boboston
Just lost my angel boy and am beyond devastated.  Thought I'd have a couple more years with him and it was so sudden and I didn't get to give him the goodbye he deserved I am just crushed beyond words.  And the whole world expects me to just be over it already because he was "only a dog" and work work work and I just want to sit and cry.
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MichelleShebbasmom

Let me start by saying how sorry I'm for your loss. I too know, what you are talking about, some people just donot get it. Our pets are a member of our families and a better friend than our human ones are. So if feel like bawling, do it. Its your right. You need to grieve the way, you feel. Donot feel pressure to get over it.  You came to the right place. We will support and encourage each other in our time of grief to help our healing.      

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nicokudo
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious boy.  You may not have been able to say good-bye in the physical sense, but I can tell from your message that you loved him beyond measure and your baby left knowing how much you loved him.  Always believe that.  I know how awful the pressures of work can be.  Those first days after I came back I was crying in my office and didn't care who knew about it.  Luckily most co-workers were also pet owners and understood more or less.  We all know how utterly devastating and lonely these hours and days will be for you.  My thoughts and prayers go with you.

Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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pam
I am so sorry for the grief that you are feeling right now- we all know how terrible it is.

Sometimes our beloved companion goes downhill overnight, and sometimes it takes longer, but the one thing that is constant is that we all would have liked more time (I would have loved a few more days with my dog Mollie but it was not to be).  The feelings of loss and all the 'what if's' are still there.

You must know that your dog knew how much you loved him- know that the love you shared still remains and that you will see each other again. For now, allow yourself to grieve properly- do not let anyone tell you that 'he was just a dog' or 'to get over it'.  Those people are sadly not aware of the loving bond between some of us and our companions.  Mollie was my best friend and soul mate and her loss was (and still is) devastating to me. 

As I could not speak to anyone at work about Mollie and her passing (because I knew that I would break into uncontrollable crying) I e-mailed everyone who mattered, told them what had happened, and hoped that they would excuse/ignore my red eyes for however long it took.  People have respected that, but two months later, I still cry in my office and the staff bathrooms on a regular basis (and frankly, I'm now at the point where I don't care what anyone else thinks!). I loved Mollie more than anything in this world.

That said, you are amoung friends here who know exactly the anguish you are going through right now. Things will slowly get better , hour by hour, but the road has lots of ups and downs. From speaking with others here, I know that we all will eventually get through the terrible grief and memories of that last few hours, and will begin to remember our loved ones with a smile.

Hang in there!

Pam



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katysmum
Your right it is the club that noone wants to be a member of. I understand all that you have said with regards to feeling beyond devestated and people just saying it was just a dog.

You said that you didnt get to say the goodbye you wanted to. I am very sorry for that. I am sure your precious one knew of your devoted and enduring love. Cry all that you want, that's what I say, how can you not. Find people like us that adore our pets to talk to. We understand the loss you are feeling and want to help you. It certainly helped me more than I can say to be in this forum for many of my friends had the same logic as yours - its just a dog.

Take care and look after yourself. Remember your beautiful one. Set up a memorial for them in your house with a picture, candle.... It helped me more than I can say. If you need us we are here.
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Faye
Dear Amy..

I am not here often but I am a long time member of the club that no one wants to join...It will be 5 years next Tuesday since my D-Max made the journey to the meadow and regained his health and youth...

Everyone here understands your pain and is here to support you and help you to take it one day at a time..Our pets are members of our family and the grief we feel is very real...Those who tell you it was only a dog or only a cat have never had the unconditional love of an animal companion...

I found compassionm and understanding here because we all share a common bond and know the intense emotional roller coast ride that we share..There will be lots of downs and ups and each day will get a little easier and the happy memories will bring you smiles when you rememebr your precious angel boy...

When you are up to it share stories with us here..It helps to remember the many good times that you shared...In the  meantime allow yourself to scream and cry..Tears are very cleansing...

May you find peace, comfort and healing in the coming days...
Hugs and Friendship...
Faye_D-Max's Mom
Faye_D-Max and White Boots Mom
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Mac
So sorry for your loss - we lost our sweet Sassy in November very suddenly as well - as some have said to me, it was "good" for her in that she did not suffer endlessly, but because it came on so suddenly, we are still trying to understand what had happened and struggle with our grief on a daily basis.

