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eliza

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Reply with quote  #1 
I just decided today to find a forum. Not sure why it took so long. 

I lost my Rottie, typically, to cancer. He was 9 years old. No treatment, very rare cancer. But we had two months longer than we were supposed to. Now, he's been gone over two months. My house is. So. Empty.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, especially those of you who just lost your babies, but some days, I can't even associate the emptiness to my boy anymore. It's just this constant quiet. I know my sadness is about him, yet sometimes I can't connect the dots. 

Just miss him so. Many of you probably know this poem from the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral. The third stanza is how I feel. I work at home. We were together so constantly. I never knew how loud empty could sound.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
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eliza

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Reply with quote  #2 
Thanks so much. Yes, it was cancer... it eventually hit his nervous system, and he couldn't use his back legs anymore. 

It is important to get out. But it's funny, coming home, as you said, can be so hard. My lovely cat just doesn't have the same enthusiasm when I get home. 

Thanks for your kind message.

e
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nikki

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Reply with quote  #3 

it is a horrible feeling. i get up on a morning & hunni's not there pestering for her breakfast (!), or there to greet me when i've been out. it's a horrible empty feeling. but i'm sure he's still around you. you're not alone. when the dog died that i had as a child passed, me my mum & my sister all found a feather in grey & white (the same colour as ruffles was) in a really strange place. we're all positive it was a sign from her. apparently finding a feather is really common, so keep an eye out for little signs that he's still around  x

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