BT1957
One month ago today I lost Buster. The pain of losing my baby is as fresh now as it was then. I still talk to Buster everyday and tell him I love him. I have moments of breakdown unexpectedly, just out of the blue when something reminds me of him. I still wonder if he's hungry, scared and warm. It is making me crazy not knowing. Does he wonder why daddy isn't helping him? I can't stop these thoughts.

I don't see this ever getting easier for me because I can't get my baby out of my mind.

I miss you so very much Buster and I always will until the day I die. I love you and I hope you know I am thinking about you everyday.

Buster's daddy.
Buster's daddy
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LG
Hi Buster's Daddy,
    Yes, the annaversaries as each month passes are particularly difficult (at least for me....). My sweet girl, Chili (a 12 year old chihuahua), passed over six months ago. It seems unthinkable that she's been gone half a year! Although I cried every day for the first five months, I cry even more on the 29th of each month (she passed April 29, 2013). I watch the clock and think about what we were doing at that time on that fateful day, I often can't sleep the night before because I'm remembering trying to stay awake because I didn't want to miss any of that last night together. It is so hard and so painful..... Yet, it is a testament to the love and joy Buster brought to your life and shows that his life had purpose and meaning.

Remember that everyone here understands and that you are not alone. Eventually, you will be able to smile at Buster's pictures and laugh at memories, even though you will undoubtedly cry as well.

Warm wishes for comfort and peace.

Sincerely,
LG
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BT1957
I just still can't accept the fact he is gone, even though I know he is I still feel like its not acceptable for me to say goodbye. I don't want to hurt him. I am alone in what I have termed my "silent pain". I sit and write my feelings out about losing Buster and trying to deal with it. I have something like 40 pages of random thoughts. I hasn't helped me yet though and I'm not sure it will.

Thank you all for your support.

Silent Pain.
Buster's daddy
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LG
Hang on Buster's Daddy. As I mentioned, I'm six months into this, yet I still find it so difficult..... I think when your love is so great, your pain can be equally so. It is all the harder because so few people understand the depth of our despair, since after all, "their just animals". Their loss. WE know what true, unconditional, unending love is. WE were blessed with this unbelievable gift and I refuse to think of it in any other way. I know what Chili brought to my life, the joy, the comfort, the peace, the laughter, the LOVE!

Do what you need to do for yourself to slowly process what has happened.  What you need is what you need and who cares what others think. I know my husband doesn't understand, and although he doesn't say anything, he also won't talk with me or take part in the things I do in Chili's honor. That hasn't stopped me. I do what I feel honors her and expresses my love and loss.

I've made a picture album of her and down loaded pictures into a "Chili" digital picture frame. I have pictures around the house and will put flowers by the picture of her in the family room. I spent hours and hours designing a granite memorial for her and finding just the right saying that represents her to be engraved on it. I put flowers out by it and sometimes light a candle for her there. I visit it all of the time and will sit talking to her. I celebrated Day of the Dead (Mexican holiday celebrating your deceased loved ones Oct. 31-Nov. 2). I bought a beautiful box for her things that sits on my dresser with a picture of her. I write poems for her and of course talk to people about her on line.

Again. Do what you need to do for yourself and keep in mind it really does take a long, long time to grieve. I'm not sure you ever completely finish grieving those you loved and lost. I still cry more days then I don't.....

Please know you have friends here at Rainbow Bridge who will always listen.

My thoughts and warm wishes for comfort and peace are with you.
LG
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Daisymaesdaddy
The words you write in your post BT I could have written myself. You pretty much speak for all of us. It's been 8 days for me. Your past that. I can't imagine that but every day I get past another day and another and so on and the pain gets worse and worse. I mentioned in a post the other day to LG that 6 months is unimaginable. I sit here now and think I will get to that. Then it will be a year, then two. I'm 57 and could possibly live another 15 or 20 years and it pains me so much to think they will be without the greatest gift I ever had in my life. The one thing my life revolved around for almost 14 years. The one gift to me that made my life so much better and taught me so much about love and responsibility. Thinking about the emptiness that awaits my future scares me to death. Thinking about living without my baby girl for the rest of life after almost 14 years of love and companionship is such a horrible feeling. She was here with me 8 days ago. Then she was gone. The hardest part is accepting the reality that she is not coming home and I will never see her or hold her again until my time here is up. Thinking about that is heart breaking .
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LG
Yes. It's heartbreaking. I admit, even after six months I often can't believe Chili is gone and never coming back. I've said again and again to my husband, "How could our time together be up? How could twelve years have passed in a blink of the eye?" I often find myself whining in pain or silently crying.

But (and I know I've said this before) I consider every moment with Chili a gift! Chili had a bunch of medical problems over the years, one being IMHA, a blood disorder, which is also an autoimmune disease. She got that when she was six years old and was not expected to live. I had been told that even if she survived the original episode, almost anything could set off another episode and prepare to loose her at any time. She lived an additional six years. This amazed her doctors. I always felt each moment was truly a gift from God, so even though the pain is unbelievable, I was SO lucky!

In truth, no amount of time together would have been enough.....

I guess we all have no choice but to soldier on and try to support each other. I try to honor Chili in the ways I mentioned below. For me it's SO IMPORTANT that she be remembered and that others know that her life held true meaning. I can see that Daisy Mae and Buster's lives had true meaning too. Look at the joy they brought you and Buster's dad! They were all the BEST!

Warm wishes for comfort and peace are being sent your way.

Sincerely,
LG
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BT1957
I feel so sorry for both of you. Losing our babies is so hard and very hard to deal with. I don't know what the coming days, months or years will bring all I know is I pray I find strength to deal with it. Everything I do reminds me of my baby boy and how much I feel alone without him.

Praying for all of us to be reunited some day with our furbabies.
Buster's daddy
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