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dflagel

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Reply with quote  #1 
My name is Dave...my little buddy for the last 15 years was put to sleep yesterday after a 3 week battle with end stage kidney failure.  He had a great vet and we tried everything short of a kidney transplant to save him.  He didn't "bounce back" after his last round of fluids, he had stopped eating, and after seeing him so miserable we decided to let him go yesterday.  I thought I would feel some relief knowing that he isn't suffering any more, but it hurts more than I ever imagined.  For some reason, it feels like he is still suffering.

Last night was the first night without him and while there were some sleepless nights during the last couple weeks caring for him, last night my mind was playing tricks on me...I thought I felt him jump into the bed and meow.

The waves of sadness are very frequent and overwhelming at times. I realize Ted was considered fairly old for a cat, but it is the fact that he has been a part of my life for most of my adulthood that makes it so hard to let go.  Ted was there for every major milestone in my life since I graduated college. 

I work from home a lot and the house is so empty without him...he used to sleep on my lap while I worked and when he got tired of me moving around too much he would sleep in the chair next to my desk.  I need to go to the office for a while, but I need to stop crying first.

Thanks for listening,
Dave

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mtnbums2000

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Dave,

   Welcome. I am sorry for your lost and understand your hurt. I lost my lil guy Toccoa Wednesday night..accident.....he was my life for only 8 short months. Remember the wonderful 15 years you had with Ted. The days will get better...the crying will eventually stop.
Everyday is a struggle for me..and I can remember Toccoa sitting in my lap while working at home, the normal everyday things that we did together that now I no longer do is what aches my heart.
Placing a memorial on this site has helped me a little.

You and Ted are on my mind and in my prayers.

Tracy
Toccoa's mommy forever

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Tracy
Toccoa's mommy forever

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dflagel

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you Tracy.  Once we get Ted's ashes back, we are planning on creating a section where he and his sister Molly (died 4 years) will be placed.

I am sorry to hear about Toccoa.  Her pictures are adorable.  You two will be in my thoughts too.

Dave
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mtnbums2000

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Reply with quote  #4 
Creating a special place for both your children will help you grieve.
We also cremated Toccoa but I had it done the next day..couldn't wait the 3 week period my vet told me it would take (we live in a very remote area). Now Toccoa is at home with us.....he comes upstairs every morning and down to my bedroom every night, just like he did before. Helps alot.

Tracy
PS...Toccoa is my precious baby boy...please don't apologize...Toccoa is a girls name (Cherokee Indian) which we didn't know....we named him after the city he was born in, in Georgia. :)

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Tracy
Toccoa's mommy forever

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dflagel

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Reply with quote  #5 

The early morning hours are the worst for me...once I wake up it is difficult to get back to sleep.   The yearning to have Ted back is stronger than ever and I am a wreck.  I feel like I need to go away for a few days, but will that just prolong my agony?

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Bob

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Reply with quote  #6 
Your Ted and my elderly feline gentleman buddy, Mr. Ike, suffered from the same illness, CRF. I know exactly how you feel. Mr. Ike died August 14, 2009 after battling CRF for six months. Since then I have not been able to accept that he is gone. The waves of grief still come at the most unexpected times. I never knew what it was to weep. I do now. You and Ted were pals and always will be. No matter what he is a part of you. Nothign can ever change that - nothing. I used to think crying didn't do anything but make your nose hurt. I was wrong. I think it is God's way of healing a deep hurt.
You are not alone in your pain.
God bless you and Ted.
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #7 
Dear Dave,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  Bless you for putting Ted's needs ahead of you won by assisting him on his journey to eternal comfort and health. I know it was the last decision in the world you wanted to have to make.

Ted is a gorgeous angel kitty!  I can just imagine him meeting my Bridge Kitties, Bingo and Buddy, and finding a couple of new friends for life.  Well, maybe not so much  with Bing, who was not much of a fan of other cats, but definitely with Buddy, who was the social director of our home while he was here with us. Bingo prefers a bit more distance in his friendships. ;-)

I hope you will come back and share more of Ted's story with us as you're able to.   We all understand how hard it is to muddle through in these early days and weeks after losing your best friend, and it really does help to tell his story to other people who get it.

