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MAlcindor
skmk wrote:


Oh MAlcindor I'm so sorry.  I hope I didn't hurt your feelings asking about the book. Yes you make a lot of sense.   I understand completely.  I understand that loyalty that we have for our pets.  My husband wants me to use Dicken's harness on our other dog instead of spending the money for another harness.  That makes me feel disloyal to Dickens.  Again I'm sorry.
Take care,
skmk

skmk, no apology needed. I’ve actually thought a lot about that lately and finally realized I can’t think about either one of them not being my heart dog. Bailey’s harness fits Toby, but like you, I can’t bring myself to use it. I feel it’s a sacred part of Bailey because he used to go absolutely crazy whenever he knew I was going to put it on him. He loved it so much it belongs to only him. I’ll buy a new one for Toby.
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Millie18
Since Millie has been gone I don't take joy in anything which before her passing made me feel happy or at least excited. All of those joys have left me because I have changed. I will need to find new joys. Not sure what they will be or when I will find them. I just know that I have been forever changed by this experience. I was changed after losing my last female pup.

I completely understand. The minutest of actions that can just trigger those tears out of nowhere. Like Marlen & Lynn mentioned with the veggies. No puppy waiting for me to throw carrots to them.

Like Rookiesmama mentioned regarding our overcast weather, it's the best dog walking weather. Millie would have loved it. Roman was black like Rookie and Dickens, she would have loved it. I try to push myself to go out and walk by myself. I manage it 50% of the time, but the joy is no longer there because my pups aren't there to go exploring.

I'm not married either, so I can cry or scream whenever I want to, but then I also come home to a completely empty house, so it has its pros and its cons.

Skmk, using your baby's harness for another dog would be upsetting to me too. Some of the leashes I have shared between the dogs. Some of the car harnesses I would share, but not their personal collars or harnesses. Those belonged to each one of them individually. Whenever I bring in a new dog, even if it's a foster, they receive their own brand new collar. It's personal to me.

I love that Dickens sat at the back of your chair. I can just imagine that cute doxie butt almost hanging off the chair. Too adorable. And Bailey and Max on their own chairs next to Marlen, because they needed to be right with their mommy.

Marlen, I don't see why you can't have 2 heart dogs. My 2 female dogs changed me. They are my heart dogs in different ways. They were both the very challenging ones and they affected me much more deeply than my boys did. The boys were so easy and sweet. Never any issues. The girls were pushy and wanted their own way all of the time. They always demanded my attention. Those experiences I will always remember
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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Tankie12
Marlen, Susan I saw the heart dog come up. I think you can have more than one *Heart Dog* CKMP , Cody, has Maggs and Kassie both are very much her heart dogs❣️ The book can be ordered through iBooks it’s called Heart Dog surviving the loss of your canine soulmate by Roxanne Hawn. Wow! That was from memory! It’s a short read but it’s good
Marlen, nothing like the other book,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
Thanks Lynn. Half way through the other one. Once I’m done I’ll tackle that one. 😘
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MAlcindor
Thank you for that Diana. Max was my first dog ever and Bailey found us 4 yrs later. My heart belonged to them both equally. 💔
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skmk
MAlcindor what beautiful Rainbow Bridge memories you have of Max and Bailey.  Their pictures are so cute.  I'll be honest I tried to read through some of your narratives about them but just kept breaking down so I couldn't even see.  I will keep trying little by little.  How are you doing today?

Millie18    I too have lost all the joy from my life.   I was so happy before Dickens passed.  I did have other interests but now they mean nothing and I get no pleasure from them.  I just broke down cutting up a cantaloupe.  That was one of Dicken's favorites.  I can barely eat it.  I too will have to find some new joys but right now nothing is coming to mind or lifting me up.  How are you doing today?

Rookiesmama     I had a good friend of mine say that I'm too sensitive because I feel bad that Dickens can't enjoy the foods we used to share anymore.  She said "he doesn't know he's not having them".  Well maybe he doesn't but I know he would have liked to be around to enjoy them.  Am I nuts?   How are you doing today?

May I ask you all.......... in regards to the foods you used to share with your babies.   I know you feel bad that they're not there to share them with you but do you also feel bad that they can't enjoy the foods anymore?  Or are those the same things.  I don't know maybe I'm crazy.  I've been trying to push through this anxiety and grief but it's so hard.  Since Dickens has been gone not many things have been going right around here.  Or maybe I'm just too sensitive. 

