deedee76
So its just over two weeks since my best friend Koby died I've been having good (ish) and not so good days. on Saturday I decided to give my bedroom a good clear out i thought it might take my mind off things its the room i shared with koby so it started off good until I went to clean under the bed where I found one of his chew toys and a ball i had bought him for his birthday the previous month. And then it hits you like a ton of bricks he's gone my beautiful loyal best friend is gone and just like that I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach again and so I abandon the cleaning and the spend the rest of the weekend just dreaming of what ifs... what if I questioned the vet, what if I didnt let him outside what if he never got sick what if what if what if...... I'm so tired of feeling like this i miss him more than i can put into words i see him everywhere in the house its exhausting

Dee

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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Dee Dee,

I am so sorry to learn of your recent loss of your beloved "Koby". I too lost my boy recently. He was a cat. An orange & white Tabby named "Marmalade." It will have been 12 weeks the day after tomorrow.

He too was my best friend. He was my son, my brother, my comrade in arms, my only remaining family, my light and my love.

Yes, the grief many of us are experiencing comes in waves. They sweep over us. Sometimes they are like tidal waves, and sometimes like small swells. All we can do is endure them. Allow them to wash over and around us. Try and maintain our balance. Allow nature to take it's course while we continue to heal.

You wrote:

 "Just like that I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach again and so I abandon the cleaning and the spend the rest of the weekend just dreaming of what ifs... what if I questioned the vet, what if I didn't let him outside what if he never got sick what if what if what if......"

The seemingly endless "2nd guessing" you are experiencing is a natural part of the "grief process." It is going to continue to cycle again and again and again, by all accounts, from those who have come before us. What is odd and needs to be remembered at all times is, it appears that no matter what choice we make, we 2nd guess it. Whether we put our pets to sleep, or whether we pursue major medical treatments (including surgeries, or chemo or endless medications) for them, or whether a pet is allowed to die naturally, or whether our pets pass away from an unfortunate accident. We 2nd guess ourselves. So in the end, it seems all choices result in 2nd guessing. And then quite often guilt and regret.

There is a great deal of wisdom and experience here expressed by individuals who have been here far, far longer than I an are much more knowledgeable than myself. I hope you find this forum as comforting and reassuring as I have.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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EricaRose
deedee76 wrote:
what ifs... what if I questioned the vet


It’s been 2 days for me and I keep going over the what if’s. One thing the vet asked me(not his regular vet) was are you sure. I keep playing this question in my head like what would he have suggested. Did I do the right thing? What if I waited?

I totally understand where you’re coming from.
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deedee76
thank you both for your kind words and I am very sorry for your losses too

Dee

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