Margot4Ever
This article helped me take my mind off of the horrific way in which my beautiful 3-year old, Margot, was struck and killed by a car on Friday night. https://www.near-death.com/experiences/with-pets/jan-price.html

It gives me hope and faith that I will see Margot (and my beloved Isis, Angel, and Thug) when I die. However, after reading it and feeling good, the cold, awful reality still hit hard and I sunk back into profound depression. I feel like this is some sort of punishment because no way in hell should this have happened to Margot or me. What could she or I have possible
done for her to be taken so violently when we were living such a loving, peaceful existence?

It seems that no matter what I try to do to ease the pain and communicate with Margot, nothing helps. When I found her lying there, all alone in the street, broken, bloody and mangled - I carried her home and put her on my patio where all of my other dogs could gather around and say their goodbyes. They all licked her wounds and smelled her. There was great grief among us all, but especially with her son, my boy, Ziggy. Perhaps it wasn't the right thing to do, but I was in a state of shock and it seemed to me, the only thing to do.

Ziggy has become closer to me than ever. He never leaves my side and sleeps on my stomach, which Margot loved to do.  My other dog, Buddah, sat all night next to her, protecting and honoring her as if it were a vigil of the highest order - which it was, for us.

Why? Why? Why did this have to happen? No amount of spiritual understanding or awareness will justify this. Where is the logic? What is the lesson? How could something so awful happen to such a young, sweet, innocent 3-year-old? MY BABY? I cannot ever imagine being happy again. The thought of her joyfully romping around one minute and then getting hit so hard by a speeding vehicle the next - will forever haunt me. The guilt I feel for not being in the backyard the whole time with my dogs will eternally eat away at my soul. I know I have to go on, for my other dogs (whom I love dearly and spoil rotten) but, there are moments when I just don't see the point in it. I would love to post pictures of Margot here one day, but right now, I can't bring myself to look at her photos because it will only intensify my despondency. I'm glad to have a forum like this to share my grief with others who know exactly what I'm going through... thank you.
Allison Sledge
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gizmomybaby
Hi Margot's mummy am so sorry for your loss & pain , I also found that story last week . I was looking for answers to see if my boy gizmo will be there when I pass over , I became obsessed to the point it knocked me ill . My boy passed 7 months ago like you I have another dog just one candy , its been a hard struggle its the most horriblest pain ever . I started thinking I was on the earth to be punished to feel this pain and in looking for answers made it worse , its a very hard thing to go through . Am so sorry to here about what haven to Margot that must be so hard for you , and the thoughts that go through our minds makes it worse . Plz know am thinking of you and praying for you & sending hugs at this time x Annemarie candy gizmo
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Margot4Ever
Hi, Gizmo's mummy! Thank you for your kind words and prayers. Trust me when I tell you I'm praying for you as well. You are so right - our thoughts make it worse. Mine are intrusive and continually take me back to the point of impact when the car hit her and I was not there to protect or save her. I have always been over-protective of Margot (and all of my other dogs) throughout their entire lives. All they know is love, safety, security, delicious foods, great runs on the beach, treats, toys, kisses & hugs. There are no words to describe the anguish I feel at the thought of what she must have been feeling when her life ended so suddenly and brutally. This is the worst pain and sorrow I have ever known (and I've known a lot.) The emptiness in my heart and soul is palpable. The tears I cry are non-ending. The despair I feel is deeper than the ocean. The guilt I have is enormous. I will never be the same. I know you feel the exact same way, and it is a temporary relief to be able to write here, to you and others who have experienced this, yet,  I know that once I'm done with this letter, the reality will hit me hard, again, and I will have to endure another dark, heartwrenching night only to face another unbearable day.  God, why did this have to happen?
Allison Sledge
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gizmomybaby
Stay on here as much as you can , never think your a burden let it all out on here that's what I did x your baby's have been so well looked after their so lucky to have you as their mummy, I was lucky enough to be with gizmo but it haunted me to the core , he tried to get of the table to come home with us even written this kills me because I try not to think of that , Its a pain that you can't understand its like your harts getting put through a cutting machine ,. I went to see a spiritualist I had to know if my son was ok which put my mind at ease for a bit then it came back ten fold , I got in a bad way last week and called an animal pycic on the phone £35 and complete rubbish I was desperate. I wish wee could all meet in person to comfort and hug one another . I deeply feel so bad for you , the hurt is bad enough but the thoughts are soul destroying. There was a post here one time when I use to come on and it was a guy and his dog had been mutilated he thinks by another human , he paid for test and everything to try find out what had happend because police said they thought it was another animal it was so horrendous and sad for him . I prayed so much for him x you let it all out on here x every one is here for you honestly and wee all feel your pain in losen Margot sending big massive hugs from one mummy to another mummy , still talk to Margot I talk to my gizmo xxx
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gizmomybaby
When you feel ready post a wee pic of your baby girl & ur other baby's , just when ur ready xxxxx
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Margot4Ever
Yes, I talk to Margot continuously. I tell her everything, including the fact that she has to be actively involved in reincarnating back to me in this lifetime. I will be talking to an animal communicator today. It's a free 15-minute consultation. You should schedule a session yourself. http://janetroper.com/

The story you shared about Gizmo is heartbreaking. I cannot imagine how the both of you must have felt at that moment. I, too, wish we could get together and have a great big hug. And yes, writing about it is very painful in and of itself. The memories begin to stream, along with the tears. 