Peace to you all,
Susan










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MAlcindor
Susan you are not crazy. For weeks after my babies died all I ate was chocolate and things my babies did not like because the guilt prevented me from eating, plus the fact I had little to no appetite. Guilt because I'm able to eat them and they are no longer here to enjoy it. For 8 years I shared at least part of every meal I ate at home with them, once they died I had no one to share with and it just made me so sad. I breakdown when I cook and cry to myself so no one else sees me because as soon as I started chopping up stuff Max and Bailey would come and sit by me waiting for their little piece of something. Everything is just changed forever and I don't like it. I don't think you're too sensitive, we love them as our children and death is so final it is incomprehensible. I pray for us all.
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Rookiesmama
Susan,
You are definitely not too sensitive! A week after Rookie passed, watermelon was on sale and I just couldn't buy it. It was one of his most favorites! I have started buying it again, but cutting it up is so hard, because he'd always be helping. The other day when I dropped a piece and he wasn't there to grab it and that made me so sad. The food thing makes me sad, but what I miss most is rushing home from work to walk him or play in the backyard. He made every crappy day better.

You're so sweet to ask about me. ❤ It's been a rough week; I just miss my Rookie so much. Some days it's easier, then other days, wow. No motivation and just feeling blah. I'm sure you understand. I'm so thankful for you all! I pray we all find some peace today. Hugs!!
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skmk
MAlcindor wrote:
Susan you are not crazy. For weeks after my babies died all I ate was chocolate and things my babies did not like because the guilt prevented me from eating, plus the fact I had little to no appetite. Guilt because I'm able to eat them and they are no longer here to enjoy it. For 8 years I shared at least part of every meal I ate at home with them, once they died I had no one to share with and it just made me so sad. I breakdown when I cook and cry to myself so no one else sees me because as soon as I started chopping up stuff Max and Bailey would come and sit by me waiting for their little piece of something. Everything is just changed forever and I don't like it. I don't think you're too sensitive, we love them as our children and death is so final it is incomprehensible. I pray for us all.



Thank you MAlcindor and Rookiesmama for not thinking me crazy or too sensitive. Thank you for understanding  my feelings about the guilt that I'm able to eat Dicken's favorite foods but he can't. My sister-in-law tried to make me feel better by telling me that everything dies and that she has 2 dogs and if one of them died she would just go on with her life.  Well that's what I'm trying to do but a little thing called grief, anxiety and depression gets in the way.  I agree with you both that everything has changed forever and I don't like it one bit either.  I certainly have no motivation and feel like a zombie just going through the motions.  Plus the smallest problems bother me.  I overreact.  I'm trying to take care of my other animals as best I can.  They all need special care due to their aging or illness so I know I will be grieving again.  My husband tells me not to worry so much about them but how can I not.  I don't want the way I'm feeling to compromise their health.  My mind isn't as clear as it used to be when I was happy.   Can't imagine being happy again anytime soon.
Many thanks to you two.  I feel better being in touch.
My prayers go out to you,
Susan
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MAlcindor
The brain fog that grief brings is terrible. For weeks my performance at work suffered. I'm a lot better now but definitely not 100%. Just this morning backing out of my driveway I hit my son's car that was parked behind me but to the side. I don't know where my mind was but things like that happen because our minds are preoccupied, we're not alert. Worrying about your other animals is normal, especially after losing one of them. 
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Millie18
Oh, no Marlen. I hope you were ok. That's all you need, more anxiety provoking situations : (

Yes, that brain fog. I just started working after taking several months off to spend with Mill. It's been difficult to care about anything. I'm spacing out and not focused. I don't think I'll ever care about this work like I did before Millie. I'll never be as good as I was before, because I'm not longer to give 120% anymore. I'm just going to be getting by trying to make it through the day with as few mistakes as I can.

Susan, you're not crazy at all. Millie didn't have a favorite food. She wanted and loved everything! I did buy her organic beef hot dogs which I only gave her for her class treats. I won't be able to buy hot dogs again. All of the foods I fed her to try to get her to eat during those last 2 weeks I had to immediately throw out of the fridge because it reminded me of her dying. I cooked for her every week. I have one bag left in the freezer that's stuck in the shelf and I can't pull out.

It's all those little things that remind us that we are still mourning our friends.

I would be on edge too if I had other animals. Looking for any signs of possible disease and decline. It's hard not to let go of those thoughts. You are not crazy and you are not alone...
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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Rookiesmama
I have one full frozen Kong still made up for Rookie that I can't bear to throw away. I made up a bunch for my parents when they watched him while I was in New York, and that's the one they didn't use. I know it's stupid to save it, but throwing it away is just too final. 💔 I'll do it eventually.... just not now.
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Millie18
Aw, that's very cool, really. I wouldn't throw that away either 💗  It's more like a toy especially made for Rookie.  Not something you would have shared everyday between the 2 of you from the grocery store. Very special 😊
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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