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chance

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #1 
hello, I am new here. have read a lot of forums a few months ago, when my 15 yr old ridgeback passed away. Today i just learned my 12 yr old beagle mix has cancer. i was suspecting something else to be wrong. had no idea he had this. I just can’t keep it together. I am still mourning my last dogs death. I battle anxiety and depression so i am a mess. no where to turn. so here i am. I guess i had this misconceived notion he would at least live a few more years. the news caught me totally off guard. I thought putting my last dog down was the hardest thing i have ever done. To do it again so soon, I can’t even imagine it. i am still processing all this. laying in bed. can’t eat. feel nauseous. i am sure most can relate. they are our babies. and the pain that comes knowing the end is near when you look at their sweet face. i’m just rambling. i look forward to meeting some people here.
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #2 
chance,

I am so sorry for your previous loss of your beloved pet, and now,  for this heartbreaking news regarding your other beloved pet.

Words cannot fully describe this awful pain, but we all understand it, we have all suffered the loss of a beloved pet. 

So, I understand your situation, this raw pain send us into an emotional "rollercoaster", and if you are suffering from depression and anxiety, this becomes a lot more complicated.  In this forum, there are so many people full of empathy.  You are not alone.  But, if you feel like "slipping" into the abyss of depression and anxiety, please, if you can, seek professional help. Hugs 



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chance

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you Sil for your kind words. I appreciate your kind response. It is such a hard thing to go through emotionally. You are so correct about mental issues adding to that. I do see a psychiatrist and a counselor. I have for 20 years or so. In actuality though, my dogs always helped me more than the doctors lol. They get you out of bed in the morning. Because of them I make myself get to the park each day so they can have fun. That helped too, just watching them in their element. A rough start today. My boy can’t even bark, without gagging after. Hasn’t wanted to eat yet. Of course after the news yesterday, I was up all night. Just trying to keep him comfortable. We just came in from the yard. he seemed content laying in the shade while it’s still cool. The cancer has made him intolerant to heat now. Well I’m rambling again lol. Thanks again for reaching out. Your kind words mean a lot. Thank You
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #4 
chance,

You are so right, our pets are the best medicine.  In their sweet ways, they "demand" our attention.  A brief story.
Depression "showed" its presence in my life, right after I lost my father.  My hubby needed to travel out of state for work.  So, he adopted a four-week-male-puppy - per owner "they're over seven weeks and eating puppy food".  Well, you can imagine, how much attention this puppy needed - feedings - every three/hours; waiting after food intake and taking puppy outside for poop and pee; cleaning after him, when I was not fast enough for "poop and pee" patrol; wiping him with unscented baby wipes; carrying him while doing errands; "smuggling" him into stores, that did not allowed pets; sleeping with him on the floor - was to afraid that he would roll off the bed.  His name was Leo.  When Leo, was three, Sol "walked' into my life.  I loved Leo, but Sol "stole" my heart.  Sol would stay by my side during my anxiety attacks (anxiety replaced depression).  

Depression and Anxiety, are very tough and when you add the loss of beloved pet plus taking care of a sick beloved pet.  You are included in my prayers. Take care and I'm sending a big hug. 
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chance

