calismommy
We knew it was going to be soon, but we were syringe feeding her food to keep her going until this thing passed. The vet basically told us this was cancer, without the expensive ultrasound. She hadn't eaten at all in two weeks, and what we could force her to eat she just threw up. I couldn't bare the thought of losing her, so I tried to work normally and avoid being home too much. Now I regret it so much, I think of all the purrs I could've got out of her if I would have accepted that she wouldn't be here that much longer. I came here because my friend told me about the rainbow bridge poem, and it is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I have never really lost anyone close to me, and now I question where her soul is, if she died in pain, and if she is happy where she is. We had an appointment to euthanize her this Monday, but last night she started sputtering and had labored breathing. We live across the street basically from the emergency vet, so we drove her over in her bed, and she stopped breathing right before we parked. I feel like such an awful person, letting her die like that. We had an appointment last week to euthanize her, but she ate a little that day, as if to tell me "wait, don't give up on me yet." She was on pain meds, and even on the day she passed, I pet her and she made little noises showing that she was just happy I was there. She was my best friend, and I wish she was still here.
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Jackybear
Dear calismommy,

I am so sorry for your loss. We do the best we can when caring for our sick furbabies. It sounds like you did everything you could for Cali. I wish there were a way to know the right thing to do for our babies but we are only human. I lost my sweet kitty Jack on the way to the emergency vet clinic on Sept 9 and have been consumed with guilt ever since. I try to take comfort in the fact that he spent 16 wonderful years with me but grief is a long process and I'm not quite there yet. You never gave up on Cali as I did not give up on Jack. Try not to think about the last moments but all the happy moments that the two of you shared together (I'll try to take my own advice here as all I want is my sweet babybear back too). You are in my thoughts.
Jackysmommy
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ImissSherby
I am so sorry for your pain. I also relive my last moments with Sherby even those were the saddest moments I had with him. It is just so traumatic to see them die after we spent their whole life trying to keep them healthy and happy. I have been trying to start consciously catch myself when I am thinking about his death to remember a happy memory. It has taken me about six weeks to be in a place where I can even think of doing that, but I truly think Sherby would lovingly want me to focus on the good. I think eventually you will be able to also, it just takes some time to get there.


If love alone could have kept your here, you would have been here forever.
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Billysmummy
Dear Calismummy
I am so sorry for your loss. It is going to be a hard process as your loss was a great one. It is hard not to focus on the last few weeks and moments of their passing. But you never gave up on Calis and like you, in Billy's last few weeks was syringe feeding him in the hope he would get better. Everytime I thought this is it, he would eat something and I would hope the next day I would see him eating and drinking himself.
We are only human and can only do so much. Your post brought back memories as billy passed away at home before we were going to bring him to the vets Monday. I too wonder if I left it too late. But I know I would never have knowingly let him suffer, and I know you wouldn't the same.
Try to focus on the good times and know that you gave her a good life. It won't be easy, but I'm time the pain will be more manageable.
Take care
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calismommy
Thank you for your kind words. They are holding her body for a couple more days now. I'm not sure what to do. We live in an apartment, so we can't bury her outside, and I don't want to keep her remains in a box, I feel like she wouldn't like that. The get said they combine the remains of all the animals and spread them over an orchard, I feel like cali would've liked that, but I feel that its like putting a nail in a coffin. I will never see her happy face again.
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