You are among friends here who know and understand what you are experiencing - give yourself all the time that you need, express your thoughts and your feelings to those physically close to you who understand, feel welcome to share here, and basically disregard all those who try to put a timetable on your grief, or start with the "it's only a ..." approach.  Those people are sadly ignorant of the beautiful, unconditional love that our pets have given us, and they would not even understand if you tried to share it.

Find the way(s) that best work for you in remembering your boy, whether it be flowers, candles, a special photo, a grouping of toys, treats, etc...anything which helps you to remember in a loving, caring way.

You will never forget (be assured of that), but as time passes the happy and special memories will be dominant and the pain will be pushed to the back.

Thoughts and prayers to you and your boy, and all who have lost our beloved companions...know beyond doubt that we will see and be with them again.
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soulsearcher

MichelleShebbasmom is so right. I get that rection as well from people. You should grieve in any manner you wish. There are stages of grievig and if you're not "allowed" to go through that, you won't be able to be at peace w/ your loss Hang in there honey. And if you need to chat , vent, I'm here.

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freakiecat

I too lost "only a dog" (Laney) yesterday morning without the chance to say a proper goodbye.  She belonged to my ex-husband (he and I are still very good friends).  She was a very big part of my life for the years we were married and I was happy to still see her from time-to-time even though he and I no longer lived together.  She quit eating about a week ago and we took her to the vet two nights ago.  My ex called me with the prognosis very early yesterday morning.  It was cancer.  Her lungs were collapsing and it was recommended to have her put to sleep.  Before my ex could even leave the house to pick me up to go to the vet's to say our final goodbyes to Laney, the vet called again.  Laney had just died.  There's no way we could have gotten there in time.  I'm trying hard to take solace in that she was with people who could care for her and make her more comfortable than we could have, that she knew nothing in the end and simply went to sleep one last time.  I don't know the circumstances, but I'm sorry for your unexpected loss, boboston, and hope that every day will become a little easier and a little less sad for you.  freakiecat         

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boboston
Just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to respond.  It's been a couple weeks and it is still so hard.  I am so sad about the the way it happened, and pretty angry at my vet and just struggling with all these feelings which I know are normal, but knowing it is normal doesn't really make it any easier.

I am so upset because when it happened I was just reeling and in shock and I had literally emptied my savings account to give to my vet.  So when I brought his body back to the vet the next morning and the woman at the desk said it was close to an extra 200 dollars for a private cremation and that she never did that for her pets I just said ok.  Actually I was crying so hard I just nodded.  At the time the thought of coming back to the damn vets just to get his ashes didn't seem like something I wanted to do but I was really too in shock and numbed with grief to think clearly.  And now of course I really regret that I didn't and I don't have anything physical left of my Bobo.   

Thanks again for you support, it has meant a lot.

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AmandaW01
I so understand what you're saying and what you've been going through. I lost my precious angel on Friday, he was killed in an accident and so, like you, it was so sudden and so traumatic and I never really had the chance to say goodbye either, although I held him and told him I loved him as he stopped breathing, maybe he heard me, the vet felt he'd have known nothing, but I hope that maybe he was unaware of the pain, but aware of his mummy's arms and voice and maybe that helped, I don't  know, its still all too raw to deal with.

I too was told 'its just a dog, at least it wasn't one of the children' - hmmmm, well that's bl**dy obvious, at least it wasn't one of my kids, but what the heck was Brock? He was like one of my kids, he wasn't 'just a dog', he was my best friend and I'm totally distraught with missing him.

I do understand about your feeling you don't have anything 'physical', we buried Brock in the garden so he is 'with us' in that respect, but I have nothing here, but, sorry if this offends, do you really need that? He's with you all the time, maybe in some way its comforting to have the ashes, but they are just remains of the shell, he isn't there, he's running free, he's restored to full health and is with you in so many ways. I believe love never dies (a cliche I know), but I truly believe that, and he wouldn't want you to be staring at a casket, but thinking of him running and playing and having so much fun.

Sorry I can't be more help, I'm not quite in the right place right now as I'm sure you understand. I'm so angry, so upset, so guiltridden, so screwed up bascially!  But I do feel your pain and hope that once we've worked our way through our grief we'll find peace again in the knowledge our beautiful boys are having a ball and will be with us forever.
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