You, your family, and your Angel Ted are all in my thoughts and prayers.





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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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dflagel

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Reply with quote  #8 
Bob and Susie,

Thank you so much for your kind words, they really do help.  As you can imagine, I have been doing a lot of reflection on our time with Ted. 

He truly was great cat who loved everyone and enjoyed life.  Although, the last few weeks were not good times for him, and us, and he was not happy to see the vet, there was a time when he was a kitten that the doctors had a hard time listening to his breathing and heart beat because he wouldn't stop purring...even with a rectal thermometer inserted.  :-)

Ted enjoyed the first ten years of his life in the company of his sister Molly.  They enjoyed each others company and played together often.  One time, I was sealing cracks in our driveway with caulk and my wife let him out so he could come visit me (she didn't know I had the caulk out) and Ted came up to me and stepped right into the wet caulk.  We had to grab him quickly and clean his paw with mineral spirits and water over the sink.  Needless to say, Ted was not happy about the situation and let us know it.  Molly hearing Ted's distress call came to his rescue by  trying to attack my leg :-)  Both of them eventually forgave us.  Both Ted and Molly were indoor cats, but we would let them out on the deck to watch birds and layout outdoors as well as in the backyard to eat grass.  Ted was a little cross eyed (we always joked that he probably saw two of everything), but one day he managed to somehow grab a bird and bring it into the house to show us.  I don't think he intended to do anything with the bird except to show us and make us proud...the next thing you know we had a live bird flying around the house (we got the bird out safely) :-)

Ted lost his sister 4 years ago after Molly died of CRF but we continued to give him love and TLC and he returned it ten fold.  When my wife was sick, he would lay on her chest.  He would sometimes wake me in the middle of the night by standing on my chest and licking  my face while purring.  He also loved milk and was not lactose intolerant...when he was a kitten, I was eating cereal on the couch before going to work and he head butted my cereal bowl causing me to spill milk on my work clothes.  I couldn't get mad at him though...he was just a head butter.

My best friend was with us for 15 years.  I feel he lived a good and happy life and I know that he (and Molly) really filled our lives with love and joy.  He had some bad days near the end and we tried everything reasonably possible to keep us with us longer, but Ted had already done the best he could...his right kidney must have "died" awhile back because it was very small and in the wrong place on the xray and his left kidney was compensating until it too had enough.

Although I miss my friend immensely and long to have him back at home, I am grateful to have found him at the shelter and I can honestly say that we did right by him and I hope he felt the same.

Right now, I am often weepy, am having a hard time sleeping the entire night and would rather be away from home where I am constantly reminded of him, but I can see that point off in the distance where I will be able to look at pictures of our life together and smile and not cry.

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement.  I can envision all of our beloved companions (Bingo, Buddy, Mr. Ike, Toccoa)  hanging out and sharing stories of us.

Thanks again,
Dave
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #9 
Dear Dave,

Thank you so much for telling us more of Ted's life story.  I so enjoyed reading it.  He sounds like the perfect cat for you, and one who will do everything in his power to return to you if at all possible.  If that isn't possible, he will select his successor, guide him in the ways of your world, and send him to you when the time is right. 

Head-bonking, healing, dairy treats...this is all so familiar to me.  Those were some of my Angel Buddy's skills and specialites too.  Buddy had a startling talent that we called "Butter Speak."  We would scrape ice cold butter from the stick onto our thumbnails, and let him lick it off.  As he licked, he vocalized (have you ever heard a Bengal Cat?  They put the Siamese voice to shame!).  The resulting sound was "Butter Speak."  If I said a short phrase to him as he was speaking, he would mimic the syllables and inflection, making it sound like he was saying the same thing. Everyone loved Butter Speak!

As far as the crossed eye is concerned, I have known a very special cross-eyed boy myself.  His name was Roger, and he was a darling Siamese (one of two brothers I adopted when I was in college).  He was a blue point with a crossed eye, a kink in his tail, and a speech impediment that caused him to start every Miao with "Gahhh," like a stutter, so it came out "Gahhhh-aaaooow!"