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Reply with quote  #5 
hugs right back at you. the dog was truly your therapy dog when you needed one the most. I haven’t smiled or laughed since his diagnosis. but reading how you smuggled him into stores where dogs weren’t allowed did make me laugh. even with meds my mental issues (gen anxiety. depression. ptsd ocd). are unbearable. i just try to get through the day. but taking them on hikes made me happy. i have another dog who is younger. he don’t really like hiking. he’d rather chase a squirrel and stay at the same tree running around it for an hour lol. it’s just that Chance and Gavin were my whole world over a decade. the thought of gavin being put down makes me cry uncontrollably. If you knew me, and the things i’ve been through, and never shed a tear. you would think wow she really can cry lol. all he would eat was a little goose liver today. not the best but it’s something. they said when his mass fills with blood he feels full. then the blood absorbs and he will eat and act fine. worst part is it can fill with blood and rupture causing instant death. my mom doesn’t want him to die at home. I’m not ready to put him down. It doesn’t feel like it’s time. he’s still alert to things. he still wants to be in the same room with us. still barks at dogs (but when he barks he gags). vet couldn’t give me a reason for that. i keep telling myself he had a good life. not all dogs had a chance to run off leash chasing deer and running with their dog friends. plus he had a close bond with chance. the dog i have now, they have no bond. i couldn’t do a park today so i feel guilty. didn’t trust myself to drive with no sleep. my grandma is at the final stage of alzheimer’s. it’s just so much at once. i’m restless today. i go outside and want to come in. i come in and want to go outside. it’s horrible waiting for the inevitable. like i said i just went thru this with Chance. but it was so different. he had more issues. but they came gradually and we adapted to them as they came along. he was an 80 pound dog still walking 2 miles a day up until the last wk of his life. Gavin is just a total shock. this cancer type goes undetected often till later stages cuz they act fine once blood gets absorbed. he can’t roll in the grass. causes gagging. no running vet said. first she said no parks. but then said i could. i think she knows his times short so let him do what he can. but i know not to push it. it’s nice to know someone understands the effects of depression. i’m just worthless today. my priority is to monitor him and hopefully get him to eat later. i had one close friend. but she got mixed up in this messed up dangerous lifestyle. long story. but i had to break away. i couldn’t be worrying about her. but it left me alone. i have one other friend but we don’t see each other often. i’m alone a lot. way too much time to think and worry. i’m glad the dog came into your life when he did. they really are the best medicine. of course now, i’m thinking i am done with dogs and will never adopt again. it’s too painful in the end. but i know that thinking will change when the time is right for me. thanks for responding. and sorry i ramble so much lol
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Sil

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Posts: 588
Reply with quote  #6 

Chance,

I really believe that dogs are "sent to us with a purpose" - sometimes, we do not see/understand it.  I was not blessed with children, but I was blessed with dogs.  So, Leo really "needed" me.  And those feedings, every three hours - 24/7.  Mothers to human babies, have all my respect.  Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself, adhere to your doctor's orders.  Gavin knows how much you love him.  Hugs


 

 


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chance

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #7 
i was not blessed with children either. i have a nephew and nieces. but we live in ohio. they moved to arizona. that story was great. you think your going to get toys and pig ears and leave with a golden lol. the foster mom of the last dog i adopted said, if it’s meant to be it will be. it may take long. but when the time is right it will happen. that was a few months ago. i wanted to adopt again after chance passed. so she’s been keeping her eyes open for a dog she thought would be a good match for ryker. as she lived with ryker for 6 months. i told her to stop looking for now. gavin needs me and it’s no time to introduce a new dog. i will try to start taking better care of myself. i have not ate a bite of food since the night before his vet appt. i was drinking (not water) today. but i’m done now. i feel kinda sick. i have been smoking more too. i don’t have good coping skills when i get this stressed. my friend i had was good at keeping me together. going to try a nap. couldn’t sleep last night. was googling about this cancer. i’m probably the last person on earth that should have access to google lol. your dogs, present and past all sound lucky to have had you. there’s so many out there that treat dogs terrible. i see it all the time. our big hearts cause us pain and suffering, but we get back up and do it again. my neighbor told me years ago that if dogs lived as long as we do, then think of all the dogs that would never get homes and be put down. there’s so many ways to look at it. I wish i was more spiritual and believed, as many do , and i respect that. but i just don’t think the dogs that pass are running free over the bridge. am i wrong for not believing that? I mean i would love to think gavin was going to go be with chance if that was the case. but i don’t believe it. i don’t know. just thinking out loud. Gavin still hasn’t ate anything else. he’s lost 4 pounds since the end of May. yesterday he ate good.
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