True animal lovers hearts are at one with their babies. We will do anything to try to make sense of the senseless, to spend any amount of money to either get to the truth about a mystery or to find solace and hope that we can communicate with them and let them know how much we love and miss them. What a tragedy that the poor guy's dog was mutilated and he did not know whether it was done by a human or an animal. So nice that you prayed for him and his dog. We know that in suffering, it brings out compassion so that we are able to help others in their time of need. We truly understand what they are experiencing. 

I look forward to your posts, and I can see that we are going to become friends! That has been the only bright spot in my dreary, dismal day. Thank you...



Allison Sledge
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Margot4Ever
Annemarie,

I've been reading your posts. I've never met anyone from Scotland before. How cool is that!!! Actually, I have often said that I love animals more than people and its true, generally. With the exception of my sister and the few friends that I have, I spend all of my time with my dogs. I work from home and they share my bed with me 24/7. We are very close and bonded. I guess you could say I'm a recluse.I prefer it that way. I enjoy spending all of my time with my dogs. nothing makes me happier. It's so true that they all have such unique, individual natures. No two are the same. I think what you are doing is great. You welcome everybody, support them, share your story about Gizmo, tell the honest truth, pray for them, ask them to keep coming back and letting them know that you will always be there for them, in spite of your own deep grief. That's wonderful, and please know that you always have a friend in me... 
Allison Sledge
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JazzysMom_1
Hi Allison, so so sorry for your loss of Margot.  I lost my 7 year old Jazzy girl 8 1/2 weeks ago when an unexpected delivery truck came and I didn't hear it.  She followed our other dog chasing it and was hit. It was my worst nightmare.  I have never been this sad. My heart goes out to you.  I am still struggling and can't quit reliving that day as it was on our driveway.  She was the special pup of my life and I miss her every second.  To lose a fur baby this way is doubly traumatic.  If you need to talk, I am here.  Even though we have 2 other dogs, the house feels so empty and quiet.  Her energy kept things lively around here.  She was the princess of the family. Things do ease a little bit with time, but then it will hit you out of nowhere.  Be good to yourself and know that the feelings are normal.  The book Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates is a good one too.  I will read the article you posted as well.  People on this forum are wonderful.  Prayers to you.

Suzanne
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Margot4Ever
OMG  Suzanne, I am terribly sad to hear about Jazzy. It is a shame that I can identify with your exact feelings. It is so unfair and unnatural for us to lose our babies this way. Here one second, gone the next  It's surreal and you're right; OUR WORST NIGHTMARE. I am paralyzed with grief and cannot function. I can't stop crying. Nothing in the world matters to me right now. I am suspended in time, reliving the horror that Margot went through - when she should be right here with me in bed. I, too, have other dogs, including Margot's mom (Gia), brother (Zeus) and son (Ziggy). My house feels empty and quiet too.  I cannot think of anything but Margot. I want so badly for her to know that  I am so very sorry that this happened to her and that I love her with every piece of my heart and soul. I want to hear her tell me that she is ok. I would love to read the book "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates". I would enjoy continuing to talk to you here and I will pray for you and Jazzy. Thank you for reaching out to me.
Allison Sledge
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JazzysMom_1
Thank you Allison, I totally understand your terrible pain.  It is indescribable.  I drove around crying for weeks trying to work.  I know how it is paralyzing.  Unfortunately it lasts a long time; sometimes alternating with a terrible numbness.  I don't know which is worse.  Grief is a very strange thing.  It is a process and we just have to let it run its course.  Of course, Margot will always be in your heart and I don't think the pain ever totally goes away.  Ironically, I used to get kind of sad that my Jazz was already at middle age.  I wanted her to be with me forever.  I know the feeling is lonely, like no one understands.  Even our loved ones may not feel it at the depth we do.  That's the wonderful thing about this forum.  We ALL understand.   You are in my thoughts.  Also, on a funny note, my middle name is Alison lol.  
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gizmomybaby
Suzanne iam so sorry to hear about your jazzy I think that would be double traumatic. Your jazzy sounds like my gizmo he was the barker of the house and the boss and my candy is so placid and laid back and I miss that noise and energy too . Alison thanks so much and you meet so many friends here and iam glad to be yours x Scotland has lovely scenery but I don't see so much with having anxiety, Iam like you a bit I just love been round my dogs and animals . I try my best to help but I feel sometimes I get it wrong I just go back to to my journey and I feel peoples pain when they write their story's because I know what that bonds like , to me its like no other . Everyone around me where worried about me losing gizmo because they know the love I had for him was out of this world . I think wee all understand each other as animal lovers but most of all as mummys and daddy's to our fur baby's and the pain and grief wee all share on this very hard journey xx sending love & hugs to all Annemarie candy gizmo xxx
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Margot4Ever
Yes, I agree, Suzanne. I had all kinds of wonderful plans for Margot and I planned to have a long, wonderful life together with her, so on top of the deep pain of how she died, there's also a feeling of deep regret for what could have been. The emptiness and permanence of our loss is so dreadful. Nothing matters. I'm trying to get back to work today, but I can't focus. You and Jazz are in my thoughts and prayers and it's cool that we both share the same name! Another strange thing is that my parents were going to name my middle name Suzanne (seriously) but when they saw that my initials would be ASS, they changed it to Leah! lol
Allison Sledge
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gizmomybaby
Leah I have called you Alison am so so sorry xx
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Margot4Ever
Our nightmare is too horrible to conceive. Seriously, how could this possibly be real? I would do anything to not have to face this pain, but I know it is nothing compared to the pain Margot endured, which is killing me. 
Allison Sledge
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Margot4Ever
It's Allison Leah - you're fine!
Allison Sledge
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