Hi Jeff... thanks for letting me know how you've been doing. I haven't been good at checking in here regularly to do the same. I've just been feeling really sad, day after day, with all days feeling the same - until today (see below).
I picked up Buddy's ashes about a month ago; I commented about that as I was literally on the way to pick them up. As soon as the vet hospital staffer handed them to me through the car window, with mask and gloves on, I broke down crying (no, I couldn't walk inside to pick them up like normal, because of coronavirus restrictions). In the passenger seat of my husband's car, I hugged Buddy's box of ashes close to me, and cried & cried. Oddly, Buddy's vet called me about 10 minutes later, before we even got home, to discuss Buddy's necropsy results. She didn't know I had *just* picked up Buddy's ashes, so it was very weird and coincidental. Anyway, I remembered what you (Jeff) said you've been doing with Albert's ashes. So during the day, I've been placing Buddy's box of ashes in the living room, in one of his 3 favorite napping spots... and at night I've been bringing them into our bedroom, and placing them on my dresser (though he never climbed up there - it's just that I can see his ashes box better there). Every day has been like this since March 7. And I've had at least one round of sobbing every single day, for 7 weeks and 1 day. Until today. To my amazement, I was able to get through today - the first day in 7 weeks and 1 day - without sobbing. Yes, my eyes welled up a couple of times today, but I did NOT break down and sob. I told myself to be strong for Buddy's sake, as I've encouraged others to do in other posts here. But today was the first day I've been able to make *myself* be strong. I was able to switch my mind to happy memories, instead of remembering his last moments and letting *any* memory of him - happy or not - bring me to sobbing. I'm saying this to encourage all of you grieving pet parents who are in pain. I know you're thinking every day in the future will be as painful as yesterday and today have been. Please believe me, there will be a day soon when the pain will feel lighter. You won't sob, you won't feel that you're drowning in pain, you will be able to get through a day feeling just a little bit better. I didn't believe that day would come, but today it did. And it will come for you too. Just hang in there. Sending love to you all.
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011 My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992 My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973