Our kitties certainly do wrap their paws around our hearts and make their spaces within, don't they?  Ted and Molly are watching over you from the Rainbow Bridge, just as Bingo and Buddy watch over me.  I hope you will be posting soon about beautiful dream visits from your angels.  I know they are planning to come to see you soon.

Thank you again for introducing me properly to your best friend.  You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers.



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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glenys007

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Reply with quote  #10 
Dear Dave,
 
This Friday will be two weeks since I lost my Freddie Man...Beli eve me I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way only days after he passed.  It does get better!  I'm not going to lie it still hurts tremedously the pain does ease up... It took me until this week to write anything about him...You can look at his resident and see..  As I'm writingf this to you I can see my Freddie's ashes sitting near me. The crematory did a very nice 8 by 10 cardboard cut out with his paw print, a piece of his fur, and a copy of the Rainbow Bridge Prayer.......I didn't think I could bring myself to pick up his ashes a couple of days ago but now that I did I feel so much better.  Well starting to tear up now gotta go...
 
Glenys

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dflagel

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Reply with quote  #11 
Glenys,

Thank you for your kind words.  You are right, it does get better.  I picked up Ted's ashes on Monday.  He is sitting next to his sister Molly right now, who died from CRF 4 years ago.  In the Spring we are going to create a memorial for them to be together in a nice spot in grove of trees we have on our property. 

Since this is Thanksgiving, I would just like to say that I am grateful for having Ted and Molly be a part of my life over the years and for the group of people on this forum that have helped me grieve after I lost them.

Take care,
Dave
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dustyangel

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Reply with quote  #12 

In my heart of hearts, I do believe our furangels reunite with one another.  

We offer our sympathy to you and your family. 
 
I can picture that Molly just "sensed" Ted's arrival.  Can you imagine their reunion?

  Headbump and nose kisses, gentle wags of their inquisitive tails,

and a sense that they were "home" with one another again. 

 

Oh, I can well imagine that Molly, since her arrival at the Rainbow a few years ago,

has found the very best sunshine spots to lay in,

the coziest places to see the Rainbow from,

and will guide Ted each day to settle into his new heavenly home. 
 
Molly will teach Ted

how to use his new feather-soft angel wings to soar the clouds,

to flutter near you and your family when you need to feel their presense the most,

and she will teach him all there is to know about being a 

 guardian angel to your family. 
 
God bless you & your family in your loss. 
 
Karen (Dusty...DJ...and Patches mom)
 
 


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http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DUSTY101/Resident.htm

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."
~Author Unknown~
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Princess

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Reply with quote  #13 
Dave I am very sorry for the loss of your Ted I loved the pictures he was a special boy indeed.  I know your grief seems like it is massive right now but this is the one thing that time does help us with, time helps us to dwell on the lives we spent with our fur children and the happy times.  Although there will always be "those times" our hearts will allow us to also smile at the good times we had with them.  I do believe our babies send us signs to let us know that they are with us always in our hearts and maybe your sign was the feeling you had that Ted was there.  Know you don't walk this road alone we are here for you.
Debbie Princess, Kaizer & Maddie's mom

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tikidikidoo

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Reply with quote  #14 

Dave I was very touched by your story and am very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat. We lost our Havana a week ago today to a tragic and sudden illness. She only about one year old. Perhaps I will share more in the future but my emotions are too raw right now. I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with it. Be grateful for all the years you had him and all the memories you have. The memories cause pain now but in time that will change. When you are ready I hope you decide to rescue another precious life. Again I am so sorry for your pain. The most difficult times in life are when we lose such a dear friend. It hits like a frieght train. Don't let anyone make you feel  rushed. It is important that you grieve for as long as you need to. Then the healing can begin. RIP Ted and Molly. 

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jasminesmom

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Reply with quote  #15 
Dave,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. When we lose such a close family member time seems to stand still. We really are not prepared. We have difficulty going thru our daily routine for our beloved furbaby is no longer there sharing every moment with us. We feel lost.

As I write to you, tears are once again flowing mourning the loss of my Jasmine 09-04-09. It really does hurt so much.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go thru this loss.

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine




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Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm

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