KaiBear
My Kai passed away in my arms on the way to the vet on Friday before last. She was 12.5 yrs old and I had NO idea this visit to see Dr. would be our last. When I left for work that morning I gave her, Bowie and Thor(cat) a greenie treat. When I returned from work 3 hours later, I noticed 3 piles of throw up with greenie in it. NBD, in this house someone seems to always throw up every week, right after we've cleaned the floors.🙂
I thought it was my younger pom, Bowie or Thor. Then I noticed Kai throw up (mostly water at about 4pm) She was still drinking water at 4:30 pm and a little at 7pm. Put a little peanut butter on her lips and she at it but would eat nothing else. Took her to vet first thing in the morning at 8am. She died 1/2 block from vet as I had her, in her bed...sitting on the passenger seat next to me, rubbing her head the whole way there (STILL not knowing the severity of her condition) I just wanted to hold her.... picked her up and held her close..... I could see the Vets office, but stuck in traffic.....about 1minute later, I felt her bladder release on me and I started wailing. I rushed into office and the poor young front desk girls are like, ok I see here you have an appointment here at 8:40... I'm hysterically crying and yelled it's an emergency, we need the Dr. Now..... she was gone....

This guilt and shame is eating me up at moments....is there something I missed? Something else I should have done? It seems I have gone through this with ever loss in my life. All have been unexpected. This crazy making, monkey mind is wasted energy. So for today and everyday since, I pray for the willingness to just accept what has happened and not NEED to know why. To be fully present as I'm able. I have moved, once again.... toward more acceptance of everyday situations in life as well. I thought I had been doing this, but sometimes I can even trick myself.

I thank GOD that IAM THAT PERSON. The obsessive video and photo taking person, who has chronologically and unknowingly memorialized Kai almost daily since I brought her home (some I dont think I even watched after taking!!) This brings me comfort and visual reminders of how much I did do for my Kai Bear and a reminder of how much she knew that. Sweet little Kai Bear was an angel sent from above that really taught me unconditionally love. 😁🙏🌈❤🐾🐻
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kristenharlow
so sorry for your loss. mine was a week ago friday, too, and completely unexpected. feels like i'm dying inside. i feel for you.
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CatVigil
What a sweet baby! Sometimes things happen and we never get the closure we need to help ourselves heal. I too just lost my 18 yr old beagle this past Wednesday. We had to put him down. Ive been crying since just thinking of him and things we could have done diffferently. I have found in my mourning, that I MUST remember the good things and stop focusing on the things hat make me cry. Remembering the things I did to show my love days leading up to his departure. Knowing that he led a good life and he knew he was loved.

Losing a pet is never easy no matter how their life is lost. There is no time line as to how long we should grieve. Please know its ok to cry long and loud for as long as you need. I am sure your baby will come back to you one day in another form.

Please take it easy. My thoughts are with you!!
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Tapati
I am so sorry for your loss. She was such a darling! Please try to focus on the good times that you spent together with her in the last 12.5 years. I know it's very difficult not to hold yourself guilty...but honestly it was certainly not your fault. It is destiny that is bound to happen to all of us one day. It cannot be changed.
Losing a baby is too painful... but we heal ourselves with time..... tears dry up... but the void in our hearts always remain...

Love
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KaiBear
❤😊thank you so much for your words. Blessings to you and yours!😉🙏🙂
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KaiBear
So sorry for your loss as well. Breathe, focus on the good memories too.... and I'll do the same.🙏❤🐕🐾🐻
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jespix
Feeling your pain so much. Just lost our little pom too. I didn't see the urgency, at that age they get sick so often and I thought I was managing it but I didn't see the real issue. The vet was closed when my husband did take him in but he never made it the mile back home. It's unbearable. Our little pom babies that we carry around everywhere. Eternal puppies. It's been almost a week for me and still in so much pain and regret. 

Your Kai was a precious little things. I know our baby pups remember our love. Hopefully we can both find some peace. 
J
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