactly how you feel. I'm constantly thinking what if I'd done his bloods sooner. With Scamp though he was still so good in himself until the last two days so inside deep down I think we did the best as we got all that good to me with him knowing he was happy and playful. I have no horrible memories of him being very poorly and in time I'm sure that will comfort me. I'll always miss him he was my world. I just hope this pain get a better day by day. I feel for you all. Thank you so much for your comments. This forum has been a godsend. Let's just try and remember we lived our babies and did everything we possibly could to give them the best life. They deserved the best. I know my baby is with me. Just miss cuddling him. Love to you all who are grieving too. Julia xx
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