elliemeewiz
Today we let my Wizberry go to the rainbow bridge. I'm so devastated and kind of in shock all at the same time. It feels so lonely without him talking to me and just here with me... I nursed him with crf/anemia, lymphoma/IBD for almost two years... He was there for me in every way... not sure how to carry on without him.. I have been through this many times with my furbabies and it is always devastating.. he helped me through two passings already, and so much more. How do we get through this? We have another kitty but she isn't as close to me.. she is devastated too I think... How do we get through the silence, the loss and second guessing everything we did? I regret all the time I spent out shopping and doing other things now instead of with him. I'm just not sure what to do with myself anymore... he didn't want to leave me, he was purring in my arms right before they injected him. 
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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elliemeewiz
ME AND WIZBERRY ON THE COUCH PINK JACKET INSTA SM.jpg  I can hardly believe he is gone.. this was about 4 weeks ago
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Bailey15
Hi elliemeewiz,
First I want to say that it was such a selfless act to let your baby go - to be free from pain even although you knew it would be devastating for you.
My friend's dog passed away and up to that point her (rescue) cat was never very friendly but she was so upset when her dog died and her cat really comforted her. She actually said she couldn't believe it was the same cat! So hopefully you and your other kitty will be able to comfort each other.
I had all those same thoughts that I shouldn't have gone to things or gone out (after Bailey died) I looked at the times when I could have stayed with him instead but the truth is we can't stop living our lives when we have a beloved pet (family member) All we can do is enjoy the times we do spend with them and give them all the love we can - and I know you did both. It is normal to have these feelings of guilt over everything and anything when we lose out precious friends. In the end you gave Wizberry your heart and I'm sure he knew it - and you gave him the ultimate gift by letting him go rather than live in pain. I'm sure he is smiling down on you now with gratitude and love.
Hugs,
MJ
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lizzie_252
Elliemeewiz, I had to put my cat Zizi to sleep yesterday, she had kidney failure and was deteriorating rapidly, no eating or drinking, wobbly walking or falling...I am totally devastated and in shock, one week ago she seemed fine and then she crashed. I miss her so much already, keep seeing her around the house in her usual places. 
I hope the grief eases with time and we can just remember the beautiful angels they were and remember all the good times. I wish too that I had taken time off and spent more time with her when she was sick. She is gone now and I would give anything to have had more time with her. She was 14 when she passed.
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elliemeewiz
Thanks  so much MJ, You're right, I knew he was starting to suffer and I couldn't bare to watch him suffer at all, but even last night he still found some joy and hugged me in bed and then slept on the pillow- he was hiding under the bed and I had to get him out to give him his fluid and ended up putting pillows there so he couldn't hide. And today at the dvm he let me rub his tummy and purred in his carrier while we waited. He was an angel on earth.

I just feel this time I really want to go be with him, he was the one that kept me here. He knew for sure he had my heart, from the day he met me after I trapped him by accident, he attached himself to me and said you're mine and I'm yours. I know I just can't help thinking I spent way to much time shopping for stupid things I didn't even need when I should've been spending more time with him. Like last night going out to get kitten milk for him too.. I knew he prolly wasn't going to bounce back but you just keep hoping it might happen. I know for sure though he knew how much I love him which is more than anything. I have a chronic disease and he is my strength living with it, literally got me through it talking to me all day and night, lol. I have our other kitty Sybil on the window shelf but she would rather be with her person who is my father... he is letting her stay here to comfort me. Maybe she will spend more time with me too until we adopt again. Eventually we will get another kitty or a dog maybe.. I haven't had a dog since I was very young. But it will never be my Wiz... I hope he gives me a sign that his spirit is still here.. I know Angie did that for us a few x. I lit a candle for them tonight and could hardly believe it was wizard now too. The loss of them is sooo painful. He was with us for 18 years. He got me through the grief of my first furbaby loss as a young adult also- he just lay down next to me and hugged me the day after I caught him... it was like we knew we were meant to be together. He was sent to heal me and I was supposed to rescue him. I was going to put him up for adoption with a group I volunteered with then and because he was fiv positive they wouldn't put him in the cages so we kept him. 

I'm so sorry for your loss of Bailey. Hugs xxx
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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elliemeewiz
Thanks Lizzie, I am so sorry for your loss of Zizi, I have nursed two crf kitties, really three now, our oldest boy Byron also had early kidney disease and high bp but his other organs failed before he needed fluids regularly. I know how hard it is and how easily they can crash and go down hill so quickly- Tess only lived for 6 months after her kidney failure and she had already beat death once with heart failure and had a heart condition. I know exactly how you feel... I would give anything to be with my wiz right now and to take back all those useless shopping trips. I hope the grief eases soon for you. It took me a long time to get over Angie(not that I will ever completely get over it, but you know what I mean).. I never adopted again after her passing which was partly due to Convenia and which came on very suddenly- I had a huge amount of guilt over that. Wiz got me through that. I just feel like a useless person with no purpose without my boy. When they have been with you so long it makes it even harder I think, Hugsxxx
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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jimmy17
Elliemeewiz, I am so sorry for your loss of Wizberry. The pain we feel when losing them is absolute agony, we lost our 17 year old dog Jim almost 19 weeks ago, and I still have really bad days. We`d lost dogs before, and were devastated , but Jim was that one special animal that you only get once in a lifetime, just like Wiz sounds like he was to you. Someone told me that letting them go and freeing them of pain and old age is the last gift of love we can give our precious babies, it took me a while to realise how true this is.  Like Wiz, Jim was starting to suffer, although he tried so hard to stay with us, but we really had no choice other than to be put to sleep. We both stayed with him, and it really was quick and peaceful.
 We always look back and wish we`d done things differently - after we lost Jim, I also used to think I shouldn`t have gone out, but truth is we all have lives to live - just know that Wiz knew how very much loved he was, you can see how content he looks in his lovely photo.  Our animals mean so much to us, and it will take a long time, but slowly you will start to heal, and Wiz will always be in your heart. 
 Keep coming here, this forum helped me so much and you are never alone, someone will always be here to listen to you
                                                       Hugs, Jackie











