My little girl, Jaime, crossed over Tuesday. We became a family 15 years ago when she was 10 weeks old.  The kitten years were wonderful, we played and she purred, always staying in whatever room I was in. The teen years and adult years were wonderful; we played and she decided sitting in my lap getting her belly rubbed, and purring, was pretty great. The senior years were wonderful; we both played slower, and to her amusement I learned to make up silly songs to sing to her. She would sit in my lap and face me while I sang; when I would stop she would tap my mustache with her paw until I would sing again. There were two scary days when she was 11 and was diagnosed with diabetes; I was afraid I'd fail as a caregiver. She made it easy for me and developed a new meal ritual; on her own. While I would get her food and insulin ready, she would go get me one of her pom-pom balls, and bring it to me with her tail in the air and chortling. I would put the food dish down and she would stand with her back up and wait to eat until I gave the shot. Twice a day for the last 4 years this ritual played out, and this grew our bond even more. I was never in a room long without the soft sound of kitty feet.
Today there was no ball at my feet, or the sound of paw pads when I came home. She was so much a part of my life; and I start crying no matter what I do. Every chore in the house had a little kitty helper; I miss her everywhere! I LOVE YOU JAMIE
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can hear how deep the bond was for you and Jamie, and how much the pain is. Let the tears fall, as they are love for her. I still cry months later, but the agony isn't as raw. I will keep you in my prayers. Judy

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I am so sorry for your loss.  Just reading it brought tears to my eyes.  I lost my best buddy, Spooky 4 weeks and 2 days ago.  He was my constant companion too.  I used to sing to him also, but when he had enough he would jump on my organ and sit.  I would tell him: "There's always a critic."
He would aways answer me back with a long, meow!
This went on for 17 years and in his later years, I had to lift him up on the organ bench.  I truly miss my friend, so I share your heartache.  I still cry most everyday, but I know he is happy and healthy again.  Just as I am sure your Jaime is.  I will keep you in prayers.

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Thank You for your kind words. I always thought I'd grieve privately; yet I feel such a great need to tell the world what a wonderful kitty has left it. I thought I was going crazy until I found this forum with such caring people who have experienced the same feelings.

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Yes, unfortunately, everyone here has experienced the loss and heartache.

When you are able, I hope you will tell us about Jaime.  I am sure you have many stories to tell.  15 years is a long friendship.  Many people here like myself have started a journal so we will never forget our friends. 
It helps being able to talk about it. 


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I saw your post about Spooky; what loving parents! Thank you for your kind thoughts and mine are with your family as well.

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Today is awful without you Jamie! I can't stop crying. Last nite I made a photo album for you and I was doing pretty well. When I got up this morning and saw the time I couldn't figure out why you let me sleep. And then I knew why. I want you on my lap and tell you you're a "good girl", which always made you clench my finger. I know crying upset you, I'm sorry sweetie.

Dad loves you little one!
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Saw the first bluebird ever at the feeder today. Jamie would have loved it!  Jamie would sit on the table in front of the picture window and watch them for hours. She loved Cardinals, and Doves always made her chatter. I always knew when a horse went down the road, or a bear came to the feeder. There would be a gray streak heading for the bedroom; belly rubbing the floor. I'd wait until the horse went by, or I shooed the bear away, and then coax her back out to the living room. She'd stand in the doorway and look at the window and then back at me as if to say, "are you sure it's safe?" I'd have to put both arms on the table before she'd jump up and get between them; dad protecting her in case something was still out there. Doorbells would also make her zoom for the bedroom. It meant the front door would be opened and she was an indoor kitty who didn't like being outside much. It was cute when a doorbell would ring on tv; talk about a confused kitty.

I never planned on her being on outdoor kitty, there are too many coyotes and bobcats around, so her fear of the door was a blessing. I did put her in her carrier and strap that into a stroller sometimes, and we'd talk a walk down the road. Sure...it was foolish; but I got exercise and we got time together. My girlfriend would laugh at us; but Jamie seemed to like it. The door leading to the garage didn't scare her. I'd always close the overhead before opening the door into the kitchen. My girlfriend would tell me that as soon as Jamie heard the outer door open; she'd lift her head from where she was napping and listen for the sound of it closing. When it closed she'd jump up and head to the kitchen to greet me. I'd pick her up and carry her to the bedroom, setting her on the bed while I'd change out of my work uniform. She'd wait until I got chaged and then jump down and rub my legs; this was the signal to pick her back up and go to the kitchen for two small kitty treats. If there was an empty clothes basket in the kitchen, she would jump into it and wait for her treats. This was "kitty prison" and she knew that all prisoners had to be fed according to the Geneva Convention. If I forgot to move the basket to the laundry room before turning on the evening news; she'd jump down from my lap and I'd hear a meow from the kitchen. Sure enough, she'd be sitting in it, waiting for a treat.

I went to work twice last week, hoping that being busy would help some. It kinda did, but as soon as I turned on the street I'd start to come apart. My girlfriend is helping by going with me when I have to go to the dump or the grocery store. I was so clueless to how much this would hurt, but if I could go back 15 years in time, I'd do the same all over again.

Still wish she could have seen the bluebird.

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your posts...
                of your life   with jamie   are...
                                                           a breath   of fresh air
they make   me    smile
i sooo need   to smile
your storys reflect...
                            your love and devotion...
                                                              for/to her
i hope...
            you continue   to post   more...
they will help...
                     you   and   us
there's   something special...
                                         when a man dotes...
                                                                     on the love(s)  of his life
it reminds   me...
                        of my husband
best wishes   roberta aka soppysgrammy

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I find...
           this poem really explains...
                                                what we must do...
                                                                           to survive

                The heart of grief,
its most difficult challenge,
is not "letting go" of those who have died
but instead making the transition
from loving in presence
to loving in separation.

