bcr1989
I miss my cat so much. He was such a precious and sweet baby. I always knew that one day we would have to part ways but I never could have imagined that it would be this soon. I've been told that cats don't show their illnesses until it's too late but I feel like I failed him by not noticing sooner. He genuinely seemed fine and then over a span of just a few days his health decreased rapidly. His sudden illness and death have left me shaken and confused. I could probably handle his passing better if he had died of old age but instead he was only ten. The vet said that there was nothing that I could have done and tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault but how is that true? I feel so much guilt for choosing to put him down. It's a decision that I never thought that I'd have to make. It's been nearly a week now and I'm in more pain than I've been in since his passing. It feels like a piece of me has been ripped out and it can't be put back in. He was a constant in my life and now he's gone. I'm so lost without him.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear BCR1989,

I am very sorry to learn of your sad loss. Like you and many others here, I too had to make that final, fatal decision for my best friend in the World. My light and my love, my beloved cat "Marmalade."

The endless 2nd guessing that we put ourselves through is a part of what each of us must go through. There is a very poignant saying that I learned here from someone much wiser than I. This is not exact, but it is close:

"To show them mercy, and end their pain & suffering, we agree to then take their pain & suffering onto ourselves, to absorb it. We then process that pain & suffering through our grief and sorrow. That is the bargain that we make, to assure that our loved one, is longer in pain & suffering, and can finally be at peace."

Welcome to this forum, even under such unfortunate circumstances. It has been a lifesaver for me and truly helped me through the last 8 weeks since I had my lad put to sleep. There are some remarkable people here who care and are very compassionate.

Kind regards and my sincerest condolences,
James
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msk
You made an incredibly difficult decision. I disagree that there was nothing you could do--you could have let your cat suffer, but that is not any better. You chose to end his pain and that must have been such a scary thing to do. I think you were right to do that, even though you were faced with two gut-wrenching alternatives.

You were lucky to have his companionship and he was lucky to have yours. I am so sorry that the universe took him away from you. I hope he understood how much he meant to you. The fact that you integrated him so deeply into your life meant that while he lived, he was loved. I am positive he sensed that and would be heartbroken to know how much you are grieving him.

You did the best that you could. That is all any pet owner can do. I understand that a piece of you was ripped out, but know that this piece isn't gone. It's with your cat. He took part of you with him--the part that loved and appreciated him and kept him safe in his final days.
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Jcunnane
Dear BCR1989,

I’m so sorry for the loss of you sweet boy. Please know you are in a good spot here with lots of people feeling the same way you are. It’s so extremely painful and the guilt is never ending so it seems. I’m so sorry your kitty was only 10. I get it. I really get it

This Thursday will be 5 weeks I had to say goodbye to my sweet ginger tabby Bubby from renal failure. He would have been 10 July 28th. It doesn’t seem real. How can my 9 almost 10 year old kitty be gone? Aren’t they supposed to live til like 16 or 17? It’s really really hard and it sucks. He too didn’t show signs until it was too late. At least signs that I was really aware of. He was already in end stage chronic kidney disease.

We had to make that choice too to help him cross to the Rainbow Bridge. It was the worst decision I ever had to make. Knowing I stopped my little sweet so loving baby boys heart just destroys me. But like so many here we had to end their suffering and give them that last loving gift we could physically. We took their pain and suffering away and put it on ourselves. It’s the most selfless loving thing you could do.

So please know we’re here for you. We get it. The overwhelming pain, anxiety, endless tears, weight on your chest, giant lump in your throat, the guilt, the emptiness and sleepless nights....we get it. These babies were and are our children. Our loves who showed us what unconditional love truly is. Hold tight to that love. It will always be there.

Sending you hugs,
Jackie

Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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Andee
I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved kitty. The emotions and feelings you are experiencing are natural and common parts of grieving when we lose our precious pets. The first three weeks were the most difficult for me to get through, although that was still far from the end. My fur baby was only four years old when she became suddenly ill and I was left with the only humane, but dreaded, choice to make. We tend to blame ourselves and feel guilty when our fur babies die even though it is not our faults. We do not choose for our babies to get sick or for us to be left with the only humane choice of euthanization.

Try your best to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. You loved your fur baby dearly and it takes time to journey through the grief. Write down precious memories you have of your pet. Think of a way you would like to memorialize him. Stick around here and grieve with us all, we understand what you are going through. Hugs 🤗!
Furry Love Is Forever
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bcr1989
Thanks for the support. I've been crying less and less every day but I still cry at least once. Sometimes I still expect him to be around. I know he's gone but it's like a part of me has convinced myself that he's just hiding somewhere. I wish that I could have had more time with him or that I had realized he was sick sooner. Maybe it wouldn't have bought more time but I would have spent that time more wisely. He was always such a cuddly cat and I find that to be one of the hardest things about him being gone. I miss the way he used to push his face on mine or make me hold him like a teddy bear. When my moms cat died a few years ago he really helped her through it because he would cuddle with her. So I know she's grieving too. She's already thinking about getting another cat because without my cat she doesn't have that role filled but it's too soon for me. I don't even want to be involved in the process. I'll love that cat no doubt but he will be hers.
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