J Taylor
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Baileysbro
My Bailey left me on Tuesday the 19th so I'm going through day 3 of his passing and its hard.   His at the end was a hospice situation, his body started going down hill fast. Loss of leg use although he didn't lose his appetite which was fortunate.  The last day we were together Tuesday afternoon after he at breakfast and licked the tidbits off my plate at lunch, I cleaned him up because he was lying in pee and placed him on a clean sheet, there he just laid on his side eyes open, and staring, he responded to touch, when I pet him, he felt it, when i held his paw he felt it.  Its really hard and your WizBerry sounds just like my cat who passed in 2004, Spookie, when he started going down hill at 16 it was fast, one day apparently healthy, the next....sad.
Bailey
October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love

[e8de4bc1-77ae-4da2-9834-109b68b6cda8]

[Paws-for-the-News-Grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet] 
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winstonsmom12
Just wanted to add my condelences for your loss Ellie.  You did a super job helping Wizberry.  Hugs   Sue
Susan
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elliemeewiz
Thanks Jackie,

You are right it is an agony... don't know how we get through it, with the help of Wiz I got through two, the pain never goes completely but it becomes less and you always miss them. I'm so sorry about Jim. Hugs

Thanks Bailey's bro, that is so sad, I'm so sorry about your Bailey and Spookie. I'm sorry you're still having very bad days.. I think it can last for a while at least, do you have other furbabies to help you?

Wiz may have been 18 I'm not sure because we don't know for sure how old he was when I accidentally trapped him. I was trying to tnr another male cat and trapped my Wizberry, he was tame and so sweet/loving, we were going to put him up for adoption but he was fiv pos and the group I volunteered with wouldn't put him in the cages so we kept him thank god. Whoever abandoned him lost a lot, the most wonderful loving little boy on earth. You never felt lonely when he was by your side and knowing he was waiting at home for you. He was part siamese and talked to me all day long telling me what to do... it is like a deathening silence without him and I keep talking to him as if he's still here, I will talk to him anyway, but I haven't absorbed that he's gone yet. He was with us for 16.5 years. Longer than any of our furbabies except for Byron who was 17 and who I also took in from outside at 6 months or so.  You know I have had other kitties who were so loving and who I was so close to, I love them all, but Wiz was my support with his sister Angie for many years now, with my failing health, he got me through it all somehow... it' so hard without him, to put it mildly. 

Thanks Sue, I just wish I could have done more, done a biopsy early on before his kidneys started to have trouble. He seemed to respond so well to leukeran at first, he had gained a pound back and he was hardly vomiting and then all of a sudden his lymph nodes swelled. We thought he would survive another few months at least or more, I was hoping for forever of course. I just kept hoping he would somehow make it through. 


Yesterday we had a ceremony at the crematorium for him- they put him out in a viewing room for us. I brought some flowers and wrote a long memorial which I read, then we played some music: you and me by Pink, purple rain by Prince and When we were young by Adele. I was playing amazing grace also but they came to say we had to stop because the cremation takes 3 hours and we wanted to pick up his ashes that day. It was just me and my father there but I wish I could have invited others too... I can hardly believe it is done. For Angie I had no ceremony because I was so traumatized from her death due to convenia and she was shipped to have a necropsy. For Byron we did a beautiful ceremony outdoors where we buried him next to Tess, for Tess we did a briefer ceremony because it was outside in the snow, but we still had poems and music. She was my first love of my life cat, my first baby tortoisehelle- I used to take her practically everywhere with me including the beach and she didn't need a carrier. Now I'm wondering if I should go back to this funeral home for a ceremony for Angie which I never did have the ceremony for- her ashes are in a wooden turning box with photos, but I still have never put her photos there because I can't bear it...  

she was my second tortoishelle and 2nd love of my life- she and wiz slept next to me every night, one on either side. And she also followed me around everywhere talking but not quite as talkative as Wiz. She was also part siamese and she was a kooky tortie- So sweet and loving but feisty too. I will post some pics from wizard's memorial later. All I have now  is my Quiz, as I used to call him,  in a small purple bag in his tin. Poor Sybil is so upset and doesn't  completely understand what happened to him although I think she knew of course he was sick.
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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