-- Thomas Attig, in The Heart of Grief: Death and the Search for Lasting Love

When you are fully living   in the Now...
                                                            you may feel   an incredibly warm peace...
                                                                                                                            engulfing   you...
                                                                                                                                                     starting   from within
that is...
            when you will be experiencing...
                                                            Jamie's soul/essence comforting...
I have had   2 such visits...
                                        from my grandkitty...
the visits were   sooo very special
the warm peace brought...
                                        such happy tears
i'll pm   you...
                     some readings that have helped...
                                                                               to get   in touch...
                                                                                                          with my spirituality
your love   for Jamie   is   sooo special
in my opinion...
                       it comes   not   from your mind or heart
        from your soul/essence
           the kind   of love   that transcends...
best wishes   roberta aka soppysgrammy

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Jaime was a pretty girl.  She has similar markings as my Spooky.  Spooky loved being outdoors although he never went unsupervised.  We have many hawks and coyotes here and he was so frail in his later years.  I was afraid something would pick him off.

We would always walk to our pond so he could see the fish and the birds.  I go out to the pond now and it seems so empty and lonely.  I know how lonely the house is without them.  I am trying to adjust, but it is a slow process.  I miss him so much, I just can't admit he's gone. 

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing Spooky is whole again.  I hope you are doing better today and in the days ahead.
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Just brought my little girl back home for the last time. She used to cry on the way to the vets and never make a peep on the way back. I know it's selfish and foolish but I want her back right now; healthy and whole. I'm sad and angry, and crying, and mad at myself for feeling this way. It was like we were made for each other. From the time she was a little kitten she'd sit and look at me while I talked to her; not averting her gaze like the books said. She always looked so interested in what I was saying. I was prepared  before I picked her up from a friends house when she was 10 weeks old. I bought books, searched on the web, found a vet who only took care of cats. I had the litter box ready, the recomended food out, and bought a little kitty bed. I felt I was now a kitty expert. That all fell away when I picked her up for the first time. My friend had a dog, and it barked, which startled her. She jumped from my hands, onto my shoulder and tried to climb my mustache. I was scratched a little and my friend asked if I wanted to look at the other kittens. I said it was kinda like she picked me for protection so the two of us were going home. That was the only time she ever scratched me. That tiny bit of blood sealed a friendship of 15 wonderful years; and in my memory, forever.

For tonite at least; her ashes are on the table looking out at the feeder. She didn't like being outdoors much so she'll stay inside with me.

Love you little girl.
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Your posts have been so beautiful and filled with love that they brought tears to my eyes.  Jaime sounds like quite a character and it sounds like you two had an extra special bond.  It reminds me of me and my Sammie. I also wake up some days wondering why she let me sleep and wasn't batting at my face to be fed.  I lost her two weeks ago yesterday, the pain is beginning to dull but there are still moments when I find myself missing her so badly I physically ache.  I know it is so hard at first, but it does get less painful. 

It sounds like you were a wonderful caretaker to Jaime while she was dealing with her diabetes and it's a clear sign of how much she loved and trusted you that she was so willing to let you give her the insulin without putting up a fuss. 

I will keep you in my thoughts and be hoping that your pain is easing.

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Being able to come to this safe place has helped an awful lot. Being able to share Jamie's life is helping me come to terms with, what to me, has been a devastating loss. I'm sure I'll heal with time; something that didn't seem possible a few days ago. Being a man; we have few outlets to express our grief. We've been told at an early age to be strong for others and to man-up. I'm fortunate in that my girlfriend has been supportive and many male co-workers have quietly said that they also had issues when they lost a furry companion. To any guys afraid to express their grief at losing a loved companion; it can help to let it out.

The first week together neither Jamie or I seemed to get much sleep. I had taken a week off from work to acclimate her to her new surroundings. She decided that the nice kitty bed I bought her was not where she wanted to sleep. She wanted to sleep somewhere on, what until then , had been my bed, but couldn't quite decide where. The top of my head didn't work out for her so we tried lying on my stomach. That wasn't it either. So far the training was going pretty well...if only she could get me in the right position. Finally she found it, the one spot that put her to sleep quickly. The spot we referred to as " the daddy spot". I would have to lie on my left side, with my left arm extended. She would push her back against my chest and use my left arm as a pillow. A belly rub, hers not mine, would then put her in kitty dreamland.  She didn't care much for the right side; had to be the left. The lack of sleep on my part came from being afraid to fall asleep and squish her. After a few nights it worked for both of us. The next step in the training was teaching me when she wanted food. I did leave a full bowl out but she preferred to have company while she ate. This required waking me up. She was a good teacher and I was a quick learner, a paw tapping on my mouth did the trick.

As she got older she didn't always sleep on the bed all night, but she never turned down "the daddy spot" when I was on the couch. The paw tap every morning continued until the end.

Someday I may be able to nap on the couch....but not any time soon.
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Reading your post   had   me...
                                           smiling and laughing
I   (dare I say)   we know...
                                       who wears   the pants   in the family...
                                                                                             dear, sweet Jamie Lee
Your 'training'   for 'her' correct sleeping position(s)   cracks   me   up
What a nice way   to end the day...
                                                a Jamie Lee story
Is this...
            Chapter 1???
Thank you
Best Wishes   Roberta aka SoppysGrammy

It's   sooo obvious...
You did   everything   for Jamie...
                                               out of that sooo very special...
                                                                                         'daddy' love

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