Caral
I just put my Australian Shepherd down last night around 6pm. She has been deteriorating for quite some time but usually all she needed was an antibiotic to get her back to normal. Well this past time that didn't work, she could barely get up on her own, always walking like she was drunk. Yesterday she got the runs really bad, and there was blood as well. I had been in denile about putting her down but yesterday I just knew.

It almost doesn't feel real. I know it is still fresh, but I was just hugging her yesterday. My emotions are like a roller coaster. I go from being fine one second to almost hyperventilating the next. It is constant. Maybe four or five times an hour. She was my world. I grew up with her. She helped me through my darkest times. I will never forget her. And can't imagine living without her for the rest of my life. It's not fair that they only live for such a short period. But the love she had......... I love her so much.

When I got home early from work yesterday I took her outside. Sitting on the trees were three morning doves. I haven't seen doves since fall, and to see three I would like to believe it was the father son and Holy Spirit. Doves always come in pairs of two but for some reason there were just three yesterday. I am not one to be religious, but do believe that there are energies that hopefully run deeper than the physical earth, and I think anything in threes can reap resent that. I just hope I'm right and that somewhere she is being taken care of, because I could no longer help her here, and that might be what hurts most of all.
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Evie123
Caral, welcome to a place where people genuinely care and share your pain. It is a horrible responsibility to make that decision about our babies but you, like me, knew it was the only and kindest thing we could do sweetie. If I could have given years of my life in exchange for my Molly's I would have done in a heart beat. This unbearable grief we are feeling is so hard isn't it. I can't ever imagine that light in my soul being alive again, part of me has died too and it hurts so much. X
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NormaT
Dear Caral,

So sorry for your loss. Your emotions are so raw now. I know because I lost my beloved spike 4 days ago. He too was declining and really struggling. It's such a hard decision to make. Thinking about you. The support from others here has been really helpful. You are not alone.
Norma 
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Ana
Dear Caral,

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am over the loss of your baby dog. I put my little Boston Terrier to sleep a week ago so I understand a little of how horribly sad you are feeling. Such a short time has passed that I can see why the whole thing seems unreal. I can also see how much you loved her. You loved her so much that you were willing to do  the kindest thing you could possibly do-letting her fall into a painless sleep-even when you knew how devastating it was going to be for you. Even though I know I did the right thing for my little girl it also feels unreal even though its been a little over a week. What a beautiful thing to have seen the 3 doves! I pray it will give you some peace. I like to imagine my two little babies (I lost my other Boston 6 months ago) reuniting there by the Rainbow Bridge. I am looking forward to the day when I will see them again. You are in my heart and prayers. ~ Ana
Larchana Behrends
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JerseyNonna
caral, I am so sorry to read of the loss of your beloved aussie girl last night.  I too lost a beautiful aussie girl recently.  roxie was my service dog who was fine until the day after Christmas when i sensed something was wrong and took her to the emergency vet where i said see you later sweet girl.  of all the posts i have been ok replying to, your's hit home the hardest to me since you too had a wonderful aussie.  what you offered to your sweet aussie was the greatest gift of love we can give to our loved companions when they are suffering silently and losing their quality of life...and boy do aussies love living life to the fullest!  please know that your girl is still with you and hears every word you say to her while seeing you - roxie says it's easier for them on that side to see and hear us than it is for us most times so please keep talking to your girl.  i know just how you are feeling today and while i can assure you that days will become easier on your heart in time, there are still those days where even something small or insignificant in the scheme of life triggers the deep grief and it comes flooding back to us like a huge tsunami.  but our dear loved companions have their paws still on our hearts from the bridge helping us to realize they are now in a wonderful place where they are young, healthy and whole once more (roxie says she wishes i could see her new spiritual tail and she sounds just so enamored with it - but i still prefer her cute tailess butt, lol) and helping us feel better going forward.  i'm sure if roxie saw your aussie girl crossing the bridge that she was right there wanting to make friends and play.  we're all here for you sweetie and it's a wonderful place to heal.  many many hugs from one aussie girl's momma to another.
JerseyNonna
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Caral
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am so glad I found this safe place where we can all share the grief of losing our best friends. All of the kind words mean the world to me.

JerseyNonna- I can only hope my girl, her name is Lady, can meet your sweet Roxie too. My Aussie has left the biggest whole in my heart in the best way. She fought right up until the end, as Aussies do. I don't think I'll ever stop talking to her, she was my best friend and always will be. She hasn't been able to move well the past couple of months, I hope now she can jump, bark, and chase all the squirrels her little heart desires! I don't think I could ever love another dog as much as I loved her. My Aussie changed my life for the better.
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